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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

How to deal with it if someone makes it obvious they don't like you?

29 replies

ExesAndOhs · 05/12/2015 22:42

One of the mums from DS's school does not like me and makes it obvious but I have no idea why. When the boys started school she invited DS and I round for a playdate and all was fine. I sent her a text a few weeks later inviting them to ours and she read it but did not reply and since then has made it very obvious that she doesn't like me. She mostly ignores me if I say hello to her or just rolls her eyes, yet is lovely and friendly with everyone else, who all think she is great!

It is difficult as the boys are friends at school and there are lots of parties and school events where we come into contact with each other, not to mention school collection each day (the boys are in the same class and we have to wait in a small space to collect from their classroom!)

I know as adults we are not meant to care if someone likes us or not but I do find it quite upsetting and it makes me uncomfortable :(

OP posts:

timelytess · 05/12/2015 22:46

Carry on as if there is nothing wrong, smile and move on. Pretend you aren't uncomfortable and you don't care. Very soon you'll find you are not uncomfortable after all and you really don't care.

WhataRacquet · 05/12/2015 22:50

Bring a book to read while you're waiting and just ignore her.

You shouldn't worry what a person who is too rude to answer your invite thinks of you.

TrinityForce · 05/12/2015 22:53

Ignore her!

suzannecaravaggio · 05/12/2015 22:56

Childish and churlish
That sort of behavior would be embarrassing in a six year old never mind an adult

She's low, easy to rise above

pocketsaviour · 05/12/2015 22:58

You've got to just ignore her, sorry. She's a twat, who knows why, maybe you committed some cardinal sin like not wiping your feet enough when you entered/left her house. Whatever. Just talk to someone else, or get your phone or a book out and ignore the bitch back.

Canyouforgiveher · 05/12/2015 23:07

Did you inadvertently have sex with her husband on the way out of that playdate??

ignore her is the right advice.

at this stage of my life, though, I'd be hard pressed not to laugh out loud at an adult who rolled her eyes when I said hello.

Original poster

ExesAndOhs · 05/12/2015 23:11

Urgh I hope I didn't inadvertently shag her husband; he's a total minger! LOL

Cheers for the replies everyone, I will ignore the silly cow!

OP posts:

springydaffs · 05/12/2015 23:14

I doubt very much it's anything you did. It's all her stuff. I'd put a bet on it.

Fake it till you make it - act your socks off: blase, unconcerned, pretend she isn't there when you're waiting in that small space. It'll drive her nuts. More importantly, it will give you confidence.

She isn't worth a moment of your thoughts. People who behave like that really aren't.

springydaffs · 05/12/2015 23:15

X-post

Yay! You go

ChippyOik · 05/12/2015 23:29

I agree that the best way is to pretend you haven't noticed. There is a woman who knows a lot of people I know and she CLEARLY doesn't like me and I used to smile and nod and act as though she wasn't totally blanking me when she was talking to my friends. But I started to feel a door mat, so then I started ignoring her back. Now I think the bad feeling seems to have escalated, although nothing has been said! But if I were to go on a night out and she were there, it'd spoil it for me.

So definitely fake normal.

PoundingTheStreets · 06/12/2015 01:21

Depends on your personality. If you don't mid confrontation, just go straight up to her and say, "It's clear you're ignoring me since our DC's playdate. Rather than playing games, let's behave like mature adults about this, bearing in mind our children are going to be growing up together for the next X years. What's the problem?"

Ignore and rise above it is excellent advice, but only if you can genuinely do it and learn not to care. Otherwise, it tends to leave you feeling like you've chickened out of the necessary confrontation, which leaves you feeling worse even when you're not the one who's done anything wrong.

gottachangethename1 · 06/12/2015 09:15

I'm in exactly the same situation with a work colleague. I've only ever been polite and friendly to her, yet it's clear she can't stand me. I tried to make an effort but now I just ignore her. It did upset me for a bit, but now I'm of the opinion that she is just a horrible cow and not worth any thought whatsoever.

coffeetasteslikeshit · 06/12/2015 09:24

I think ignoring her is the way forward. The reason for her not liking you could quite literally be anything. I remember reading on here once that a poster wouldn't have someone back in their house if they hadn't removed their shoes before entering, even though they also said that they wouldn't ask someone to remove their shoes as that would be rude?!?

JumpingJack56 · 06/12/2015 09:38

I have exactly the same situation with a parent of a child my dd plays with-always looking down her nose at me.

