Shit dads

[HairySubject]

I am so annoyed right now. I have three children, 2 to exh and 1 to exp. Yes I know it's all my own fault for having kids with rubbish men. Lesson learnt the hard way.

Ds1 and ds 2 both have parties tomorrow. Ds1 is 11.30 till 1.30 in the town next to ours. Ds 2 is at 1.30 till 5 in the town we live in.

Ds 2 should be going to his dad's today, however he is yet to turn up. He said he doesn't fancy taking ds to his party so can't I do it. Well actually I don't fancy it either but he has made it clear If I don't take him he doesn't go.

Ds1 and dd go to their dad on a Sunday 10 till 6. That is all. He has refused to take ds to his party because he doesn't drive and will be looking after dd and his Dec while his girlfriend is out.

So basically I am expected to pick up the slack, take ds1 to his party, then get ds2 to his party In another town at the same time. I don't drive either.

For ds1 party I can take ds2 to the adjacent play area while we wait but I have no idea what I am supposed to do with ds1 for 3.5 hours while I am at the party with ds2.

Ds 2 is only 3 so not a drop and go situation and ds1 is 10 and is a) not invited and b) unlikely to enjoy a party aimed at preschoolers.

Arrrgggghhhhh I know this is my own fault for reproducing with irresponsible men but I didn't realise this about them at the time.

Whatever happened in the past is history. They are both causing problems for you this weekend

None of it is your fault. Place the blame where it deserves to go!

Thank you, I thought I better get in that it is my fault before the usual round if "why did you have children with these men" posters came along to put the boot in.

Why do some men think that parenting is optional.

It's crap Hairy I agree. It's also spectacularly unhelpful for people to get on about reproducing with unsuitables. Tis done. By many on this board, me included.

Thanks JudgyPants I hate it when posters feel the need to add it in, so thought I would beat them to it, it is so unhelpful.

Bloody crap men eh.

I did it too - had kids with a crap dad

You are not alone.

I'm sorry, it sounds shit :(

Can you take something for DS1 to play with/do while DS2 is playing at the party? Phone with internet, books, ???

Also worth calling the mum of the birthday child and asking if there will be any other older siblings there?

Think we will take the kindle and yes, will check with the other party mum if siblings are OK.

One of his friends from his party may invite him round for a bit.

Alot of them around I think. I am still with my husband but he hates the kids because they are messy loud and demand his attention. I am having a shower then I am off out and he is going to have to put kIds to bed. He is going to flip out he has never done it before. If I am feeling brave enough I am going to stay at a friends and he will have to get them up I'm the morning. It will be the end as I know he won't cope but maybe it it will push him over the edge and he will leave I just hope he isn't stupid enough to leave the kids alone but have a friend on standby to watch from her house across the road in case he flips out!!

another one here. My two beautiful children have had no contact with their cunt of a father for 16 months and he lives in the same village as us.

Good luck Peppa I hope it works out. It will be easier when he is gone though don't expect him to pull his weight then either.

Peppermint How sad for the children, how can he not realise what he is missing out on.

I had no contact with my father since the age of 2. The first definite info I had about him was when my uncle got in touch last year to say my f had died, and did my db and I want to put something in the paper? . We didn't.

I don't think it damaged me, certainly damaged me less than having inconsistent contact would have.

Well Hairy, he does know I think, but he prefers to think entirely about himself. Frankly, my story could fill all the threads on MN!

It's difficult isn't it? If they were wankers all the time they would be easy to spot, deal with and get rid of, don't be so hard on yourself

Absent or half hearted dad's should be branded so at least they can't have multiple kids....

Rant away.

I sometimes forget my kids actually have a second parent, even though they see him every couple of weeks or so. He sees them if he isn't doing anything else and if they aren't doing anything else.

Yep, feel for you. My ex H hasn't seen his daughter for ..... hmm..... I think about 12 years (she's 18), not a penny paid. He very deliberately lives overseas.

I can only agree that some men are crap, some of the time. On the plus side (and there is one) I have an amazing girl who is a kind of new, improved version of me with (hopefully) none of the seeking-male-approval tendencies (or, if that's asking too much, at least reduced).

You can't foresee what a Dad will be like until he becomes a Dad! Like you can't foresee what a husband will be like completely until he becomes one. Not your fault!
sounds like you're attempting to do a good job of raising your children on your own :)
Any posters who want to stick the boot in are on Mumsnet for all the wrong reasons

Thanks for the supportive posts. I was worried about ranting and being told well that's what you get.

Not at all - I wanted to post after your "it's my own fault" comment in your OP - of course it's not!!

I think your DS2 should go with daddy and ask him why he is so selfish that he can't take him to his party. Right now all the pressure and responsibility is on you. When your DC start missing on thints because of lazy dad they will call him on it.

why did you have children with these men? well probably you did not know how they were going to turn out as parents before you conceived.

some of us find out after the fact and it is a bit late then.

take ds one to his party. the preschooler is more likelyto be persuaded that something else is just as fun and is more likely to get invites in the future. you can also arrive late to the longer party. do you have the number for the organiser? your older dcs can sit with a book/electronics at the back. you can take a drink and snacks for them too.

I found out the hard way when he went to shake dd... (he didn't, just very very nearly) when she was a few days old.

Yep another with a half hearted dick... I mean dad. Hasn't had DS2 for 8 weeks now due to his.....piles , apparently waiting for an op. Yeah fucking yeah!

I had a feeling he'd turn out to be a cock when he insisted on a DNA test !

Before we had kids mine would love playing with other people's kids. Back then he wanted five children and to be a part-time SAHD.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahshahahahah!

Then he realised they are noisy and messy and a you know, a bit demanding. And stuff.

Then he decided it was not something he should really bother with, but complain about and take out on me.

Nice.

He'd make an interesting case study in psychological damage, because he's exactly like his dad. Loves other kids but not his own. That's some messed up shit right there.

Sorry you are all dealing with crappy dad's too!

Well ds1's friends parents have offered to pick him up and take him to the party. So that's a load off my mind.

Ds2 will be late to his party but it is 3. 5 hours long and I am going to ring the party mum and let her know.

Ds1 dad picked up dd and stood waiting on the step, what's happening with ds1? Well you won't be seeing him this week will you since you aren't willing to either take him to the party or pick him up after it. He honestly expected me to drop ds1 off with him for his convenience. Now neither of us drive and both of us will have other kids with us but he expects me to do it when he won't.

Ds2 dad is being snappy and a general cunt on the phone, I think maybe he feels guilty about not having his son all week and not taking him to a party when he is supposed to be having him.