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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Feeling like a idiot :-(

14 replies

Kellyxxxx14 · 22/10/2015 15:12

I don't trust very easily.
I met a guy and we became close.
Spoke and got to know one another for a few months.
I fell for him and I actually thought he had too.
We got on so well and he confided in me.
Thought at last I had met the one.
Spent the weekend together and it was amazing we got on so well.
We talked about what we wanted in the future,he asked about kids and what type of man I wanted.
We spent hours in bed talking and laughing and he opened up about his best mate who died in the army.
Then afterwards he didn't contact me.
That was it he was gone.
He text me saying "sorry that shouldn't of happened"
I text back saying " what ? What did I do wrong "
He replied " I can't leave my kids"
At this point I'm shocked because I knew he had kids but thought he was divorced.
I'm going for angry to sad and confused.
Why he did this is beyond me.
I text him saying "wtf" and he replied " what are you trying to do to me"
That was it he was gone.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kellyxxxx14 · 22/10/2015 15:17

This man has really affected my depression and brought it all back.
Not sure where to turn too.

OP posts:
mysteryknickers · 22/10/2015 15:29

Sorry this has happened to you OP. It's him, not you.

Did he say he was divorced or separated or did he hint/be vague about the situation?
Have you been to his house?

All that is besides the point any point. He is a timewaster and a chancer. Take a day to be angry/sad and then try to forget him.

Can you get support from a friend?

Original poster
Kellyxxxx14 · 22/10/2015 15:35

He said he had kids from a previous relationship but we never spoke about it.
We waited about 5 months before sex so I assumed that wasn't all he wanted.
No never went to his house he just came to mine.

OP posts:
mysteryknickers · 22/10/2015 15:46

Sounds like he enjoyed the chase. Did you meet online by any chance? I think there are a lot of men out there doing exactly what this guy has done.

Did you meet any of his friends? You don't have to answer by the way. I'm just wondering how he thought he was going to get away with it.

When my DP and I had been dating for a month or so, he invited me to his house (middle of the day) so I could see he was telling the truth about being single. to be honest I believed him anyway but I appreciated the gesture.

Original poster
Kellyxxxx14 · 22/10/2015 15:50

I used to go to school with him but he joined the army and was based down South and after he left army he stayed down there.

He works up here Thursday to Monday then goes back down south the rest of the days.
Told me he had kids with a girl he was in army with but never really spoke about it.
He was on my Facebook till we started seeing each other then deleted me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kellyxxxx14 · 22/10/2015 15:50

We never spoke in school but I knew who he was.
Forgot all about him till I got a random message from him.

OP posts:
Jan45 · 22/10/2015 15:54

So he is married, he's not the only one sadly that does that kind of thing, it's really deplorable that someone can be so deceitful but they are and do.

I'm sure he liked you a lot, he's just not willing to be a grown up.

Original poster
Kellyxxxx14 · 22/10/2015 15:55

I think after we slept together he got scared I would say something it I knew the truth.
Would love him to text me again so I could tell him what I think of him then again is it even worth it.

OP posts:
mysteryknickers · 22/10/2015 15:56

He was on my Facebook till we started seeing each other then deleted me.

What? that is weird. And it sounds like he was living a double life.

Please forget him. I've never been on the website Baggage Reclaim but I think it might be helpful for you.

Original poster
Kellyxxxx14 · 22/10/2015 16:00

Almost like he forgot about his other life.
Very strange.

OP posts:
ILiveAtTheBeach · 22/10/2015 16:00

Bit odd that he deleted you on FB, once you started seeing each other. That was obviously so that you couldn't contact his wife/see any photo's of them together/pry into his real life. Didn't you ask him why he did that?

He's been a chancer I'm afraid. Altho, I'm not sure why he wouldn't have carried on for the sex. Perhaps it's pricked his conscience (excuse the pun). In any case, you're better off out of it, before you get any more emotionally invested.

But just to fuck him up, I'd be tempted to text this:

"Hi X. Not sure I understand what's happened here? But let's not text about it, it's much better to talk. I'm in your area next week with work, so I'll pop in for 5 mins. You don't need to text me the address, I've already got it. See u soon"

lorelei9 · 22/10/2015 16:46

IliveattheBeach - brilliant!

Kelly - sorry this happened. Incredibly common, these people are skilled at hiding their lives. If it makes you feel better, about 5 years ago I met a man through work who thought I'd be keen to date him in spite of him being married Confused

he originally told me they were "separating" so I said "let me know when you've actually done that". Guess what? 5 years later, they still haven't. And he continues to be beyond delighted when he bumps into me at things and asks me out yet again. It's bizarre. And he keeps asking! Confused Happily I've changed roles so I don't have to that much client social stuff but it just throws me every time...in fact last time, I said to him "is my memory wrong or has it been 5 years?"

And he said "yes, about that, I'm convinced you'll say yes eventually". Go figure.

Original poster
Kellyxxxx14 · 22/10/2015 16:52

These men are crazy.
I don't understand them.
You know when you actually believe they have feelings for you.
It's worse because it wasn't in my head he actually said it.
Pffft

OP posts:
Supermanspants · 22/10/2015 17:12

Oh FFS. You again. Reported.

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