Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Hand-holding needed

23 replies

itsallgonetoshit · 27/12/2015 00:26

Today I called the police on my ExH. I should have done it years ago. But today when I asked him to go he pushed me and punched me in the stomach and I realised that I needed to do something otherwise this would continue every time he saw me.

The police came, listened to both sides and told him it would be best if he left for the night. He went to a pub and then walked around in the rain. He is now sleeping in the car.

I don't know if I did the right thing calling 101.

OP posts:
thelaundryfairy · 27/12/2015 00:29

You did the right thing. Do you have any friends who can come over or whose home you can go to either now or in the morning?

Original poster
itsallgonetoshit · 27/12/2015 00:31

No, but his brother is here. I am frightened of what will happen tomorrow morning.

OP posts:
thelaundryfairy · 27/12/2015 00:34

Please don´t be frightened. Call the police or someone else who can be with you or give you a place to go where you feel safe.

Original poster
itsallgonetoshit · 27/12/2015 00:36

He isn't ever going to forgive me for this. I think I have made it worse for all of us.

OP posts:
AtSea1979 · 27/12/2015 00:36

Is his brother helpful? Or did he punch you whilst his brother was there?

AtSea1979 · 27/12/2015 00:37

What do you want his forgiveness for?

Original poster
itsallgonetoshit · 27/12/2015 00:39

His brother was in another room so didn't see. I would have expected his brother to be helpful, but when the police arrived he sided with ExH automatically and has been phoning his family badmouthing me to them ever since.

I know I shouldn't care what other people think, but it's hard knowing that all ExH's family probably think I've overreacted and am a psycho bitch.

OP posts:
Friendlystories · 27/12/2015 00:39

Sorry to hear what's happened OP, you absolutely did the right thing calling the police but if asking him to leave is all they did their response was disappointing to say the least. I don't know where you'd stand with possibly getting an injunction or non molestation order preventing him from coming to your home but it's worth looking into. Do you have DC together? Plenty of hand holding on offer here and I'm sure other posters with more knowledge about how best to protect yourself will be along soon Flowers

Original poster
itsallgonetoshit · 27/12/2015 00:40

He holds grudges forever and will take it out on me and DC. He's already been manipulating them.

OP posts:
AtSea1979 · 27/12/2015 00:41

OP it sounds like it might be best if you went to stay somewhere else. Leave H and his brother to it. Do you have DC? If not, I'd grab a few things and go.

Friendlystories · 27/12/2015 00:41

If his family think calling the police when someone has punched you is 'over reacting' they are the psycho's not you! Is there anyone other than his brother who can come and be with you?

Original poster
itsallgonetoshit · 27/12/2015 00:42

The house is in both our names. I don't think I can get a non-mol.

OP posts:
Original poster
itsallgonetoshit · 27/12/2015 00:42

I do have DC. I can't leave.

OP posts:
AtSea1979 · 27/12/2015 00:43

X post. In the morning take DC out of the environment if you think he's going to harm them. Physically or emotionally. Or ring the police again and ask them to remove him, and kick the brother out.

passmethewineplease · 27/12/2015 00:44

Sorry you're having a shit time of it OP.

You absolutely did the right thing in calling the police.

Do you still live together?

AtSea1979 · 27/12/2015 00:44

It sounds like your not seeing the gravity of the situation. How long has he been your XH?

AtSea1979 · 27/12/2015 00:46

Sorry that sounded wrong, I meant it sounds like you are unsure as to whether this relationship is over, as in wanting his forgiveness etc.

Original poster
itsallgonetoshit · 27/12/2015 00:48

We haven't lived together for a year. He became ExH about a month ago. I thought I was doing the fair thing agreeing he could be here for Christmas, but he was only supposed to be here Chrustmas Eve - Christmas Day. When I asked him when he was leaving he refused to tell me and shouted at me. then, when I asked him to leave, he pushed and punched me.

OP posts:
Original poster
itsallgonetoshit · 27/12/2015 00:50

No, the relationship is definitely over. He has another woman. I always thought I would be devastated, but it's a relief that it's finally over. He has been emotionally and sometimes physically abusive for years.

OP posts:
Original poster
itsallgonetoshit · 27/12/2015 00:50

I hoped we could separate amicably, for the sake of DC, and that's not going to happen now.

OP posts:
AtSea1979 · 27/12/2015 01:07

Ok well hopefully he'll make other plans tomorrow then if he's already leaving but you need to tell his brother to go too.

Friendlystories · 27/12/2015 01:27

Why is his brother there OP? Assuming he's not a house guest ask him to go home then make the house secure and call the police immediately if either of them come back. Not sure if any of the sources of advice I can think of are open over the holiday but it's worth trying Women's Aid, the DV unit of your local police and the National Domestic Violence helpline.

franklyidontgiveadamscarlet · 27/12/2015 01:28

Hey If I was you I would be kicking the brother out the door now
You can get a non mol. Either start a new thread of hopefully someone will come along.
You were assaulted so you did the right thing.
Don't under value yourself now.
Ring woman's aid if it helps as they can direct you for help in these matters too.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread