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Original poster

attraction towards a married colleague

27 replies

reitu82 · 11/12/2015 22:51

Hi all,
Its very weird to discuss this problem. there is a guy who just started work in my company. he sounded very nice. his desk is in front of me and whenever he gets up to do something, he most of the times glances at me and smile. we had a few brief emails about christmas plans or food.
then one day coincidently left work same time and he asked me can you reach home following the same journey as him and i said no, i can only have the same train stop but i have to get another line. so we had a little chat while walking towards station.
I felt as if he is attracted towards me. I like him but i should not feel that way as i am married and have 2 kids. i try to keep distance from him and still getting attracted towards him. not sure why?
This is very embarassing to discuss. but I wanted to know if this guy also likes me? but he has not asked me for lunch together yet.
when he comes near me to talkin office, i start getting nervous and i don't want my colleagues to know about my feelings for him.
i am not sure what to do, but there is a curiosity to know if he likes or not.
please help.

OP posts:
Penfold007 · 11/12/2015 22:54

Your married with children. If you want to leave your H then do so but an office affair isn't the way to do it.

SpendSpendSpend · 11/12/2015 22:58

Do not go there

You are attracted to the forbidden fruit. You are attracted to him as hes like a breath of fresh air compared to the day to day living with kids, housework, arguing over household chores and the bills etc.

Dont go there, its not worth it

IamlovedbyG · 11/12/2015 23:01

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DeltaZeta · 11/12/2015 23:07

Really, don't go there. Most people feel attracted to others at some point during their marriage. But no good will come of pursuing it.

Leave this man alone. Stop mooning over him like a teenager before you embarrass yourself.

If you have problems in your marriage either sort them out or leave.

Gileswithachainsaw · 11/12/2015 23:12

life with partners and children can seem dull and full of stress and exhaustion. new people share none of the broken nights or illness or fighting with you. you have only happy memories of a friendly face and a bit of attention. it's easy to get carried away with it all. but it's not real. life with raht person would end up exactly the same boring way. school runs, work, dinner parties, vomiting children on a Thursday night.

if life is unbearable then change it ir leave your dh. but don't get suck into thinking ot will all be different with this guy.

Eminado · 11/12/2015 23:14

life with that person would end up exactly the same boring way. school runs, work, dinner parties, vomiting children on a Thursday night.

What a summary Smile Grin

hmcReborn · 11/12/2015 23:14

Do you have ANY morals?

Focusfocus · 11/12/2015 23:19

You sound like a teenager. You'll need to let this go.

I'm not sure what else to really say without getting my post deleted by MNHQ.

EssentialHummus · 11/12/2015 23:20

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PrimeDirective · 11/12/2015 23:20

but I wanted to know if this guy also likes me
Why? Are you going to have an affair with him or is it just an ego boost?
Are you unhappy in your marriage? If so, do something about it, if not, stop behaving like a lovesick teenager and focus on your marriage before you destroy it.

EssentialHummus · 11/12/2015 23:22

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SuckingEggs · 11/12/2015 23:22

You sound very young and naive. Did you marry young?

Don't pursue this. You'll get hurt and regret it.

hmcReborn · 11/12/2015 23:33

I think you are right Essential

Original poster
reitu82 · 12/12/2015 19:52

Hi, its not i m in love or will let my family affect with it. its not i am being teenager. its just some strange attraction, which even i m not agree with it. i do feel strongly that i should not be thinking like it. I fully understand my responsibility. guys, pls dont misunderstand. I had this strange feeling and i didnt know who to share with so i thought i will share with neutral person. i know no one will encourage this. all i was asking how to overcome with this attraction.
i am not unfaithful person ,but sometimes some things are not fully under your control.
but i guess i couldnt explain my feelings properly.

OP posts:
bigbumbrunette · 12/12/2015 20:01

Of course things are fully under your control

Believeitornot · 12/12/2015 21:19

I've had similar and realised I was acting like a silly teenager. I needed an ego boost - y husbands compliments weren't enough for me. I felt like a new woman having gone back to work and got my groove back post DCs.
I never acted on it and basically moved teams which helped calm down the feelings. I still see the person but attraction is not the same.

So ask yourself, are you happy? What is missing in your relationship?

Peppapigallowsmetoshower · 12/12/2015 21:32

Your actions are fully under your control. Take a hold of yourself and have a reality check. No, you can't help your feelings, that's true but you can use your logical brain to keep yourself from making a massive mistake. Or go ahead but be prepared for your life to go down the shitter and that of your husband, your kids, his wife etc etc etc. Your choice.

PacificDogwod · 12/12/2015 21:36

If things are not under your control, whose are they under? Confused

By all means feels a bit flattered by the attention, but beyond that? Seriously?!

If you are unhappy in your marriage, then address that.
If you are happy, then why on earth would you even begin to think about risking what you have got, because somebody you've known for 5 minutes is showing an interest? If makes you sound insecure and rather needy.

Original poster
reitu82 · 12/12/2015 22:27

Thanks for all your advices. I will make sure that i will keep some safe distance from him. I will avoid him and try to distract myself. Situations are in my control, i understand but sometimes feelings don't understand logical brain responses. I am still in my senses, i know I will not let it affect my family or his wife, but may be its just his attention that its making me feel special, as my H have so many physical looks issues sometimes after my 2nd child.that brings my morale down. once i went to size 16, but now i have tried to come back to 12-14. so, i m not sure why i should object someone's attention as long its not crossing limits.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 13/12/2015 08:16

Goodness, you make it sound like you have never been in the same room as a man before.

It's just chitchat. For God's sake don't embarass yourself by reading any more into it.

AuntieStella · 13/12/2015 08:22

"i m not sure why i should object someone's attention as long its not crossing limits"

He's not crossing boundaries, but it sounds as if you are. And of course you are in control of, and totally responsible for, your actions.

witsender · 13/12/2015 13:17

He sounds like he is just being polite and friendly? I can't see any indications of attraction in your description.

But regardless, neither of you are available and you work together...so pull yourself together.

spudlike1 · 13/12/2015 13:18

It's a silly flutter / fantasy / ego boost
Get real

ScribblerOnTheRoof · 16/12/2015 13:30

Some really nasty comments here. She clearly has no one in RL she can speak to about this.

If you are looking at other men and gaining feelings then you should assess what is happening in your current marriage.

I am assuming you aren't happy?

In whcih case you should leave, that way you are free to explore all your feelings with other men. Until then, it would be cruel

JeanAndTonic · 16/12/2015 14:39

Leave it well alone. I know women like you, you wreck marriages. He's just being nice.

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