Feeling lonely

[Lonelyasfuck]

Hi,

I posted in relationships at the beginning of 2014 for the first time. I have NC.

Backstory-

DH of 16yrs out of the total blue told me we were no more at Christmas '13. No warning, no clues. He leaves me and our 2 heartbroken DC to stay with MIL. No explanation other than love you no longer. At this point I posted on MN and you gave me a wealth of support and advice to which I thank you! But you all yelled there's OW! I fell apart spectacularly my weight plummeted. Six months later DH fell desperately unwell, we nearly lost him. There was no OW I can be sure. The illness may (the big may) have been the trigger (neuro). At least it made him think and he realised his place was with us....

So things have been as good as they could be... Recovering from life changing illness. We get on well. But... I feel he only came back to me because he had too, not because he loves me. He is generally lovely too me but things are a bit one sided. Feel very lonely x

You're not alone

I really (really, really) need to get to bed soon, so I might not read your reply before the morning, in which case I'm wondering how you feel in the morning. The night time can feel very lonely.

Thanks Maple . I've been keeping my chin up for the last 18months but all of a sudden feeling particularly low.

It's the never understanding/knowing why it happened In the first place. I can hand on heart tell you there was nothing wrong in our relationship. I didn't deserve the heartache. I now feel like I'm looking over my shoulder, I'm not pretty enough etc etc and I also know that's pathetic and not true! Confidence crisis!

The DC are back to normal and happy which is the most important thing to me and we are more or less back to what normal was but.... hard as it is to say feel I'm not really loved

It's ok to want something different.

What things could your DH do that would make you feel loved? Perhaps you actually need to tell him. He may feel a bit wary of you/showing his feelings given how much hurt he has caused so paradoxically is not as open as he needs to be. In an ideal world he would be down on his knees thanking you and telling and showing you how much he loves you but people can act really perversly in these situations.

Or is it nothing he could do in particular but a feeling inside you that something indefinable has been broken/lost and cannot be regained ?

I think in these situations it will always have you thinking. Even if he suddenly started declaring undying love every day you would still probably doubt him.

He may have only come back because of the illness but as he will never admit that, you will never know for sure.

Have you lost some love for him and are with him now out of pity and to keep your kids happy?