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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

He wants a divorce, can he take the house from us.

17 replies

needhelpandadvice · 19/12/2015 17:58

Ok, been separated since October, H moved out November, he informs me he is seeking divorce, my unreasonable behaviour ( this entails me socialising with friends without him). Anyway I have always paid the mortgage from my sole account, no payments from him or money coming in my account from him. He only started working earlier this year after many years together.

He insisted I either sell the house and spilt the profit or buy him out. This is the home for me and DC x 1. Can he do this?

I also have savings which I have saved solely since starting work when I left school, will I loose this too?

OP posts:

Adamandeve1976 · 19/12/2015 18:03

I think he will be entitled to some of the equity at some point and some of the savings too. How long were you married as I think this is taken into account?

Pensions are thrown into the mix too if you have any of those.

petalsandstars · 19/12/2015 18:04

See a solicitor ASAP. He doesn't get to dictate.

Want2bSupermum · 19/12/2015 18:06

I got advice before I got married about what the deal was. There are a lot of variables and you need to discuss your specific circumstances with a solicitor. I would make sure to get a quote for the cost of legal proceedings and ask if a barrister is required. Sometimes it's better to agree to something quickly than spend the extra on legal fees.

MoreGilmoreGirls · 19/12/2015 18:06

See a solicitor but if you proof that he has not contributed equally to the mortgage then the equity split should be in your favour. Good luck.

pocketsaviour · 19/12/2015 18:26

As you are married then he will be entitled to a share of the house, however if your DC's primary residence is with you, then the equity is likely to be split in your favour, and it's possible you may be able to stay in the house until they are 18 and then pay him his share.

The savings position is difficult - he'd be entitled to a share of what you've saved since you married him, I believe.

See a solicitor as soon as you can to find out the situation. Take everything you can with you - details of your pension scheme (he may also have a claim on this), the amount left on the mortgage and the approx value of the house, and any payslips of his you can find. Details of your savings account, any joint bank accounts, any debts.

Don't forget if he's now working he'll need to be paying maintenance for the DC.

Ipsos · 19/12/2015 18:30

Is it different as it's a woman who has all the money in this situation? I understood that the law changed a few years ago to ensure 50/50 split so that wealthy mean who divorced dependent (SAHP) wives had to give them a fair share of family money. I'd be interesting to know if that still holds when the woman has the money.

honeyroar · 19/12/2015 19:10

IT happened with my cousin a couple of years ago. Her parents had bought her a house outright years before she met her husband. She sold it to buy their joint house, which had a tiny mortgage. She had to pay quite a lot of money to get rid of him when he left.

WellWhoKnew · 19/12/2015 19:17

The law is applied to all and sundry irrespective of gender. It's not a case of "You there - you have vagina, therefore you keep the house".

Nor is a 50/50 split the norm except for the very wealthy.

Whether or not the OP stays in the house will depend on all the circumstances in this case - their ages, length of marriage, age of child and a whole host of other factors but mostly how much money there is to go around and so on. It doesn't matter one jot who paid for what during the marriage.

The best thing you can do OP is speak to a solicitor. Many do a free half hour. You can also read Family Law Made Simple by Gordon and Slater to explain how it all works.

Without doubt it's the most stressful thing I have ever had to cope with but it does end and life goes on.

Balders74 · 19/12/2015 19:29

I split from STBXH at the beginning of this year & we are still arguing over the house. He did not contribute towards the house, or anything else really & i put £20k deposit down pre-marriage from the sale of my sole property. There is very little equity in the house I.e £6k & he wants half of it. Since he moved out at the end of March he has paid nothing for the DC (2) claiming that he isn't earning enough (self-employed). I also gave him £1500 for the deposit on his rented house to encourage him to leave.

I will not pay him a penny more than he has had. He sat on his arse for 5 years being 'self-employed' & did not provide any financial or physical support. The kids would go to his parents after school when I was working even though he was sat at home so it's not like he could claim to be the primary caregiver for the DC.

So my advice is to see a solicitor & get some advice because it isn't clear cut.

Original poster

needhelpandadvice · 19/12/2015 22:30

Thanks all. I wouldn't mind sharing if he was a sahp, but he was at home as he wouldn't work for others as he couldn't deal with taking orders!

He says I have unreasonable behaviour, reality is I changed my life from the drug induced, emotional abuse he subjected me too and he didn't like that one bit.

Yet at the same time as miss him like mad, I know we cant go back as it isn't healthy, my dd even says she doesn't miss the moods in the house, she seems happier, not more sore tummies and her appetite is great again.

He also doesn't pay maintenance and even now wont contribute to any of the household bills etc, so im still doing it all alone.

OP posts:

springydaffs · 19/12/2015 23:55

Sounds like you were unreasonable to stop putting up with his shit.

Rofl

Viviennemary · 20/12/2015 00:11

I think he will certainly be entitled to ask for a share of the house even though you've paid for it. (Personally I think this is a bit unfair regardless of the sex of each person concerned.) It's pretty grim when someobody walks away with a tidy sum or a house if they haven't financially contributed anything.

Seeyounearertime · 20/12/2015 00:15

Viviennemary

I think it's fairly fair tbh, otherwise a SAHP is always going to lose and end up with nothing. That doesn't seem fair to me tbh.

Bogeyface · 20/12/2015 02:06

There is a difference between a SAHP wanting a share of a home they havent financially contributed to, but that wouldnt be in the family pot without their unpaid childcare, housekeeping etc. and a cocklodger/cuntlodger who wont work, wont contribute but will surf on the hard work of their partner.

OP, yes he can sadly. However, as the main care giver and the bill payer, he wont be entitled to the 50% he thinks he deserves.

Look at it this way, whatever it costs to get rid will be worth every penny. You know that you can support your family, he cant even support himself, so who will come out of this better?

Bogeyface · 20/12/2015 02:07

That is "as you are the main care giver"

Adamandeve1976 · 20/12/2015 07:03

The law isn't always morally fair when it comes to divorce!

pocketsaviour · 20/12/2015 10:48

Get onto the CMS about maintenance sharpish. They can make automatic deductions from his wages. Your DD is entitled to financial support from this waste of skin her dad.

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