Marriage Breakup - Where do i go & who can help?

[Clare1406]

Hi all....Unfortunately my marriage has broken down & at this point I need to move out. I am heartbroken it has come to this, but due to excessive drinking from husband & various antics putting himself, myself & my son in danger all my love has just gone. My son hates when he has a drink & does not trust him. My family do not come to see me anymore & he very rarely gets asked out for a sociable drink as it always seems to be a race as to how much he can drink. He has always been a drinker but since being diagnosed with Trigeminal Neuralgia binge drinking has taken over. I have been sympathetic & supportive, but after each incident he promises it won't happen again, it invariably does.I work 32hrs a week & my take home pay is £260 a week. A 2 bedroom house on average is around £650 per month in my area, this is unfurnished & without bills. There is no way I can afford this without help, but feel guilty at the thought of having to go to the council to ask. I have a 14yr old son & a scatty border collie to house. Any advice would be greatly appreciated :-((

Have you sought legal advice as yet re your situation?. If not I would do so asap.

I take it as read he has already refused to leave the family home.

It may also be helpful for your son to speak to Alateen which is specifically for young people who are affected by another person's problem drinking. You could also contact Al-anon as well.

You will get help from the government as you are now a single parent with an under 16. Go to your nearest benefits office and they will tell you what you're entitled to.

No, no legal advice taken at all. I have just buried my head.
Last night he said 'would I like him to move out? But in a previous argument over all of this his words were' We'll sell the house but you're not having half as you've put fuck all in to it! Completely deflated me. My little salary buys all the food, pays for my sons bus to school & anything he needs, my car, the dog, sky tv....I know this means nothing but all the same I just want to walk away. His other words are, 'if you don't like it go to your parents!
He refuses to acknowledge he has a drink problem. He would drink 2-3 cans of cider a night, then at weekends 2-3 cases of it & a bottle of rum. I know it doesn't sound much but with the tablets he's on its not good.
I need to do what's right for me & my son now, so contacting Al-anon would not b beneficial for me as I he doesn't think there's a problem.

"Last night he said 'would I like him to move out?"

How did you respond?.

"But in a previous argument over all of this his words were' We'll sell the house but you're not having half as you've put fuck all in to it!"

Well actually as you are married this argument of his is a spurious one and designed simply to put you on the back foot. He is not above the law as he will soon discover. I think seeking legal advice asap is a given; you cannot afford to bury your head in the sand any longer.

Al-anon would be beneficial for you as it could help you; you are being affected profoundly (as is your son) by his drinking problem. Alcoholics rarely if ever admit they have a problem; they are experts in denial after all.

In response to him asking about moving out I just said 'why would you do that when you've stated all along that this is your house!
I wanted to say yes of course, but feeling guilty about the house he's always paid for!!! The whole situation fills me with dread....
Thank you AttilaTheMeerkat.

You're welcome.

Seek legal advice asap; knowledge after all is power.

The whole situation going forward may fill you with dread but actually you are in a pretty dreadful situation now with not only you being affected as well.