Xmas & birthdays for ex h....

[Eey0reandp00bear2]

What do you do about birthdays and Christmas cards/presents for ex h when there are dcs?? For the last two years my ex has bought a card and presents for me, as if we are still together he doesn't mean well and isn't being nice - I left him for good reason, he was a bully and emotionally and physically abusive. I have previously bought a card for the dcs to write but this year I don't feel inclined to, I know that sounds mean but he isn't part of my life anymore, my mum takes dcs out to choose a card for my birthday. Am I being mean? The dcs aren't bothered - I think he has moaned at them suggesting they have forgotten his birthday, but it's not worried them. Any advice appreciated please :)

If they are old enough to go to the shop and buy their own then encourage them to do so. If they are too small for that then have them make one each?

I do think that the dcs should be encouraged to acknowledge their parents birthdays. It is a basic courtesy.

By some arts and crafts stuff and have them make a card. It's what I am doing this Xmas.
Regarding presents, I've told the DC's that I will take them shopping (once) to buy him a joint present for Xmas from their pocket money.
I don't expect the same from him so my best friend is going to take my DC's to buy a little something for me.

If he is still in your children's lives, I think you should buy a card and a token present (box of chocolates?).

Thank you - I am going to get dcs to do something and drop it off in time, one day after school:)

You're kind. It isn't really your responsibility anymore but if nobody is willing to take on that responsibility from his side then for your children rather than him I'd get a card or get them to make one.

As for a present - no. I personally wouldn't unless the children are old enough to pay for one (and want to)

I send the dc into poundland with a pound each to choose things for dh not his only presents . They enjoy choosing and it is funny seeing their choices. Would that be a compromise?

I am going to ask dcs what they would like to do:) there is a pound land nearby!

XH and I got around this by buying ourselves gifts for the DC to give us Now they are sodding great teens they can cough up and organise it themselves.