Children as weapons meaning/examples

[torontonian]

I have just been accused of using my kids as weapons and I could not react but with shock. I found that my STBXH is like a parrot. He just repeats what he hears even if it doesn't make sense. But I wondered if I am the one who is in the wrong.
He went out today and when he came back he moved the garbage bins to the street (it is garbage night). I heard him and quickly sent a message asking him to be quiet when he entered since the kids were sleeping (2.5 yo and 4 mo). He woke the baby up. I took her away from my son's room so the noise didn't wake him up and was trying to put her to sleep again. STBXH came upstairs and asked me if I wanted him to take her. I said no, I was trying to make her fall back asleep. He looked confused, I explained that she was sleeping but the door woke her up (no blame) so I thought that she could fall back sleep again. He then asked if I am using the kids as weapons. Am I?

No I don't think you are. Although I'm confused with why he'd say it.
He sounds defensive.

Usually that phrase is used when someone says eg "if you don't dump your new girlfriend I'll stop contact".

He's being daft.

From what you have said, I wonder whether he perceives that you use the children to escalate a row, in a 'look what you've done now' way.

Not saying that you do - just trying to see what the explanation might be.

Normally I would say it would involve turning a child against the other parent ('Your dad is late again. I expect he's too busy to bother with you'), or using the fact that the children are in the room to score a point in another way ('well I'd like to go to grandma's [AKA MiL from hell] for Christmas. You want that as well, don't you kids?).

STBXH? So are you splitting up with him because he is a twat? Could he be being a twat now?

What you did sounded strange but only because you had to tell him not to wake the baby by slamming the door. Why would he need to be told that? His house, his baby, at night, asleep, bins happen every week, he knows what the door sounds like, he knows babies can wake up if there is a loud noise. Just seems really odd that you would feel the need to text him in the middle of doing the bins.

I find the texting odd too. I wouldn't expect someone to check their texts while doing the bins but then I am a bit of a Luddite. And I wouldn't touch my phone with bin hands.

Were you stopping or interfering in agreed contact? No you weren't, you were trying to settle a child who he'd woken up with his thoughtlessness.

Do yourself a favour and ignore him because getting into a discussion with/ or wasting headspace on someone this stupid, is futile.

Why are you even second guessing yourself here? Why do you even think you're out of order over this? You need to believe in yourself and trust your own judgement. The ex, quite possibly, is playing mind games with you specifically designed to undermine your sense of self-worth. Its classic 'drip drip,' And he's succeeding isn't he?

Stop doubting yourself. Stop questioning yourself. You are the one who is calling the shots not him and he needs to recognise that. Get assertive and call him out on his pathetic attempts to make you question your motives. It gives him power over you which you need to take back.

I wonder whether he means that you use the children to make him feel bad?

I guess he would say he hadn't done anything wrong - he put the bins out and, when the baby woke, offered to take her.

In return he got a text telling him to be quiet, and then a slightly barbed comment about how the door had woken the baby.

I can see your side too, of course I can. To me this just looks like a relationship that has run its course and two people who assume the worst of each other.

No your not using as weapons but I would have given him the baby he woke her he can get her back to sleep. Your lucky he offered my man don't I have to ask if he will take the baby