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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Help... Make or break weekend

18 replies

Dothetwist · 30/08/2015 10:39

I need some advice.

Dh and i have a an issue around sex. In the case that we haven't for over 3 years now

It's the only thing we have ever argued over, we have come away for a weekend the only one we've ever had on our own.

I bought a little nightdress thingy with the thought i would maks some effort to try move things on. Except the problem is i had mouth surgery a few weeks back, it's not healed very well and yesterday when we kissed it really hurt my mouth..

How do i explain this to DH without it sounding like another excuse? I think he will hate me.

OP posts:

Joysmum · 30/08/2015 10:42

Ask him for ideas about what you can both do without putting to much strain on your mouth. You can still do plenty of touching so it doesn't have to put a stop to everything.

magoria · 30/08/2015 10:43

I assume he knows you had surgery? Tell him and get him to kiss you elsewhere and everywhere.

If you like them and are happy to at the end of the weekend give him an iou for a bj to be redeemed once you are well.

If he gets arsey and says you are making excuses after surgery he is an arse and you gave bigger problems.

Original poster

Dothetwist · 30/08/2015 10:55

We never actually talk about it either..

Do you think i should explain that i can't do anything? Or just leave it?

OP posts:

QuiteLikely5 · 30/08/2015 10:56

Which one of you resists having sex?

Original poster

Dothetwist · 30/08/2015 11:03

quite me

OP posts:

ShebaShimmyShake · 30/08/2015 11:12

Well, dothetwist, do you know why? What is it that puts you off?

LadyStark · 30/08/2015 11:13

It's not necessarily the most romantic but you can have sex without kissing!

How about reading some erotic fiction/blogs (instead of the very unsexy Mumsnet ) to get you in the mood and then suggest a quickie just before you are due to leave for lunch or similar? It will take the pressure off a bit as you know you are about to head out and doesn't make it a big 'thing'.

WickedWax · 30/08/2015 11:15

It doesn't need to be an excuse, but it sounds like you're trying to make it an excuse.

It's not the case that you "can't do anything".

Seems there are issues that a 'make or break' weekend isn't going to solve.

GloriaHotcakes · 30/08/2015 11:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Costacoffeeplease · 30/08/2015 11:24

I don't understand why a sore mouth means you can't have sex? Is it an excuse?

TheStoic · 30/08/2015 11:25

Why have you not had sex for 3 years, OP?

It sounds like you're both creating a lot of pressure around this weekend, which is not much of an aphrodisiac.

lunar1 · 30/08/2015 11:28

It sounds like you don't want to. Who decided this was make or break?

category12 · 30/08/2015 11:29

OK, pressure of weekend away, you had good intentions, but you don't really want to... It's not been the magic pill for what ails you. Do you know why you haven't wanted sex for the last 3 years?

DadWasHere · 30/08/2015 12:12

OP, for a three month drought the internet could give advice but for over a year, let alone three, that should be directed to professional counselling. Dirty weekends away are great but make or break weekends are the polar opposite.

whattodohatethis · 30/08/2015 18:08

Being unable to kiss doesn't mean you aren't able to do anything?
Do you want to have sex?

pocketsaviour · 30/08/2015 18:14

It does sound like you are looking for a reason/excuse not to have sex, which of course a sore mouth isn't as there are plenty of things you can do without your mouth being involved.

Do you ever talk together about sex/the lack of it?

BolshierAyraStark · 30/08/2015 19:06

There are clearly more problems here than a painful mouth... I seriously doubt anything we suggest is going to help in the here & now unfortunately.
3 years is a long time, why do you not want sex? Have you considered therapy to address the reasons? If not I really think you should, getting back in the saddle will not be an instant thing I think.

KetchupIsNearlyAVegetable · 31/08/2015 10:24

Why don't you want to have sex? Is it not enjoyable?

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