Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Left dangling

17 replies

Goingbacktomyroots · 05/11/2015 15:16

Do you need closure at the end of a relationship or can you just let it die a death?

Its been three weeks since I've heard from a man I have been seeing for over three years. Normally my phone would be pinging day and night. I think it's right for the relationship to be over but the silence is killing me.

I know the advice on here is always non-contact/ignore but I feel like I need some kind of closure on it. Shall I contact him and say goodbye or push him to end it or carry on with the silence until I have adjusted to it? I keep changing my mind but it's hard.

OP posts:
ALaughAMinute · 05/11/2015 15:24

You say you think it's right that the relationship is over so why bother contacting him? What do you want to say? What are you hoping to achieve by contacting him?

cailindana · 05/11/2015 15:24

What would be the point in contacting him? How would it give you closure?

summerwinterton · 05/11/2015 15:25

No - block him and move on. Make sure you can't see him on any social media too and make your own profile online secure as possible. Closure? Well isn't that just an excuse to drag stuff up again?

Leeza2 · 05/11/2015 15:29

What do you mean by closure ? You said that it's right for it to be over. Do you want a post mortem? Do you want to be the one that ends it and not him ?

Original poster
Goingbacktomyroots · 05/11/2015 15:32

Yes I know you're all right. I don't want it to start all over. I don't need to know why he hasn't contacted me. I just need finality to help me move on.

I think I will just keep going through the pain barrier.

OP posts:
Leeza2 · 05/11/2015 15:34

You want HIM to give you finality by telling you it's over ? Rather than you just deciding yourself ?

Iflyaway · 05/11/2015 15:35

Well, he's a shit if after a 3-year relationship he's bailed out without even letting you know why. coward

Be thankful though it's not 10 years down the line with a couple of kids, the proverbial going out for a packet of fags and never heard from again.

Think of it as a lucky escape!

Onwards and upwards, eh?!

Original poster
Goingbacktomyroots · 05/11/2015 15:35

I kind of do. It's easier.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 05/11/2015 15:37

So after a few years he just cut contact with no ending it? Confused I wouldn't be having that, I would want closure, I don't believe there is many who wouldn't.

Original poster
Goingbacktomyroots · 05/11/2015 15:37

Exactly iflyaway he is a coward. He should have the balls to end it,

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 05/11/2015 15:48

I think you have ended it OP. YOu've decided. There's your closure

You should go NC. That's the best way to get over it. I do know how hard that is though and you have my sympathies Thanks

FredaMayor · 05/11/2015 16:06

You were addicted to contact from him, and now that's stopped you are feeling withdrawal and lack of control. Continuing NC is better for you, OP, call it cold turkey but its better for both of you.

Original poster
Goingbacktomyroots · 05/11/2015 16:13

Thanks for your comments, they're really helping.

OP posts:
Leeza2 · 05/11/2015 17:33

I'm confused as to what closure is . Is it just having someone give you a reason

Eg it's not working out for me, we're finished
It's not you its me
We want different things in life
I don't want to be tied down
I need time to be on my own / single
I'm not happy in our relationship
I think I'm depressed
You are too demanding

So once you have an official reason , that's closure ?

Because if so, I think it's a lot of bollocks. Mum is full of women who were told that , then a few weeks later discovered that he was shagging someone else. So surely the only truthful " reason " is that someone doesn't want to be with you anymore ?

The " reasons " that people give are not usually about " closure " . They are about saying whatever they can to make you go away as easily as possible .

Original poster
Goingbacktomyroots · 05/11/2015 18:25

That's a good point, leeza, whatever the reason it means I don't want to see you any more.

I can take that. I don't want to analyse it.

Closure for me is, its over, goodbye, I wish you well, or something, and don't contact each other again.

What I don't want is to hear from him when he's horny on a whim in a few weeks and we're back where we started.

OP posts:
Suddenlyseymour · 05/11/2015 18:29

Therefore in order to feel in control, block him, so he can't try to reel you back in whenever he decides he has the horn....i've been in this situation. It took me AGES to block him as i think deep down, part of me knew, and did want to hear from him again, I couldn't disengage from the dance. Once i did, boy do i feel better. Less at his mercy kind of thing. A good feeling!

Iflyaway · 05/11/2015 20:39

You don't have to be back "where you started" "when he's a fuckwit horny.

You know, we women can be a lot more powerful than that and say, hey! Over. No more of that bullshit-

Because if we don't we only have ourselves to blame....

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread