all new to this..

[angel1984]

hello everyone.. this could be a long one... he goes...I was in an abusive relationship for 12 years. I have left that relationship 2 years ago now. after that one I got with someone else who just didn't respect me and walked all over me. I split up with him after a year because I met someone in the local pub and we really got on well and hit it off.
I am 31 he is 56, I have been with him nearly a year now but the arguments are now starting and I don't know if its me or him. I am a little paranoid cause I always think he is going to go off with someone else.
He can be controlling he never says sorry for his mistakes and always has an excuse for everything. Anyway most of his ex girlfriends are blonde and I always catch him looking at women his age all blondes. there is one where we go and he always looks at her when she walks in I mean she is attractive for a lady for her age blonde big boobs ya know lol. I am 6ft black hair slim and small boobs ha. tbh I don't know whats wrong with me I always say to him shall I dye me hair blonde hes like no I don't like blondes. yeh right. I mean it always crosses me mind does he rather be with a woman his age or should he be feeling proud to have a girlfriend younger then him. I don't know guys help.
thanks for reading about my messed up head ha ha

Noone should have to change if in a relationship and to be honest, it sounds as though you have quite low self esteem if you are willing to dye your hair to be seen as more desirable by him. I don't think it is a good place to be if you are constantly worrying about whether or not he is going to run off on you. A relationship shouldn't be like that. If you say he is controlling then it doesn't sound as thought you are very equal in this relationship.

I used to be blonde in past I and I like my hair that colour but when I mention it he says no don't do it stay black I like u black. I think I used the wrong word saying controlling id say more over protective over me for example I went for a walk on my own out of a busy area where men where fishing and he went totally crazy with me cause I could been attacked or anything. I do agree with you though with the low self esteem and I plan to get help for that I think ive had low self esteem over 13 years now... thanks for replying tho

Low self esteem is tough, so it can be difficult to know if you are creating problems in your head eg him running off with someone, or if he actually is giving you signs that he will do that iyswim. Protective is fine, my OH doesn't want me walking in the forest bit of a local park just in case and will meet me off a train if I am coming back from a night out etc. Those are normal loving things to do. It sounds as though you are beating yourself up a bit.

Well... he's not as bad as the last boyfriend, who was not as bad as the one before, but that's not saying a huge amount, is it? How about moving onwards and upwards with a man who is actually nice?

he is a nice guy and very loving.. don't everyone have problems in a relationship? I just trying to figure out if things are in my head and I am actually not seeing what's actually happening. as my sister said to be before she wants me out and said we all make excuses for the men we love...