Fed up of being the bad parent

[Rainicorn]

Just a rant really, and some sympathy.

Tonight is a classic example. DS1 (12) has asked if he can have a FB account as all of his friends have them.

I have said no, I said no last month and the month before ad infinitum. I have always said he can have one when he is 13, the age that FB states. DH said he can't see why he can't have one and now, yet again, I look like the bad person and DH looks like the cool parent. DS1 is in a mood with me.

He does the same with Xbox games. I refuse to buy 18 games, DH can't see the problem, although as yet to buy them.

I am fed up of this, we don't work as a parenting team when it comes to DS1, he always does the fun stuff with him, I usually deal with the discipline and the backchat for it.

I blame his upbringing, baby of the family, always got his own way, huge age difference between his siblings and himself so they'd buy him things his parents wouldn't etc. I on the other hand had a strict upbringing, middle child having to look after my sister.

Compromise could be if you set up FB with him, using your own email account, then you get daily status of friend requests etc via email.

You set the password, so he can only log in and chat while sitting with you on sofa. So you have 99%+ control, and he gets to be same as his pals before going back to school.

He may get bored with FB pretty quick, and in meantime you are a great parent with a happy son. Where's the harm in compromise?

I am thinking about it, I do feel that Ive been pushed to it rather than coming to it in my own time.

I just wish he would discuss these things with me when DS1 isn't within earshot.

It is definitely due to upbringing.

I had a very strict upbringing whereas DH (as one of six) was left pretty much to his own devices. Thus I'm the authority and he's the fun.

It drives me mental. DS is only 18months and im already telling both of them off for jumping on the bed/sofa/dog. DS cries and turns to DH for cuddles; I'm the bad guy and he's the hero. Won't be so fecking funny when we need to buy a new sofa/DS breaks arm/DS decides to try rocket launch himself without supervision.

You are 100% right about Facebook and holding off until he is 13 and your DH's behaviour, while not intentionally malicious, is undermining-unless you both get on the same page you're in for a bumpy teenage ride where your DS Pitts you off against one another!

Can you sit down with your DH once DS is in bed and explain how you feel about having the "dictator" role thrust upon you? I get that he genuinely doesn't understand what the big deal is (my DH words) but we have a rule that if one of us feels particularly strongly about a specific issue then the other will back them up even if they don't really see the big deal. I can guarantee that your DH has no strong feelings towards FB or the games so he really should be supporting you as you clearly do.

It's so hard when you have very different parenting styles.

You both need to compromise. It sounds like neither of you listen to each other. He doesn't respect your opinions, but you don't respect his either.

You must sit down and talk about this with your DH. If he won't listen and compromise then it's a serious issue - having your partner working against you as a parent is awful and does cause huge problems. DH and I have an absolute policy of supporting each other while in earshot of the kids even if we don't agree and then discussing it later to reach a consensus.