We'd literally never spoken one word to each other when I first noticed the look of disdain she was giving me in the playground-didn't really notice at first (well I did but didn't really register anything about it) was only when it happened every single time I saw her for a while. I just leave her to it, it's her own problem not mine so I just act indifferent to her being there, she doesn't know me at all, only thing she knows about my family is that my dd (the one who is friends with hers) is autistic (I try and ignore the fact that her looks at me started after my dd shared with the class her diagnosis, we'd muddled along 3 school years before that without any looks from her).

I actually think my indifference makes her feel a bit uncomfortable as when we ended up sat on tables next to each other at a child's party she did end up speaking a few words to me whilst her daughter was stood chatting to me for the third time-was quite funny as you could see the effort it took for her

Roussette · 06/12/2015 09:49

I knew a Mum like this, she made my life very uncomfortable when we'd moved schools. Lots of blocking me by turning her back on me as I was trying to be friendly to other Mums, eye rolling, frowning and being the only 2 waiting to pick up from an extra after school and still ignoring me! She didn't know me from Adam, but just took an instant dislike of me for no reason, very upsetting at the time.

Fast forward many years. She and her DH rented a house 2 doors up. I am like the social secretary with our neighbours and we always have a summer street party and a christmas bash. Her face when she realised who I was, I will never forget! She had to be nice to me or feel totally excluded. I was sugary sweet OTT and it was hilarious because she had to chat with me and be pleasant, it must've been very painful for her! Good!

Karma is a wonderful thing.

ellbell345 · 06/12/2015 10:41

I'm with Timelytess and Chippyoik on this. Unless someone has the guts to tell me that they don't like me I carry on treating them the same as I would anyone else. Why lower yourself to her level by ignoring her. If she has reasons for not wanting to talk to you that's her problem, rise above it.

Bubbletree4 · 06/12/2015 10:54

There are weirdos like this around at the school gates. You just need to breezily say Hi and walk on. Don't be rude or blank her at this stage because that would be poor behaviour from you and others will clock it.

It's more likely to be her problem, but that said, I'd still have a brief think about anything that you did/said that might have pissed her off. Do you think that it was something in the house like shoes not taken off or did your dc snatch a toy and you didn't intervene? Any random stuff like this? Some people are just completely nasty. I had a woman and her dd round from school (think nursery/rec) can't remember and she basically blatantly assessed how clever/not my dc were by testing them on shapes/random shit I can't remember. Anyway we failed the test . Although she was perfectly pleasant at my house, she completely scaled me back after that. I have another friend who she similarly ditched after one coffee. That friend is really nice and I am still friends with her several years later.

whatdoIget · 06/12/2015 11:10

There's a parent in my son's class who doesn't seem to like me for some reason. I used to wonder why and be a bit upset about it. Having seen her and listened to her speaking to her children over the years, I think I can say with fairness that she's not a very nice person with a face like a slapped arse so it's not me, it's her.

WeAllHaveWings · 06/12/2015 11:17

I probably wouldn't notice, would just start a conversation with her anyway, and ask if her ds would like to come over on Saturday.

Badbadtromance · 06/12/2015 11:28

I too have a school mum nutter. She hates me!! Its been gone on 7 years and we have never spoken but she delights in telling others how much she hates me. Have to face her later at an out of school activitie so I shall just breathe and ignore

jipjap · 06/12/2015 11:31

whatdoIget you sound charming. Are you sure it's not you who's not a very nice person?

whatdoIget · 06/12/2015 11:32

jipjap yes, I'm sure

LadyMaryofDownt0n · 06/12/2015 11:40

I'll go against the grain slightly here and ask if you are really sure there's nothing more to this story? It sounds like there could be something your unaware of.

Why don't you just ask her if any things happened. Maybe she's decided your bit the type of person she would have anything uncommon with & now feels superior to you. None the less, she's behaving very childish.

Roussette · 06/12/2015 11:42

Well.... I used to think far worse of my hater than what whatdoiget has typed. I longed to trip her up, or have her slip on a banana skin or worse. I think what has been remarkably restrained! Why should these ghastly people go round taking an instant dislike to others for no reason? It is upsetting.

ProfYaffle · 06/12/2015 11:47

I have one of these people at our school too. Not sure why she doesn't like me and dd2 but she doesn't. It's been going on years and we just kind of amiably ignore each other.

Until the other day.

I arrived wearing a hat, she clearly didn't recognise me and made a cheery comment to me about the weather. I went "", she realised her mistake and her face was a picture. I mumbled something vague and polite, she flushed bright red, went silent and stared studiously at a spot somewhere over my head. Bizarre.

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