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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband being a real asshole

21 replies

gg1234 · 04/12/2015 02:29

My hubby came from office today and before even he closed the outdoor he started off .'My friend is going to do some masters and his wife has fully supported him to studyfurther .They are going back to stay for sometime separated .The wife will take care of the kid '.I wanted my work visa to come so that I can start a full time job after spending 5 years in this country without work .Now that my work visa has arrived my hubby wants me to go back because he cant concentrate at home due to the kid .
He wants me stay separated atleast for a year or two till the time he works out on his job and education .What should I do ?

OP posts:
EchoOfADistantTide · 04/12/2015 02:33

LTB.

Sorry, no help but it sounds like his study thing is a cowardly way of ending the marriage, to me.

Original poster
gg1234 · 04/12/2015 02:39

I really feel so stuck with the kid and in a very helpless situation .I feel not to come back at all if the situation in like this .

OP posts:
EchoOfADistantTide · 04/12/2015 02:40

He wants you to go back to your home country with your child? Has he said how he will support you both?

Original poster
gg1234 · 04/12/2015 02:46

I will be supported by my parents Or else I think I will find a job myself .

OP posts:
Original poster
gg1234 · 04/12/2015 02:47

I just don't want to stay with my parents anymore .:(

OP posts:
EchoOfADistantTide · 04/12/2015 02:55

Are you currently living in the UK?

Original poster
gg1234 · 04/12/2015 02:58

Yeah

OP posts:
ThisOldFool · 04/12/2015 03:16

Just tell him you're staying put. If he wants to live apart for a couple of years whilst he does his education thing, great! "Off you go dear, and do your own thing. Me? I'm staying put". Sorry, my guess is he wants out. Flowers

MagicalMrsMistoffelees · 04/12/2015 03:25

'The kid'???

EchoOfADistantTide · 04/12/2015 03:30

I assume English is not the OP's first language.

ShebaShimmyShake · 04/12/2015 08:21

What kind of man demands that his wife and child go and live in another country for a year at least so that he can pursue a personal goal without them around as distraction? Even if this is normal in your culture, it doesn't mean you have to abide by it.

He's a selfish dickhead. Don't do it, or end the marriage properly if you do.

LineyReborn · 04/12/2015 08:26

Is he your child's father? And you're married, with a work visa for the UK?

I wouldn't be going anywhere in a hurry.

MissFitt68 · 04/12/2015 13:04

Which country are you returning to?

hellsbellsmelons · 04/12/2015 13:54

ThisOldFool has it spot on.
You do NOT have to go anywhere just because he says so.
I would assume your marriage is now over.
But you don't have to go back to your parents.
Get to citizens advice and ask them about benefits, housing, etc....
Then get onto child support and find out how much your husband should be paying in child maintenance.
Sorry but he doesn't get to dip in and out of family life.
He chose to get married and have children. He HAS to support any children and that's how it is here.
Don't be bullied by this complete arsehole.
Is the house bought? Mortgaged? Rented?

hellsbellsmelons · 04/12/2015 13:57

I would also guess he's abusive towards you in certain ways.
Do you have full access to money?
Are you allowed to have friends and family around?
Do you go out with any friends you have made over here?
If... I'm right (I could of course be way off) then please contact Womens Aid. They can also help you with this situation. 0808 2000 247

RedMapleLeaf · 04/12/2015 13:57

I think we need a lot more information about this situation.

Original poster
gg1234 · 04/12/2015 15:39

Thank you for your suggestions as I said I have just got my work visa or working rights here I will try and find out from advice bureau but my dear hubby is not giving me anytime to even think he wants me to just leave asap my parents have agrees to take me on his request and he told him it's just temporary.I don't know whether this marriage is over or not but yes I know for sure now that I am trapped . The only possibly I see here to leave and keep my son safe wherever I go and then find a job and never come back

OP posts:
Skang · 04/12/2015 15:44

If you don't want to leave the country there is no need for you to. It's not up to him or your parents. It's up to you.

Personally I wouldn't want to continue a marriage with someone who threw me and our child out of our home.

Jackie0 · 04/12/2015 15:51

No one can force you to do anything.
Go and see a solicitor.
Do you own the house or rent?

Original poster
gg1234 · 04/12/2015 16:02

I totally agree with you SKang .I personally dont want to continue living with a person who throws me out saying he wants to progress and then today its one situation tomorrow there be plenty so eveytime something happens I will be asked to leave .People progress and work staying together.He never thought about my career at once .Its a shame that I feel so weak today as a human being .Having no control over my future .

OP posts:
Original poster
gg1234 · 04/12/2015 16:06

Everytime I am being said that its my work .When my son is sick or he needs nurturing its my work .My hubby hardly has even taken care of my son to give me some time off from such a tedious 24 by 7 job . I am just blamed and told its my job not anyone else .So parenting is now only limited to mother .Better call it mothering rather parenting .Thats the reason sometimes I think y did I became a mother at all .Thanks all for your suggestions and I will try and see what to do for better future for my kid and me

OP posts:
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