After the first date

[Sazzle41]

Couldnt find separate dating thread (T'internet challenged at best of times so apols if i missed it.)

I am very shy and rubbish at reading people. I had a first OLD date.. at first i thought he was really not interested. But he warmed up after 2nd drink and then took me for meal (unplanned). He got very flirty, said i looked good and kissed me twice, the third time i pulled away because where i come from snogging that much in a posh bar/grill type place would be frowned on. (told him that, he laughed). Anyway, outside,he gave me last kiss then hasn.t called.

I am kind of disappointed even tho my first thought at the tube station was someone like you is going to want eye candy,not a normal woman like me. He was lacking on the conversation front for me too but I put that down to prob not being as confident as he pretended. I cant figure out why i feel so down. I suppose its rejection. I am trying to tell myself that i have met that type before & it never lasts. (bit flash, lots of £, cocky = short attention span IME. Not great if you lack confidence to start with like i do). Then again, if he is such a catch its odd he is OLD, London is swimming with younger women who'd erm ... y'know, be interested/more his type.

Well exactly, sweetshop mentality, he has all of London at his feet. Why would you even want him to call if conversation is lacking? If you thought he wanted eye candy, rather than a normal woman, might you not be being a bit hypocritical, in that you you found him very attractive but dull?

I don't really get if you thought you were punching above your weight, as you seem to be, if you thought him much more attractive than you, why you would be confused. Maybe concentrate on getting to know bloke better before meeting?

Also don't put things down to things if that makes sense! He wasn't interested, take behaviours at face value, rejection is tough in old, but gets easier. You realise that it's not fatal and move on, also a lot of men who are not really interested, will still try for a shag, so be aware.

He was much better looking in person so my heart sank a bit as yes i felt oh dear I am not his type. No I didnt think him dull, just probably not as confident as he appeared. He was lot better by drink 3 so i figured nerves, like me. I dont think i am in right place for dating , its too much pressure : I dont feel attractive or interesting at the moment, i feel a bit like i need a hug and a friend more than a partner. Plus guy i work with keeps telling me not to get used to being on my own as he thinks its not good for you. (I told him i kind of felt used to it now/its ok to me, not ideal but ok).

Not everyone going like you, don't feel put off by dating just because one guy didn't get in touch with you. I had guys not contact me after the first date, even the third date in one case! to me it was more of an ego bruise even though I wouldn't have gone out with them again anyway, I still wanted to be asked

Don't give up, this is pretty normal in online dating. There are going be men who like you but you don't feel that connection with, its swings and roundabouts.

to me it just sounds that he wanted someone much more ..erm easy-going, and you came across as too 'proper' to him, with your comments about kissing in a bar - while he already trying to kiss you during the date and maybe he is like that, just wants to shag around.
Nothing personal at all - he must have found you attractive if he kissed you three times, he is just not after long chase let alone a relationship.

I agree with beagle - great name by the way, my beagle is such an adorable little boy.

To kiss like that in a bar/restaurant, he was testing the water. He wanted more. A lot of men use online dating because it's an easy shag, regardless of how many girls there may be roaming around London.

It enables them to speak to somebody beforehand, saving them some leg work on the night as opposed to meeting somebody in a bar and trying to woo them in one go.

You missed out on being his 'pump and dump'

.. so you haven't really missed out on anything!

ShitHappens, aw I'm envious! I actually wanted to extend my username as 'but beagles puppies are just totally heart-melting!' but yeah you have to keep it short and less sentimental haha!

Exactly what VaviaVive said.

You would have felt worse if you'd shagged him anyway. He does sound like a bit of a dick

Here's some just for you

"Couldn't find a separate dating thread"

It's here: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2427739-Step-inside-its-the-Dating-Thread-92

I am considering dipping my toes into OLD, but am still wimping out.

thanks SH - so want to see it but the photo doesn't show on my comouter! do you know what to do? or can you post/PM me a clickable link?

Ah, maybe it's because I'm posting a picture that's saved on my phone rather than a web link. I'm so, so bad at working out how to use this website to send messages! I'll try to work it out

In the meantime, follow Beagles in Bed on Facebook. It gives me all of the happiness in the world!

He just wanted an easy lay. Thankfully, you did not fall for it.

Well u wasn't brought up very posh and I don't randomly snog my dates in bars. I think once your a teenager no more that goes out the window. The two men I've been dating online one I've had a snogging session with on the first date and then a small snog on the second date. (same man) he did try to kiss me when we were out as well but I made that into a quick kiss not a snog as I don't like pda like that. The other one gave me a kiss goodbye and a hug whilst we were out. That felt more appropriate. (how boring am I!)