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Relationships

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Original poster

Do you change your 'type' as you get older??

23 replies

somersetsoul · 21/12/2015 14:49

Just wondering really. I know a great guy who isnt my usual type at all. He is a genuinely nice guy who I know would treat me well but Im not sure I fancy him. Is it worth dating to see if I change my mind or just be friends from the start?

Ive been single for 4 years now and have had a few short relationships with my usual type. They dont seem to work for me now that I have children IYSWIM.

OP posts:

pocketsaviour · 21/12/2015 14:51

Do you mean how he looks physically? Or what he is like as a person?

I have certainly changed my physical type as I've got older, and the bullshit I put up with (and even found attractive) as a young woman is very much no longer appreciated!

IrritableBitchSyndrome · 21/12/2015 14:54

Hmmm. I am over 40 now and married to someone who was my type as a teenager before I had any actual relationships. Previous relationships were with another type entirely, and went badly. I have somehow reverted to my first type which seems to be working out pretty well at the moment! Not sure this helps you at all with your question. If you like him and he treats you well, then absolutely date him. The fancying can come when you've built up a bit of relationship and got to know and love each other anyway.

Original poster

somersetsoul · 21/12/2015 16:05

He is attractive but defo not really attractive IYSWIM. Hes a bit older then me and just very nice. Nice isnt my usual type!!

OP posts:

ALaughAMinute · 21/12/2015 16:52

If 'nice' isn't your usual type then you need to think again!

You won't know if you fancy him until you kiss him, at least that's my experience anyway.

I think you should go on a couple of dates with him and see how you feel. I hope it works out for you.

Original poster

somersetsoul · 21/12/2015 18:21

I think I want nice now though! We are texting all day at the mo and its nice!!

I sound like such a cow! He really is the kindest bloke I have ever met!

OP posts:

PushingThru · 21/12/2015 18:25

Nice should be everybody's type if we're being sensible! I think you should proceed, but with caution & without making any promises you're unsure you can keep.

PushingThru · 21/12/2015 18:26

& you don't sound like a cow at all!

MrsWooster · 21/12/2015 18:43

I spent a lifetime yearning after men who were tricky, clever, funny... and quite mean, with hindsight. I tried to create a version of me that would please them.
Finally found a man who is clever, laid back, gentle and kind. It's a Revelation!

Original poster

somersetsoul · 21/12/2015 19:21

Im thinking a change would be good. He is great with kids, he has 9 god children so he cant be bad!! The men I have dated before were not interested in kids hence it didnt go further!

OP posts:

ThisIsStillFolkGirl · 21/12/2015 19:49

I wonder if men agonise about going out with women they don't find attractive.

Or whether they wouldn't even consider dating someone they didn't fancy just for the sake if giving her a chance not being single

Original poster

somersetsoul · 21/12/2015 19:58

I don't think men would consider someone they weren't attracted to. This guy knows I'm not looking for any kind of anything with a man at the mo. He is trying to change my mind.

OP posts:

Justaboy · 21/12/2015 23:36

Why don't you just do a date with him and see how it goes? I think we all tend to have this "type" thing inc me, but sometimes it can be a change for the better.

Go and see else you'll never know what may or may not come of it:)

Even if no chem or sparks to explosions he might make a decent friend?.

AnAngelsSins · 22/12/2015 15:54

I can totally relate. The guy I'm with now, the guy who I absolutely adore and think I will spend my life with, I wouldn't have looked at 10 years ago. He's mature, not my type in terms of looks and yet we have amazing chemistry and he's not a dick! I think this is probably normal.

Men do seem to be a bit more shallow in terms of looks, and I do think you need to be attracted to someone, but that attraction doesn't have to be all based on looks. If he makes you laugh, treats you well, is good with the kids and if you actually fancy him a bit, then why not give it a try?

myfirstandonlylove · 22/12/2015 16:04

Very interesting post. Perhaps men are more shallow overall but most people I know or most men I know don't have a type at all. All life experiences change you and can influence your tastes. I didn't used to like broccoli now it is a mainstay of my diet. Similarly heavy metal music. I have also had a thing for people with a "non Hollywood" aspect to their appearance eg somewhat overweight, some acne or just something they are insecure about. Perhaps because I too am flawed I could never be attracted to someone too "media perfect"..

Original poster

somersetsoul · 22/12/2015 16:23

Thanks all. I will see what happens. We are messaging all the time so I will see...

OP posts:

Joysmum · 22/12/2015 18:48

I was best friends with my DH for years before we got together. I was attracted to his personality but not physically. He made a move...fireworks, still fireworks 22 years later. I'm glad he took a chance.

Original poster

somersetsoul · 22/12/2015 21:57

Thanks Joysmum, thats good to know. He is getting quite flirty with his messages now! Im so out of practice, i hate dating! I would rather skip to being in a relationship!!

OP posts:

venusandmars · 22/12/2015 22:31

I met a 'nice' man, not my type at all. Accidentally kissed - and he took that to mean something significant. I was shit scared about where it might go..

20 years later...

Original poster

somersetsoul · 22/12/2015 22:38

Ooh, thank you. Im liking these positive stories!

OP posts:

2rebecca · 22/12/2015 22:44

I discovered men who I previously thought of as "deep" and thoughtful were often just self obsessed, miserable and sulky and that if a man didn't make my life more enjoyable I was better off alone. Mean and mooody men should be left behind in your mid 20s.

BillBrysonsBeard · 23/12/2015 07:41

I'm with one of the nice guys and it's been a brilliant relationship! No worrying, no angst, I can be my real self.. I wasn't attracted at all at first but he grew on me and soon I found him gorgeous. Yes it's not as exciting as past relationships but they were 'exciting' because everything was unknown. So glad I gave it a chance!

Original poster

somersetsoul · 23/12/2015 14:34

Aw, thats great to hear. I dont want the worry anymore. With children I have enough of that!

OP posts:

PoundingTheStreets · 23/12/2015 19:26

Current DP I thought was mildly attractive in a rather detached uninterested way until a night involving a few drinks and a kiss set off a pretty amazing chemical reaction that is very much still present. DP is also a 'nice' bloke.

It's worth asking yourself what it is that's turning you on about the non nice blokes. Apparently the part of the brain that feels excitement is extremely close to the part that feels fear, and the two are often confused. Throw in a background where fear was present in relationships growing up or maturing (e.g. first serious relationship), and you can find yourself in a pattern where you are constantly attracted to 'dangerous' men and not entirely sure why. It's all a bit pop psychology and there are numerous exceptions of course, but for anyone who has this pattern it's certainly worth examining IMO.

All that said, if you try and you don't feel it; don't persist. Life is too short to feel what isn't there and you can end up making each other miserable.

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