What would you do?

[MeeMillieMoe]

Went on a couple of dates this week with same guy. He is moving away tomorrow so we thought we'd see each other while we can.

He is intelligent, good-looking, sporty etc and has lots of friends (just trying to paint a picture here) so a "good guy". I liked him! But he's very shy with women! You couldn't tell at first but after a few drinks he let slip. By the second date (which was alcohol free) I was really overcompensating trying to tell anecdotes, funny stories, whatever to get him out of his shell a bit. I stil feel like I haven't seen the real him?

He said he liked me and enjoyed the dates etc. But I just don't know how well we really click? So much of it was just small talk instigated by me and I felt at times his answers were based on what I wanted to hear?! Quite cute I guess but I wish he would show me who he is. I probably went too far the opposite way, telling weird anecdotes about myself just to try and break the ice

I wish I could see what he's like at work or with friends, outside of the whole "dating bubble". Im not sure whether we should try and see each other again?

I just want to see his sense of humour (and him to see mine), quite a lot of date yesterday involved him laughing politely awkwardly at my stupid jokes. It was a bit like he was just trying to make a good impression and act in a way he thought id like? Rather than just be himself

He is moving away tomorrow so its pretty academic really isn't it.

He's very shy with women, you already know that.

Perhaps the person you have seen is actually who he is, it is the real him and he is being himself.

If he is lauging awkwardly at your jokes and you are having to tell weird anecdotes to break the ice then it doesn't sound like you are a particularly good match anyway, sorry.

LEM - it's a bit complicated, he still won't be too far away. We'll be able to see each other if we want to.

noodle - good point but what does he talk about with his friends I wonder? I'm quite a gregarious person I think when I try to be and was having to work quite hard to crack jokes etc. But I get the impression that when he's comfortable with someone it's a bit easier?? Who knows!

Isn't this the point of dating?
That you don't know someone at all and you gradually get to find out about them?
I don't think you get to lazily fast track that bit

Just accept that he is what he puts across. If he seems shy, he is shy. If there's enough about him that you want to see him again, you'll get to know more. That's how it is.

Ok, fair point. We have mutual friends though and I'm fairly sure they see a different side to him. I guess what I'm asking is, is it going to get any better?!

If he's intelligent, good looking and a decent guy I'd give him another chance. Do you fancy him? Was there any chemistry there?

I don't know. This sounds so weird but I fancied him after a few drinks and objectively I appreciate he's attractive. I'm wondering if we see each other in a more low key setting next time, we could see what happens? Like maybe it's one of those things that grows on you both?

I was nervous too which was holding me back, both times.

He sometimes seems to say things because he thinks I want to hear them. Like I told him I ate a certain food and he was like oh yeah that's my favourite food too - or you know hurriedly agreeing with me on things like that. I don't know if that is genuinely the case but id much prefer to know what he's really like rather than seeing this "perfect" view

Are you trying to hard ? , relax let him do the small talk , you might find he's just plain boring

Sounds like hard work. If he's moving and it's going to be more difficult to see him I wouldn't bother. You shouldn't have to try so hard, if he likes you he should be making more effort

Soujlnds hard work

I think that it's ok to discover that, lovely though he is, he's a bit too dull for you.

Just go on more dates and see what he's like. He may have just been nervous.

If you get a good vibe then it's worth it.

From what I gather you are fairly young so I guess he is too? He might not have been on many dates?

He's been on a few dates but is young (early twenties) and studying to be a vet plus playing lots of sports so never had time for a serious relationship. I think he just doesn't really know how to relax around girls maybe