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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

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Original poster

left an abusive relationship

24 replies

walkingalone781 · 18/11/2015 15:06

I left my partner of 5 years on friday as he was very violent to me he was physically abusive almost daily he kicked me ,punched me ,bit me and also emotionaly abused me constantly, I left with my 16 month old son and went to my mothers house but this is just a short term solution as we dont get on and she is very unsupportive.I need to claim benefits but have no id is there any way i can still make a claim??and I also need stuff for me and my son as I left with only the clothes on my back I have nothing for us at all!! Does anyone no what help I would be entitled to as I have never claimed benefits before please can someone advise me I am feeling so low and depressed im also wondering whether I have made the right choice

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makeawish2 · 19/11/2015 07:53

You have made an amazing step in leaving your ex... That must have taken a lot of courage to do..be very proud of yourself. This will be a new start for you and your child.. Please keep strong... You have made the right choice!!!!! Its the practical things that need to be sorted..you can do this xx. I would suggest that you contact woman's aid ..tel 0808 2000 247 or email them via their website.. They will be able to guide you through claiming benefits and housing. Wish you.lots of luck for the future x

Original poster

walkingalone781 · 19/11/2015 09:53

Thanks for the advise I have heard about crisis loans could I get one of thease for baby stuff and clothes for myself

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makeawish2 · 19/11/2015 10:39

Hi..ii don't know how crisis loans work..but def think you should enquire! Just thinking it may be worth asking if you can get paid child benefit weekly..can you claim income support as you have a baby? I would def recommend you ring tax credits if you haven't already to let them know change of circumstances... They will change into your name...be sure to tell them not to put your new address on any correspondence sent to ex's house...there us a clothes thread on here where u can ask for specific clothes for you and baby.. Do consider contacting woman's aid as they will be the best to advise and support you x

makeawish2 · 19/11/2015 10:40

The clothes thread is on the credit crunch section x

makeawish2 · 19/11/2015 10:50

Also you could ask for this thread to be moved to "relationship" section ..you may get more replies?

Original poster

walkingalone781 · 19/11/2015 11:06

How do I get the thread moved x

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makeawish2 · 19/11/2015 11:11

I think just ask mn to move it? Sorry haven't moved one before x

MNHQ

BeccaMumsnet · 19/11/2015 12:58

Hi walkingalone781 - we'll pop this over to relationships now.

tipsytrifle · 19/11/2015 13:36

You're amazing and brave to have left that abusive man. I think you should report his violence and emotional abuse to the police. It might be that they think he should be the one to leave and could persuade him to do so? Or at least remove him so you could get some of your stuff? Others will be on in awhile who know more about this.

In the old days CAB would actually physically fill in the forms (in your presence of course) to claim whatever you're entitled to. Don't know if they still do that.

It might be that if you aren't entitled to have your home back you're pretty much homeless with a baby? Could you present as such to the council? Again, I don't know, but given that your mother isn't supportive or welcoming you might tick a lot of boxes by way of being an emergency/priority case.

Have you spoken to Women's Aid at all? They would have loads of advice and guidance for you!

You're awesome!

Robotgirl · 19/11/2015 14:08

You are incredibly brave, and have 100% done the right thing for you & your child.
For housing advice & benefit advice, present at your local housing office. You will be in priority need as you have a dependant & if you cannot return to your mother, may be able to access emergency housing. They may also have a welfare rights team who can advise you on benefit entitlement & how to get that set up without ID. Have you spoken to the police?
What you have done is amazing & the first & biggest step. Any time you doubt the path you have chosen, just turn around and see how far you've come

hellsbellsmelons · 19/11/2015 14:10

As a PP said please do contact Womens Aid if you haven't already.
They can help with support and legal advice and recommendations.
Also contact CAB and get an appointment with them to get all the info you on claiming benefits and housing and maintenance.

You HAVE absolutely done the right things.
Can you imagine what sort of 'man' your son would grow up to be, being a household like this?? You have saved him from becoming an abuser or being abused. It's a cycle and YOU have put a stop to it.
Well done.

You've been so brave so don't ever think of going back to that. It is NOT normal on any level and you deserve so much better.

