Fed Up with Parents

[AnnP1963]

Well here goes...I have never posted on one of these sites but i am its fair to say p**d off. All of my life i have put up with negative comments from my parents, whatever i do they will always have an opinion on it and its very far from favourable. They are very generous with money (I never ask for it) when i had an extension built they gave me £4K towards it, but i have never asked and they would be mortified if i refused it. However the down side is i feel like i always just have to be nice to them. I am 52 years old and have a wonderful husband and 3 very lovely children. However whatever i say there is always a snide comment. Just recently it has started to get me down. I am now thinking when will it stop, it doesn't even matter if my lovely husband butts in and sticks up for me. We have tried both ways ignoring the comments, him sticking up for me, me sticking up for myself.

I would appreciate some sound advice on this please.

Parents are strange creatures and I feel good you. My mother is a witch too.old and jealous.
I can't offer much in advice but ignore comments made.
your husband and family love you and eventually the others will be gone. Harsh it sounds.xx

I think they want to buy your affections and do not take kindly to being refused. Money to them is a way of controlling you and your actions; if you do not want it they disapprove. Their money is not a gift if it places an emotional toll on you.

You do not mention any siblings; if you have them are they treated similarly of very differently?.

What level of contact do you have with them these days?. What are they like with your children?. My guess is that they are not that great with your children either.

You ultimately need to start saying no and meaning no without feeling guilty about it. You are not a child any more but they still treat you like one. Would you also now consider seeing a therapist?.

I would also suggest you post on the "well we took you to Stately Homes" thread and read Toxic Parents written by Susan Forward. I would also suggest you read "If you had controlling parents" written by Dr Dan Neuharth.

No advice but I can sympathise. My mother is like this. She criticises me but never congratulates me. My parents have also helped us a bit financially without asking eg. towards a new bathroom a few years ago. My relationship with them is ok but it gets me down.
My dad doesn't criticise or make snidey remarks but he doesn't back me up. First eg. I had my hair cut off a couple of years ago and a really good cut and I was really happy with it, dad was very complimentary about it as had been others, mum "it's ok" while looking down her nose at me. She never liked it long so wasn't that. When I got a new job (promotion) her response "must have been the suit" (she's obsessed by people looking smart) not "well done" after I'd put a lot of time and effort doing application and preparation for interview.
Her opinions are 'facts' especially as I have different opinions to her. She doesn't like how I dress (not that it's unusual but not her ideal).
Sorry I know that hasn't helped but to let you know you're not the only one.