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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Does this text sound a bit back tracking?

23 replies

Suetpudding · 01/12/2015 16:57

Been seeing a guy from work for about 5 months, he is under a lot of pressure and stress and recently things haven't been great!

So after stressing for a while I decided to just text and see what's what

He responded bavk "everything is up, stressed and don't want to fuck anyone around"

I took that as a blow off so decided to just keep it nice and responded "I get that, don't want to be awkward at work shall we grab a drink?

He texted bavk straight away yes! Left it at that

Few hours later he texts "do you know what love, I have had enough of all the crap, not you but all the other idoits I have to deal with!

I haven't responded to that because I don't really understand if it's a back track and he not ending it or what?

Views?

OP posts:

Duckdeamon · 01/12/2015 16:58

Either way sounds like you're best off without him!

Killairno · 01/12/2015 17:01

My first reaction was that he is ending it, not 'cause of you but 'cause of other people.

I think it is probably best to walk away at this point either way - he's stressed and bothered and things haven't been great recently. It's relatively early days and it's a work relationship so if things go thoroughly to shit, could be particularly awkward.
I think the time is ripe to get out.

Whythehellnot · 01/12/2015 17:02

I'm not sure why you asked him for a drink. Did you mean go out one evening? Or there and then in work?

He definitely sounds stressed out. I would leave it now and let him make the next move. But I wouldn't personally want to see him again. It makes me stressed just reading those texts!

Original poster

Suetpudding · 01/12/2015 17:04

Meant just one evening, work together so want to stay friendly and not have any bad feeling!

I know he is under huge pressure at the moment and working to a dealine what will cost him thousands if not meet

OP posts:

TokenGinger · 01/12/2015 17:05

I didn't get from either text that he was ending it, just taking his stressed mood out on you, which isn't fair.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 01/12/2015 17:06

I don't think he was backtracking. I think he was just ranting.

What did your original message say? Is it possible that he thought you were ending it?

I'd leave it and see what he does next.

Whythehellnot · 01/12/2015 17:06

Well he knows where you are if he wants to keep you as a friend. But is that what you want? It sounds like you are doing all the work. You are too nice!

redteddy · 01/12/2015 17:08

Sounds like a cry for help.
Maybe he just needs someone to talk to, someone to share the stress with. If you don't mind being that person, then great! But if you're hoping for a romantic relationship with him...I'd walk away now!

MatildaTheCat · 01/12/2015 17:08

I would read the last message as him saying he's stressed but not including you in that.

Go for the drink and talk? Texts are too ambiguous.

TheoriginalLEM · 01/12/2015 17:16

the begining of a relationship is meant to be fun, you are not having fun....

Original poster

Suetpudding · 01/12/2015 17:17

My original text was "what's up? Shall I just presume you have changed your mind and it's all off?

( things have been good between us, spoke a lot about feelings a a future together)

I also don't want the convo by text which is why I said about a drink so we can chat as mates!

Just in two minds do I text and suggest meeting later or just leave it for him to come to me now, as I actually have no idea what page he is on regarding us!

OP posts:

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 01/12/2015 17:19

Seems to me like he wanted to meet you for a drink and have a vent about all the idiots. The opposite of back tracking. If you are happy with that, text back something along the lines "Sounds like you need that drink! Let me know when's good for you."

CwtchMeQuick · 01/12/2015 17:31

I don't think it sounds like he's blowing you off or backtracking. Just sounds to me like he's stressed at work and he's saying you're not a part of the problem.
I think you need to meet him for a drink and get it all out in the open

category12 · 01/12/2015 17:41

Just phone him up.

Lozza1990 · 01/12/2015 18:36

To me it just sounds like he is ranting

Gladysandtheflathamsandwich · 01/12/2015 18:41

My original text was "what's up? Shall I just presume you have changed your mind and it's all off?

Well bloody hell, you didnt give him much of a chance did you?!

You know he is stressed at work, you know why he is stressed,and you have talked about a future but you immediately jumped in with assumptions that he wants to dump you!

Nice way to add to his stress!

Frankly you sound very needy and childish. A far better thing would be to ask if everything is ok, does he want a chat/rant about work and say that you are there if he wants to talk about it. I am amazed he didnt tell you to bugger off tbh!

WipsGlitter · 01/12/2015 18:57

I agree he just sounds v stressed.

eddielizzard · 01/12/2015 19:01

don't contact him again. let him contact you when he's got more time. of course you may be too busy...

he's saying he's got too much on and while he likes you, i think you're adding to his stress. i'd assume that he's too stressed and busy to have time for a relationship / whatever.

firesidechat · 01/12/2015 20:01

Sounds like one of those annoyingly cryptic face book posts. It would put me right off.

Suddenlyseymour · 01/12/2015 21:03

Definitely leave it, you jumped in very quickly with "assume it's all over then?" - makes you sound needy and powerless, handing him the power really.

Don't text him back, wait for him. Well, don't wait around, just get on with your life, and if he reappears then so be it. All this accommodating by women for men "stressed at work".......it shouldn't be like this after only 5 months!

LuluJakey1 · 01/12/2015 22:29

Leave it. He has done it once and left you feeling uncertain. He can do it again when he is under pressure. Let him take out out on someone else. Work relationships are never a good thing anyway.

Asteria36 · 01/12/2015 22:35

Stop bloody texting and call him! Why do people hide behind text messages nowadays? It creates a multitude of problems, not least because people read alternative meanings into them.
Just call him and arrange to meet up, but don't pressure him if he is really stressed.

Atenco · 02/12/2015 02:10

Text messages are a disaster, but it sounds like if you have any feelings for him, don't bring up issues about your relationship when he is up to his eyes in work.

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