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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Assult and common battery

20 replies

WhoGivesAFlying · 20/11/2015 22:58

My H is on probation due to this. If I were to leave (it's been 8 months since it occurred), it's happened again but I didn't report it) how could I ensure our ds is safe when with him?

OP posts:
startrek90 · 20/11/2015 23:09

You can ask for supervised contact. Given his history of domestic violence you would be granted that. You really need to leave. He is dangerous

goddessofsmallthings · 20/11/2015 23:13

How old is your ds and was he present on any of the occasions when you were assaulted?

May I ask why you didn't report his subsequent assault and have you considered letting his probation officer know what took place?

Original poster
WhoGivesAFlying · 20/11/2015 23:22

My ds is nearly 3, he saw what happens so ss were involved (I called the police). I didn't report the next one due to the stress of the ss

OP posts:
Original poster
WhoGivesAFlying · 20/11/2015 23:23

Would I get supervised contact after this long?

OP posts:
Original poster
WhoGivesAFlying · 20/11/2015 23:26

Also, I'm about to have counselling, but I don't feel I can open up due to what's happened and the ss involvement. I won't jeopardise my ds .

OP posts:
Lweji · 20/11/2015 23:26

What's the situation now?
Do you want to leave? Do you want him to leave?
I suspect you can still report the second event. He's on probation, he did it again, why have you stayed?

summerwinterton · 20/11/2015 23:34

you need to be honest to protect yourself and dc.

Original poster
WhoGivesAFlying · 20/11/2015 23:38

we have a ds, he has two DC, I've seen him not be very nice to them. And I know due to guilt that they come first

OP posts:
Lweji · 20/11/2015 23:41

Come first to who?

What do you mean by not very nice?

Original poster
WhoGivesAFlying · 20/11/2015 23:44

They come first to our ds

OP posts:
AdoraBell · 20/11/2015 23:45

The stress of SS involvement will be worse if you don't report the second assault and leave him.

The assaults will get worse and if your DS tells teachers or nursery staff depending on age then SS will want to know why you haven't safeguarded your child.

You owe it to yourself as well as your DS to get away from this man, he is dangerous. Work with SS and push for supervised contact unless you can block contact.

Original poster
WhoGivesAFlying · 20/11/2015 23:47

I don't want to block contact, I just want to know my ds will be safe

OP posts:
Original poster
WhoGivesAFlying · 20/11/2015 23:51

Ugh, life's shit

OP posts:
Original poster
WhoGivesAFlying · 20/11/2015 23:52

He has two kids? Who my ds loves. How will that work?

OP posts:
goddessofsmallthings · 21/11/2015 00:38

It seems to me that you may be in danger of overthinking and this is preventing from taking the necessary - indeed, the essential - action to safeguard yourself and your ds from further harm..

I'm surprised that SS have countenanced your h living in the same property as you and your ds. What conclusions did SS reach in this matter and do you have any ongoing involvement with them?

If you get on with your sdc's mother there's no reason to suppose that your ds won't be able to see them but if for some reason he's unable to stay in contact with them, at 3yo he'll soon be finding friends his own age at nursery/reception.

Do you rent or are you buying on a mortgage, and whose name(s) is on the tenancy/mortgage agreement? Are you working and could you afford to pay the rent/mortgage alone?

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 21/11/2015 01:53

Your DS is 2. He will quickly get over it if he loses some people from his life.

Redglitter · 21/11/2015 02:13

You've got far more chance of getting supervised visits if you report his latest assault. If it looks like it was a one off and he's complied with his probation he may have more chance of getting unsupervised.

Report this last assault. If you want to ensure your son is safe it makes no sense not to

NerrSnerr · 21/11/2015 05:41

You need to be honest and report everything. It will help ensure your son stays safe which has to be your priority.

Suddenlyseymour · 21/11/2015 10:31

So you've seen him be "not very nice" to his other DC, he's on probation for assaulting you, and has since done it again in front of your DS. You are asking if your DS would be "safe" with him. Strikes me you have the tools to hand to ENSURE your DS's safety (i.e. Report the assault, not reporting it does NOTHING to protect your DS and EVERYTHING to protect your aggressor) and yet you are unwilling to do it? SS are not wanting to remove children from their mothers unless their mothers are demonstrating that they are not safeguarding their DC from a dangerous man.

RiceCrispieTreats · 21/11/2015 10:46

Report everything. And leave him.

Both of those actions will demonstrate to SS that you are taking all the proper action to safeguard your child, and they will therefore do their bit to help you and DS.

Fail to report and fail to leave, and you become part of the problem I'm afraid.

Your DS comes first, and it is in his interest for you to report all assaults, and to leave the aggressor, in order to provide a safe environment for your child.

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