Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Forcing increased contact.

10 replies

HairySubject · 31/12/2015 10:04

My ex only has the school, 10 & 8 overnight once or twice a year. The dc ask all the time to have a sleep over at their dad's. I have never stopped them and always pass it onto ex and he just ignores the issue or says he is working (he is not). .
He lives on his girlfriends home and she has 2 dc who go to their dad's eow Fri - Sun.

Is there any way that I can push the issue. The dc have a good relationship with their dad when they do see him, every Sunday 10 - 6.
I am single with no other family help and the never being able to go out or do anything is starting to get to me.

OP posts:
Original poster
HairySubject · 31/12/2015 10:05

Sorry school should read dc.

He has lived with his girlfriend for 5 years so it's not a new arrangement.

OP posts:
PatriciaHolm · 31/12/2015 10:10

No; there is no legal way you can force him to have them more I'm afraid. All you can do is ask.

Original poster
HairySubject · 31/12/2015 10:35

Thanks I suspected as much.

OP posts:
Original poster
HairySubject · 31/12/2015 11:46

When he got a new job last year he asked me to switch maintenance to a private arrangement, it had previously been done through the csa as it was.

I know he did this because he had a payrise but I agreed anyway.

Would I be unreasonable to say if he can up contact to one over night a month I will ask the cms to review his payments?

OP posts:
amarmai · 31/12/2015 13:22

don't make that connection, BUT he shd pay what he shd pay - so go to csa and say nothing. he is going to do what suits him and you cannot change him. Your kids will slowly come to understand him and they will not change him either.

pocketsaviour · 31/12/2015 13:57

I understand that temptation, but what if he turns round to the DC and says "Mummy is bribing me to look after you as she doesn't want you around so often"?

He sounds like the type of twat who'd happily do so, if you know what I mean :(

Original poster
HairySubject · 31/12/2015 14:30

He probably would pocket that is a very good point.

Thanks amarmai it is such a shame for them. I don't understand why he wouldn't want to spend more time with his kids

OP posts:
HandyWoman · 31/12/2015 16:55

I had a 'state of the nation' face-to-face chat with my ex who only ever covere my overnight work 'oncalls'. This was away from the dc in a pub.

I explained how he had had the space to 'move on' in life and how was I supposed to do the same.

I put it very simply, you have them 2 nights / month when I'm on call so can't go out and that I have them the other 28 nights.

I said these kids are 50/50 yours/mine, time to level things up.

I didn't bring up anything about his gf, maintenance, just kept it to fairness and what's good for the dc.

My solicitor said there is no way to increase contact in Law. Although I would argue you could always take it court.

BUT I got what I wanted (one week night and 2 nights EOW) and my life is just so much better as a result.

I can't tell you how much it's transformed things

Give it a go OP. So worth it....

Original poster
HairySubject · 31/12/2015 20:16

I will give it a try, we have spoken about it many times but he just comes our with flimsy excuses.

Thanks for posting though, it has given me hope.

OP posts:
HandyWoman · 31/12/2015 20:54

Tell him you need a face to face meet.

Without the kids there you can have direct, focuses communication. He won't be able to wriggle out of it so easily. He wriggles out of it because he can

New posts on this thread. Refresh page