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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Am I being bullied?

14 replies

Neverletmego27 · 04/12/2015 22:43

Not sure where to post.... I am 28, part way through an MA and I feel left out/ like I don't want to go to classes anymore because of some stuff that has been happening. It's just people in my class foing stuff like ganging up on me when we were talking about a rape scene (to the point of one group of people shouting at me, accusing me of not beig objective when I revealed I was a rape survivor...) not inviting me out to the bar after, ignoring me before class (not talking to me), ignoring my facebook requests, laughing when I talk, deliberately taking the opposition to anything I say, not offering any feedback on work that sort of thing. It's only because I'm a) fat and b) ugly that they are doing it though so I suppose I'll have to put up with it. But is it bullying? Am I being sensitive?

OP posts:

MagpieCursedTea · 04/12/2015 22:48

It doesn't sound very pleasant. You sound quite down on yourself anyway so any extra unpleasantness is going to be harder to deal with. Can you talk to one of your tutors about it?

Original poster

Neverletmego27 · 04/12/2015 22:50

I'm just not sure whether it's worth going to the tutor's about as it could just be a personality clash...

OP posts:

MissApple · 04/12/2015 23:00

You should go to a tutor, they will have come across it before and know how to deal with it. It sounds like group bullying to me

MagpieCursedTea · 04/12/2015 23:16

Even if it's just a personality clash (and to be honest from what you've said I think it goes beyond that) you should still speak to your tutor. If it's got to the point that you don't want to go in for lectures, then it needs to be discussed with your tutor. Do you have a good relationship with him/her? Are they supportive?

Original poster

Neverletmego27 · 04/12/2015 23:20

He's alright, my friend told me today she thinks I'm vulnerable and that they ganged up on me and she communicated this to the tutor.I keep wondering what it is I've done wrong to upset them so much though.

OP posts:

MagpieCursedTea · 04/12/2015 23:30

Bullying isn't the fault of the victim, it's the fault of the bully. I'm glad to hear you've got a friend looking out for you. Please speak to your tutor.

Jux · 04/12/2015 23:42

Even with a personality clash, there is no excuse for people to behave like that. It's atrocious.

Please go to your tutor.

Meanwhile, make a note of all of it with dates, and names.

They'd never get away with itn the workplace, and there's no reason they should get away with it now. This sort of thing should have been left behind in primary school.

Slowjog · 04/12/2015 23:45

You should speak to the same tutor too

Original poster

Neverletmego27 · 04/12/2015 23:56

I'd feel like a little kid whining though, to be honest.

OP posts:

EBearhug · 05/12/2015 00:14

Do you think you'd feel less like whining if you thought about what you were going to say? Instead of, "they're picking on me!" start with something like, you "feel there's an issue with the class". If you've got dates and examples, as Jux has suggested, that will also be helpful. I think your tutor will take it seriously if it's going to affect whether you would attend classes or not.

Will you have to do any group work for assessment?

(They shouldn't ever get away with this in the workplace, but many a MN thread would suggest otherwise.)

harveybristol · 05/12/2015 08:05

My department of work colleagues used to treat me similarly to this. In the end, I spoke to my boss which made me realise that it definitely wasnt me or anything I'd done. I also had counselling for low self esteem (sounds like you also need this.)
I still work with the same colleagues which is difficult, but have learned ways to cope. They still don't invite me to the bar etc but I now make the choice not to try to be involved and don't interact or sit near them unless necessary. I also speak to them now very matter of factly, with little 'friendliness' in my voice. I think it helps show them that I dont particularly like them either! It's helped but it can be lonely being the minority against a group of bullies.

Speak to someone. If only to help you realise that you are not accepting this anymore.

ellbell345 · 05/12/2015 08:17

Speak to your tutor but also get an appointment with your university's student counselling service. Your description of the situation sounds like this is affecting your self-esteem which will probably be affecting your uni work. Talking it through with a supportive person can help you feel better about yourself and help you develop a plan / the confidence to address the bullying.

Original poster

Neverletmego27 · 05/12/2015 11:57

Thank you for all of the replies. I am already having counselling for a separate issue, so perhaps we can address this. I just never thought it was bullying, as I'm so used to being treated like this that it's become almost normal.

OP posts:

Jux · 05/12/2015 14:01

Yes, do talk to your counsellor.

Tutors are very familiar with this sort of thing, and they'll know exactly how to deal with it too. Universities have many resources to help students. Please do tap the font! Your tutor will definitely want to know about this, and to help you. Universities want their students to do well and be happy. Let them help you. Talk to your tutor.

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