what do i do??

[tuilamum]

Long story short I'm NC with my mum, stepdad and unfortunately my half-siblings due to EA
EA was mainly from my stepdad (DGM thinks it was due to resentment because my existence meant DM had to stay in contact with DF) He essentially bullied me from when I was seven years old.
I've been NC for nearly three years and I've always regretted not seeing my half siblings (they're much younger than me so hard to see them without seeing DM and SF) but now I'm questioning being NC with DM
Now its been so long and I've been without that abusive behaviour for so long I'm starting to wonder if DM is in fact being abused too. I'm remembering times when she's slipped me extra money for Christmas presents with a shush don't tell, always with a smile but I still knew SF would throw a strop if he knew.
But then I remember the times she joined in with the bullying and I'm just really confused and I need an impartial opinion?

Do you have children OP?

If you do, and you married someone new, and they abused and bullied your child, what would you do? Would you go along with it, often joining in, but maybe slipping your child a bit of extra pocket money to keep her sweet?

Or would you kick the abusive twat out of yours and your child's lives?

So she would join in the bullying and then give you a bit of extra cash on the side to alleviate her guilt!
Please don't contact them again.
Our minds can play weird tricks on us.
You've done so well with NC, don't give in now.

I have a 5mo DD who she's never met, my DM is her only living grandmother.
I'm wobbling because I spoke to my DGM (mothers side) last night who's getting quite old and wants me to talk to DM again as "she'd love to hear from me", I don't feel right telling her that her DD has made me feel like a spare part since I was 7...
Plus I don't know what's been said about me and the NC to my siblings so I'm pretty sure they probably hate me now and that breaks my heart

tell you gm the truth ,op. She shd at least hear that and stop guilting you. If your m wants a relationship with you , she has hands and feet , let her do the walking& phoning.

My DF says the same, since I went NC Mum has sent me one text which I ignored and haven't heard anything since.. I haven't changed numbers
Its painful to think that my own mum gives that little of a shit