MIL has the hump as usual

[worriedmumred]

MIL and I had to attend a day thing and arranged to go on the same day (for 4 hrs) we live 2 miles from each other, event 11miles away. At no point did we agree that I would drive her, perhaps assumed but she is very capable of driving herself. 3 hrs before dh phoned to say I was going to supermarket on way and if she wanted me to drive her could she come earlier....we had no food and this was on a Sunday and shops closed after (dh was trying to work from home looking after 3 dc)

Anyway....big freeze during the day and today when I saw her this morning (she has occasional youngest for school drop off when we are stuck)

This is a repeated thing and we bend over backwards to accommodate them for other things (lifts to and from evening events as we are rural and taxis are very expensive) I really can't be doing with the frosty treatment, I'm not a naughty child and it really bugs me.....do I just ignore and smile?it has happened so often in the 20 years I've known her and I'm getting to the end of my patience

My mil is a sulker too :o none of my family were suckers so I find it rather infuriating! She once came on holiday with us and didn't speak to me for two whole days!

Sulkers not suckers :o
Yes, I ignore. There isn't much else you can do really

It's so very wearing isn't it?! I think she treats me more like a daughter, less boundaries than with her other daughter/son in law as we live closer and see them more often. Dh says that she has always been like this and he was desperate to leave home because of it, I had a very sulky mother and grew up tiptoeing around her and really at my age can't be doing with it!

Maybe you should challenge her and ask why she is being frosty, or start being firmer, and not be so accomadating to her.

Yes, my husband said she used to do it to my late fil and he said the atmosphere could be awful and its made him the other way. She didn't speak to me on holiday because I'd had too much to drink! On holiday :o

You could say to her if she carries on with it, you'll stop taking her out but she'll most probably sulk about it. You'll be sent to Coventry!

I'm not quite sure I follow why you went separately but I hate manipulative behaviour. Adults shouldn't sulk.

I ignore the frosty and am actively bright and cheerful in the face of it.

Eh gad I couldn't face a confrontation!! I'm not a doormat but I imagine being heavily involved in looking after pil when they are much older and bad feelings can run on for a long time....I'm not holding a grudge, just feel a bit exasperated that I'm not sure of the reception that I or dh will get when we see her, perhaps she is put out by helping us with kids, gp love seeing there dgc though...??she always says they are angelic (and they are lovely engaging children 12, 9 and 7) and likes being with them....I did spot some AD in the kitchen recently with her name I'm and she said she was having trouble sleeping, so other things are going on I guess

Going separately....I went about an hour before I need to leave for event to go to supermarket to get shopping and the lift was offered then,if she didn't mind coming with me. I was thinking about family/packed lunches/supper etc as can't do any shopping this week....disorganised! She didn't at any point in the previous 6 weeks before event say....are you driving me?

Difficult.

"Do you mean to be so rude? You're barely making eye contact / barely talking to me. I'm not your enemy!" (in your kindest voice)

Then you can leave

Well if you did offer a lift (even if not a convenient time ) that's fair enough.

Although truthfully if I was going to an event with my mil and she lived so close I'd always offer a lift.

It does sound as though she's quite difficult but if she's on AD then she's not well and it might be worth checking if she's ok. It's not her fault if she's ill.

And yes most GPs like seeing their grandchildren but if she's not well then possibly 3 children might be beyond her just now. Ask politely if she needs a break just now.

And I'm sure that your children are lovely but GPs often say that their grandchildren are angelic regardless of how they've behaved. Ask your oldest how it's going really.

I had a sulky mother and hated it, but I found out from an aunt that my mother had been brought in a small house where they were never allowed to quarrel, so I'm afraid sulking was her only way of showing her anger. I really don't think she could have learnt another way.

Why do you keep going to things with her then? I couldn't be bothered with this and would just call her on it when she's sulky, although with recent weather i thought you meant the roads were frozen so you couldn't get there.
I don't think I've ever been to anything with just my MIL without my husband though.
It sounds as though you live too near, people who live near relatives seem to moan more about them. Fly the nest properly, or get your husband to.

Could your husband have a word? He could ask her if everything is ok because you have both noticed that she seems upset, and that you are worried it's something you've done, or that she's doing more with the children than she can manage.

Adult sulkers are ridiculous, and you definitely have my sympathy, but given that she helps with the children it's probably worth sucking it up tbh. You need her onside.