Moving away.....

[OnlySmarties]

Im dithering... how much will moving effect my DD...

Currently we live 40minutes away from her dad, who sees her every other Sunday.
Both sets of grandparents are local (within 20min drive), although my parents have suggested they would move if we did (possibly to be closer to my brother, Im not suggesting they would follow me).
I am considering moving us 200 miles away to where my boyfriend has some land and is building a house. My daughter loves it there, we already visit often and she has some local friends.

I havent discussed this with her dad yet, but would bring her back once a month (and he could be allowed other contact, just I would make the round trip once a month for him).

Am I being really selfish moving her, or will she accept this change and just carry on? Has anyone been through this kind of move with kids? I would love to move, but just worry for her.

Listening in if you don't mind.

I THINK, I think you should do it.

My situation is a but different, in that I am contemplating moving to another country and my DCs dad is a bit ineffectual/unreliable

But, presumably your do will be going with or without you, if he is building a house?

Like Iamlove it would all depend on her age, relationship she has with her father and also the relationship she has with your boyfriend.
Would she be happy to move in with him?
I think it would be unfair for your DD to lose time with her DF so you would need stick to the current arrangement.

How secure is the relationship with your boyfriend? I think moving because you want to be with him is understandable but you need to put your child's right to see her father before your desire to live with your boyfriend.

Dd is 7, her dad chooses to only have her every other Sunday and has despite offers has never had her more nor taken her on holiday/away. He's an alright guy, is now married and expecting a baby in June, which is just bad timing and isnt related to my want to move.
You're right though, my boyfriend is building the house whatever, but it would not be endgame if I decided to not move. He currently already lives there but travels a lot with work, so we see him at least every other week. My daughter loves my boyfriend and they get on realy well in a stepfatherly way. She enjoys going there.
Goingtobeawesome is right though, and that is my worry, that I'm actually making a move which may impact her relationship with her dad. I will try and keep it as easy as possible for her to maintain it, however hes not going to see it that way. Her dad only sees her for 26 days a year.

I lean towards no though I completely understand your dilemma. I just think if you move, especially just as he's about to have another child, the already fragile relationship between the two of them will be even more damaged, perhaps irreparably.

I am going to go against the grain and say that you should go. Your DD's father doesn't seem that interested in his DD if he only sees her 26 days a year. Why on earth are you putting your life on hold for him?

It's not like he will never see her again, you are willing to drive quite a way to ensure that he still sees her and there is nothing stopping him coming to see her.

From the sound of it the move won't impact your DD, she has friends in that area and likes your boyfriend.

You need a life as well and that will make your DD happy as well.