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Original poster

He is still using dating sites.

28 replies

Phoenixx · 15/11/2015 18:37

I have been seeing a guy for the last few months and as far as I was concerned things were going great, we have a great time when we are together and have seen each other every week since we met and I have been sleeping with him. We had a conversation a month ago when I noticed he was still logging on and I said I didn't want to carry on seeing him if he was still keeping his options open so he said he would be happy to take down his profile. My spidey senses were tingling today after I had spent the weekend with him and thought I would check if he had been on, and yes, as I thought it said he had been online today which is a bit of a kick in the teeth to be honest. How on earth do I broach this with him without sounding like a loon :-(

OP posts:
DraenorQueen · 15/11/2015 18:59

How could you possibly sound like a loon? He's the one in the wrong!

Trills · 15/11/2015 19:07

You don't sound like a loon.

What do you want out of this?

Do you want to split up?

Do you want him to say "sorry, I lied, but I'l take it down properly now"?

Do you want him to say "I only logged on to look at the messages we sent when we first met, because I thought it might give me a good idea for a Christmas present"?

Original poster
Phoenixx · 15/11/2015 19:11

All I want is honesty, if he wants to date other people and keep looking then yes I do want to split up. I am not wired to be able to sleep with someone on a regular basis and not have any feelings involved. The messages we exchanged will have been deleted long ago and there is no info on my profile so he can't say he wanted to show a friend who I was. Writing it down like this makes it all look pretty clear, he has been a complete turd.

OP posts:
SagaNorensLeatherTrousers · 15/11/2015 19:13

If you spoke to him about it and he said he'd take it down but didn't then it would give me a major red flag.

ThatsNiceDear · 15/11/2015 19:16

You've given him one chance already. I wouldn't waste any more time on him, find someone you can trust.

ICantThinkOfAUsernameH · 15/11/2015 19:19

What an arsehole Angry especially as you've already had a conversation about it - he's been deliberately sneaky.

printamillion · 15/11/2015 19:22

Could it be possible he was checking up on you?

BaronessSamedi · 15/11/2015 19:22

i wouldn't waste my breath.
he's a liar.
walk away. run, in fact.

Original poster
Phoenixx · 15/11/2015 19:23

God I feel so bloody sad about it, I have been single a few years been on over 50 first dates and he was the only one I had met who I thought was half way to decent. My twat radar needs some serious adjustment.

OP posts:
SagaNorensLeatherTrousers · 15/11/2015 19:40

At least you know now and it isn't months and months into the relationship. As far as your twat radar goes, I am a big believer in gut instinct. The same niggly feeling that made you check if he was still online, keep tapping into that when you meet someone. Flowers

AnyFucker · 15/11/2015 19:52

if you "want honesty" then he is the wrong man for you

ICantThinkOfAUsernameH · 17/11/2015 09:20

All sorted OP?

ILoveNiceGunas · 17/11/2015 09:26

Just end it. U deserve somebody who is certain about u.

Or u deserve to be single. Ie, get your things done, value yourself, put yourself first etc .

PamDooveOrangeJoof · 17/11/2015 11:04

Your test radar is working perfectly! you've realised he's a twat in early stages of dating. That's what dating is, getting to know someone and if they are right for you. He's not because he is a twat.

People don't tend to show they are an arsehole on the first few dates else they'd never get anywhere.
Well done you for spotting it so soon.

Ditch him and onwards and upwards for you.

Original poster
Phoenixx · 17/11/2015 11:27

I am meeting him at the weekend to discuss, I have not told him I saw he was online, I would like to see his his face when I bring it up. He knows full well I am not one to take any sh1t and told him a month or so if he wanted to see what else is out there fine, he lives his life how he wants, but it would be a game over situation from me. I find it all a total head fuck really because I am really open and find it hard to comprehend the shady types, and there are so many of them.

OP posts:
daisychain01 · 17/11/2015 18:16

Phoenixx you have your deal breaker clear in your mind, you want exclusivity and in your situation, I can see where you are coming from. You have given him ample opportunity to sort out where he wants to take the relationship with you.

He has chosen not to value things the way you do.

You sound like you need someone who is likeminded. Fyi DP said to me after 5 weeks (before I had said it to him) "let's de register ourselves from OLD" and we sat at his computer and removed our profiles. We hadn't been on the site since our first date and it drew a line in the sand for us.

I won't say LTB because you may want to suggest a similar de registering moment and see how he reacts. If he hums and haaas maybe it's time to decide your next steps!

AnyFucker · 17/11/2015 19:40

Oh dear

You are not one to take shit ?

Actually that is exactly what you are doing. You told him what would be a deal breaker, he did it, and you are still going to "talk" to him about it ?

That's the best way to make it clear that your threats are completely empty. That's a fair old shit sandwich right there

timelytess · 17/11/2015 20:37

AnyFucker, on this occasion, you are absolutely right.

goddessofsmallthings · 17/11/2015 21:05

You know this man has lied to you but you intend to meet up with him again? Confused

All you're doing is setting yourself up to be talked round by a man who clearly has no respect for your moral standards. Maybe he'll delete his profile in front of your eyes, but there's no shortage of old sites he could sign up to as soon you're out of sight.

If you're seriously determined not to take any shit, you'll no longer give this bullshitter the time of day and it would be prudent to get your sexual health checked out at your nearest GUM clinic before resuming your search for Mr Right - he may have eluded you so far but that's no reason to settle for a second rate liar.

NiceChristmasGuna · 17/11/2015 21:12

I wouldn't bother meeting up with him again either.

A while ago, when I told the first disappointment that there was no way I would ever go for his 'proposal' (ie, sex no relationship) it felt like cutting off the butterflies in my stomach which was very counterintuitive but when I think about it now I feel so much better for having handled myself like I was worth more than he could see.

The second one, I just left at ten pm and said good luck with the women of child bearing age! he didn't quite get it. He said 'so are we going to that pub quiz or next week?'. I can still see the dopey expression on his face 'have I been dumped by a woman nearly my own age/?'

Original poster
Phoenixx · 18/11/2015 18:02

I've dumped him not only was he still on the site we met on he was on two others I knew of too. Twunt.

OP posts:
Epilepsyhelp · 18/11/2015 18:05

Great call, now block him and delete his numbers. There are good ones out there! Flowers WineCake

ICantThinkOfAUsernameH · 18/11/2015 18:08

What an arsehole! As eplilepsyhelp'said block delete and move on!

Original poster
Phoenixx · 18/11/2015 18:29

Thanks Flowers I feel like shit but I'd feel more shit if I stayed with an idiot like that!

OP posts:
daisychain01 · 18/11/2015 18:50

Yay Phoenixx feel crap for about an hour then celebrate getting rid of a utter AH!