Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

Dsis has shown herself to be small minded re me being divorced

23 replies

mojo17 · 12/08/2015 22:32

I was face timing older sis yesterday and just mentioned I met boyfriends brother and I thought he was a very nice man.
My sis then said " hey don't get any ideas, stick with boyfriend"
Background and context is I have 3 had yes three partners in my life, my first boyfriend then one I lived with then my exh I am now going back out with my first boyfriend (:-) and my sis has had the one husband
She is only eight years older than me AIBU to think this was insulting and patronising
I have told her about the small mindedness attitude of this small town I live in towards divorced single women like me so she knows how unreasonable that is and then she says that!
She has now gone down in my estimation and I am now trying to process that.

OP posts:

Cabrinha · 12/08/2015 22:36

There is either one hell of a back story here or this is one of the biggest over sensitive over reactions I've ever seen on here!

Is there a back story?
It's just a JOKE! A throw away line.

Luckyfellow · 12/08/2015 22:36

I suppose a lot is lost without the tone of her voice but it just sounds like a joke that didn't work to me. Can you be sure she meant anything by it?

Cabrinha · 12/08/2015 22:40

I'm struggling with the attitude of small mindedness of a whole small town towards divorced single women too, tbh.

Are you not in the UK?

I live in a small village, and not only am I not the only divorcee but also (a) most people don't know ok divorced and (b) most people don't care

tribpot · 12/08/2015 22:40

I agree with Cabrinha, based on what you've written here you are having a staggering over-reaction. You say so-and-so is nice and your sister reminds you you have a boyfriend. The end.

Have you thought about moving away from SmallMindedVille, though - if people really are making comments about divorced women? it sounds like something out of a 1950s farce, the Divorcee with her Predatory Ways. You would be wearing a chiffon outfit with batwing sleeves and probably rather too much makeup for daytime. I suspect you might smoke cigarettes in a long holder. In fact now I think you should do all those things and not give a toss what anyone says about it!

Cabrinha · 12/08/2015 22:44

Come to think of it, my sister is 5 years older than me. I have a new boyfriend. My ex boyfriend came round to do some work for me - he's a builder. My sister said "no shagging him, mind". I sniggered and said "ooooooh, to have both whenever I wanted". That's what sisters are for - people to giggle with about behaving inappropriately in a way you'd never actually do

Original poster

mojo17 · 12/08/2015 22:46

Haha I like you tribpot you have nailed me yes I do in fact waft about with the irresistible perfume of vamp to especially entice married men to leave their wives every opportunity I get.
The tone was serious and she meant it which came as a surprise unfortunately :-(

OP posts:

Cabrinha · 12/08/2015 22:56

If it came as a surprise, that means no back story. Which means you could be wrong.
Even if it is a serious warning - why does it upset you? Why isn't it written off immediately by you saying "oh god no - I'm only interested in BF!"
Why has this got your goat if she doesn't have form for it?

tribpot · 12/08/2015 22:57

Yes, you would need a very heavy perfume as well, and probably have one too many buttons undone on your blouse.

So the problem was the comment was deadly serious, your sister thought you were planning to leave your boyfriend for his brother? Well, what if you were? Rather a complicated situation admittedly but the Predatory Divorcee is well used to such things.

I think I would point out to her, half-joking 'you do realise I'm allowed to mention other men without this meaning I'm about to run off with them? He's my boyfriend's brother for crying out loud'.

Original poster

mojo17 · 12/08/2015 23:17

My response was "what the hell are you on about!" And she backtracked but I'm fed up of appearing whiter than white here without having to do the same with sis
It just shows how old fashioned her thinking is and I was upset at her thinking like that about me, that's all
Oh well it's that time of night I need to hang about the pub to snare my next victims

OP posts:

tribpot · 12/08/2015 23:20

Well, really the only other recourse for a single woman in your circs is to be considering holy orders. So you could start talking about the bf's brother in the most spiritual terms possible.

Cabrinha · 12/08/2015 23:23

How are you having to appear whiter than white?
Are you sure you're not over sensitive about being divorced?
It's never even occurred to me that anyone in my village will think anything of it. We're not alone! It's not the 80s with one divorcee as the only divorcee in the village!

HeyDuggee · 12/08/2015 23:26

Maybe she backtracked because you can't tell she was joking. In your posts, you come across as a cliche looking down at her with a perceived ooo look how cosmopolitan I am with my views now that I escaped the village mentality...if you added you were a writing your first novel, we'd have a Lifetime movie of the the week.

Original poster

mojo17 · 12/08/2015 23:26

Haha trib holy orders before or after last orders

OP posts:

Cabrinha · 13/08/2015 06:13

HeyDuggee don't bother - mojo17 is only interested in joking with tribpot, she has no interest in thinking about whether she has totally over reacted

daisydukes229 · 13/08/2015 06:37

You're making mountains out of molehills

It was a joke, get over it

MakeItACider · 13/08/2015 08:09

Joking? Why are you all so certain her DSis was joking? None of you heard the tone of tbe conversation, or of that particular comment, or know whether tge DSis is even the joking sort yet you're all so adamant that it was a joke!

I agree that from lots of people it would be a joke, if it came from my friend, it would be. But MY sister would never joke about things like that so if that sort of comment passed her lips i would jnow that she wasn't joking

AuntyMag10 · 13/08/2015 08:36

You sound very oversensitive to what sounds like a joke! Seems like you are insecure as well and taking her joke as an insult.

Original poster

mojo17 · 13/08/2015 08:42

I can assure you that the tone was serious and it was not a joke and that is why it upset me that she would think that about me.
She is a bit prim I suppose but I thought she knew me, but obviously not.
I have not overreacted with her I just had a little rant on here about small mindedness, as I have faced that before and didn't expect it from her and yes it was good to actually turn it into a little laugh with trib
Thanks for that

OP posts:

coolaschmoola · 13/08/2015 08:48

It sounds like YOU have the issue with your divorce... You speak a lot about small town mentality, issues with divorcees, HAVING to be whiter than white etc.

I get the feeling that you are very sensitive to what you see as a stigma and have projected that onto a fairly innocuous conversation.

You need to deal with why YOU feel being divorced or having a number of previous partners is an issue at all (you clearly do otherwise why make such a big deal of explaining how many you've had).

coolaschmoola · 13/08/2015 08:49

Oh and btw, you don't have to be anything, not even whiter than white...

NotInVenezualaNowDrRopata · 13/08/2015 08:52

Move house.

NotInVenezualaNowDrRopata · 13/08/2015 08:52

(And uninstall Facetime)

Charis1 · 13/08/2015 09:07

grow up?

Flip