I'm so gutted.

[confusedalways]

I found out this morning via fb that the guy I've been seeing on and off for 4 years has had a baby. It's completely took me by surprise and tbh made me so gutted.

We've been texting loads as normal talking about doing something in October and he's not mentioned this once! I think I've always thought one day we'd end up together properly as have my friends. I feel sick from knowing he's had a baby. I text him this morning to question it but haven't had a reply. I'm just so upset.

Wow, what an awful way to find out. You must be so shocked. Are you 'on' or 'off' at the moment? Is the mother someone he has also been on/off with? Could it be that he's only just found out himself or do you get the impression that he has been keeping it from you deliberately?

I suppose the grey areas with a relationship like this will always leave room for something unexpected to happen, but this is such a major thing for him to not even have mentioned to you.

That must be a real shock.

It sounds like you tolerated the "on and off" quality of the relationship in the hopes that he would one day choose to commit to you? Sadly, "on and off" is a big clue that someone doesn't wish to commit to you, and the fact that he had a baby with someone else is further confirmation of that.

Since you can't make him want to commit to you, the only thing you can do is choose whether to keep hanging on for more non-commitment from this man, or walk away and lead your own life on your own terms.

Right now, as you've just had a shock and a revelation about his true nature, I'd really recommend that you step away from the phone, and stop seeking answers from him (What could he possibly say that would make this better? That he loves you best of all? He's no prize if he can be so duplicitous.) And just really take good care of yourself: do something you love, exercise if you can, take a long walk, eat well, phone a very good and trusted friend instead each time you are tempted to phone him...

Well the plan to meet in a few weeks made me think we were on somewhat I suppose.
He replied to say he'd rather announce things face to face which is why he didn't tell me. And that it was unexpected.
I've just been for a long run which kind of helped. My best friend is away atm so I can't even talk to her. Also she's moving to New Zealand after Christmas. Feeling so shitty atm.