When you call Womens Aid, talk to them about attending their Freedom Programme course. This will help you massively with future relationships.

If you are feeling depressed at all then please do go to see your GP for help and support.

Well done and keep going and keep away from the scumbag.

Original poster

walkingalone781 · 19/11/2015 16:20

The cab in Birmingham is a drop in service so will be going tomorrow morning hopefully I can get something sorted im just worried about the I.d situation does anyone no if salvation army give out clothing for free I remember donating to them a few years ago. Is it ok to put a wanted add on the local moms net board for clothing is this allowed

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Original poster

walkingalone781 · 19/11/2015 16:24

I have contacted Birmingham cab and they hold a drop in service so hopefully will be able to sort something out tomorrow jjust worried about the I.d situation I am also going to go to the council tomorrow and see what they say x

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makeawish2 · 19/11/2015 16:50

Good luck tomorrow with the cab and council x. If you go on the clothes thread (in the.money matters thread) where you can ask for items x

Original poster

walkingalone781 · 19/11/2015 17:15

Il have a look on there thanks

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Original poster

walkingalone781 · 19/11/2015 19:34

Im not entitled to a budgeting loan and they dont do crisis loans anymore does anyone no of anythingelse

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Robotgirl · 19/11/2015 21:58

Some councils have a discretionary social fund. Google if Birmingham has one. They might be able to help with funding for clothing / food etc.
You sound like an amazing, brave & proactive person.

tipsytrifle · 19/11/2015 23:02

Have you been to the police to register/log his abuse? I think it highly likely you could have them accompany you to reclaim some stuff in the circumstances. Plus for future contact issues it would be good to have things on record. Did you get through to Women's Aid?

There must be a way to get you money, clothing and a safe place, though at least you have your (not so) delightful mother's home for as long as you can stand it. Grim but do-able if necessary. Anyhow, I'm sure WA would know the up to date stuff for your entitlements, slim though they might turn out to be.

I have no doubt at all that by the New Year you'll be all sorted out on a happier new path, but the next weeks are going to need you to maintain this energetic approach to reclaiming your freedom.

Original poster

walkingalone781 · 20/11/2015 14:41

Hi just an update on my situation I have made a claim for income support and child tax credit regarding the id i have applied for my birth certificate so can use that also contacted the police I never told them the ins and outs just that I needed to get my stuff from old house and I was scared to go alone when I got there all my stuff and ds stuff has gone appeantly to the tip I dont understand how he can do that to our son me yes but not him???why punish him also all my baby photos are gone my scan pictures things I cant get back feel so down only have a baby grow and vest and his nappy bag for my son my ex knew I never had nothing for him cant believe he has been so cruel so all in all a bit of positive news and some negative x

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Jibberjabberjooo · 20/11/2015 15:03

I'm so sorry he has done this. Despite him getting rid of everything which would have him retaliating to you leaving, you have absolutely done the right thing for you and your son. You shouldn't be anyone's punch bag, ever. Well done

Original poster

walkingalone781 · 20/11/2015 16:50

Can anyone please give me the link for Birmingham facebook selling pages for baby items I cant find any

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summerwinterton · 20/11/2015 17:24

the scan pic - did you ever email it to anyone or put in on Facebook or the like? If so can you get copy that way? I am sorry he has been so terrible to you. I am v glad you are away from him. You are so brave.

tipsytrifle · 21/11/2015 08:18

Oh Walking, I'm sorry you've lost your stuff. Amazing how fast he moved to get rid of everything, how quick and keen he was to hurt you. Happily though, it possibly means he absolutely KNOWS that you will cope wonderfully even without any of your stuff.

You truly are awesome! Going to the police, deciding clearly what you were prepared to tell them and getting their help. Not to mention everything else you achieved yesterday. I reckon you should run a training course for reclaiming Freedom and keeping your cool in Bad situations.

I wonder if it would be worth asking at your GP's practice for help regarding clothes. Even allow them to have a quick collection of items for you? Just a thought. Seeing how proactive you are, if anyone can get that rolling it's you!

tipsytrifle · 21/11/2015 08:20

Knowing you will cope without your stuff must be totally infuriating for XP (just thought to clarify what I meant by that)

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