Husband is a twat

[paris100]

We have 3 dc so I work 3 days a week. As we have separate bank accounts (my choice), DH pays some money into mine monthly as we both pay half of all joint bills, mortgage, shopping, childcare etc. I do all the household chores.

DH solely owns a flat which was rented out until the tenant moved out last month and left a mess. Until it is rented out again, he insists that I pay half the mortgage on it, which I object to. It's in his name and he has never let me have anything to do with it. I've never had any of the rental income.

He also wants to stop paying his life assurance which would cover our own mortgage as he 'won't benefit from it.' He says paying money into my account monthly means I am 'bleeding him dry'. I know he's finding things a bit tight due to badly invested shares etc (his own).

There's zero affection between us, shows none to the children, only talks to me if he absolutely has to. My friends and family think he's great as he's very different in front of them.

Why are you still married? And if you divorce you are going to discover the courts see everything you own as joint property, including the investment flat.

You can take out life insurance on him for yourself - it doesn't have to be him insuring himself.

Yes he's a twat, so when are you going to limit your exposure LTB to his twattery?

Saying he doesn't want to pay life insurance because he won't benefit is absolutely appalling! I think calling him a twat is quite mild. He sounds like a fucking psychopath.

He may not benefit from it, but his 3 children would! And when you put it to him that you've never had any rental income from it, his answer is?

Bleeding him dry has he always been a cunt?

Don't blame you for the separate accounts. My DH is lovely but I'd never have a joint account with him as our spending patterns are very different and I monitor and budget whereas he doesn't.

We work on the premise that all income is household income and all bills are household expenditure. The difference gets divided equally and goes to our personal accounts. This gets revised periodically to account for changes.

We have no arguments about money, we have complete autonomy over our own spending power so no need for him to ask if he can buy the latest gadget waste of money or me to run past him my purchases either.

We both have a number of rental properties that form part of the household income, even though they are aren't in each other's name. The rent goes to a pot to pay for running expenditure of them and not stripped of 'profit' every month.

If you don't both have equal disposable income then you aren't valuing each other equally. I'd not want to be in a marriage like that.

Are you actually married? If so, it is pointless to keep separate finances. It's a constant source of disagreement, and if you ever get divorced, everything is taken into account in the settlement, irrespective of whose name it was in anyway.

Separate finances is only ever viable when both parties work. If one is SAH, then finances have to be pooled. I am in the latter situation: the single income provider. Our accounts are joint, we can both see what we are each spending from it, and there are rarely arguments about it. I suspect that dual income households would benefit from the same pooling, rather than worrying all the time about what money belongs to whom.

That said, he sounds pretty selfish from your description, so merged finances may not solve your issues. Good luck.

He is selfish, and he has conned you into paying proportionately far more towards bills etc than is fair. How did that happen?

Either you pool finances and bills and overheads come out of the joint account and you both have some left over to spend on yourselves, OR you keep accounts separate and you split the bills proportionately according to your incomes. You working 3 days, doing all the housework and still paying half of everything is outrageous.

Yes he is a twat.

Do you want to stay with him? What positive things does he bring to your lives?

Separate finances is only ever viable when both parties work. If one is SAH, then finances have to be pooled

Rubbish!

I was a SAHM and now a WAHM earning far less than DH and we've always done it this way.

You work out the differences between income and outgoings and ensure each has half of disposable income after bills.

As the higher earner, DH does a standing order into my personal account to cover the bills I pay and ensure I have my half the disposable income.

There's no way on earth I'd ever have joint accounts. Too many women on here get fleeced by their partners or moan about their spending. I have a lot of savings in my name. I spend what I want, when I want without needing to justify, seek permission or clarify his spending for the rest of the month to see if it's affordable.

I'm a saver who likes a big blowout occasionally. DH spends more every month but doesn't do such large purchases. Our spending patterns aren't compatible and I hate us to be one of those couples who are constantly watching the pennies to see if spending is fair or doable.

There's too much scope for arguments with joint accounts and that's not for us!

Ditch him and get fair division of assets and child support. That'll settle him.

Yes I agree with you joysmum. Joint finances only work if you have the same attitude to money. My husband is quite frugal and spends very little on himself, chosing to spend his spare cash on is growing collection of horrible antiques as well as his many diy projects (which he does well and I benefit from). I spend my spare cash on booze, fags, clothes (for me and the kids) botox and lots of holidays and days out (which he benefits from).

We'd really resent each other if we saw the other sending "family money" on what we considered to be fripperies.

I still think the ops husband is a psychopathic twat though.

Fuck that! Ditch the tight cunt.

Ugh. Three kids with this asshole?

a) Do not pay toward the mortgage on his property
b) Start making plans for your own life and seeking a full time paying job.