Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

No sex aibu?

20 replies

Londonmummy01 · 08/08/2015 17:41

I'm not a regular poster on mn but I'm always reading posts and wanted some kind honest opinion.
About 7 weeks ago I got a uti (too much shagging) and need 2 courses of antibiotics which then gave me thrush - sorry tmi. But you can imagine I was very uncomfortable downstairs at this time and there was no action. Anyhow the shagging resulted bfp ð??? which very quickly turn into morning (noon and night) sickness so again the bedroom activity was not my main concern. Sadly I bled and m/c soon after ( 2 weeks ago) and have yet got back to things. We had a row last night about some other house stuff and he brings up that we haven't had any sex blah blah and I was so upset that he was so insensitive to all that has happened.
Aibu or should I have just got back into action despite my ailments? Feel so crap and confused that he could only think of his own needs or is it me that's doing that??

OP posts:

theconstantvacuumer · 08/08/2015 17:49

Tell him to go and wank in a sock. He sounds like an insensitive arsehole.

takenlikeafool · 08/08/2015 18:12

Not unreasonable at all - put bluntly, surely if you're feeling crap you wouldn't be at your most confident anyway?!

Hold your ground and tell him he can wait a couple more weeks until everything is cleared up. It's just going to get worse otherwise.

nozzz · 08/08/2015 18:26

Yeah, that just horrible to say that in the circumstances. I hope your partner is very sorry.

TokenGinger · 08/08/2015 18:29

How insensitive of your partner. No, you're not being unreasonable. He is. UTIs are bad enough. Thrush isn't pleasant. And a miscarriage is just absolutely terrible.

You poor thing. Hope you're ok

Reubs15 · 08/08/2015 18:44

Sorry you've been through all this.
He's really insensitive and to be honest (I don't want this to upset you) I would take this as a huge red flag and run for the hills xx

Original poster

Londonmummy01 · 08/08/2015 19:14

Yes reubs I'm feeling that I should run. This just adds to a whole host of other problems. He's now just told me he doesn't understand why I'm still cross and perhaps I should speak to one of my guy friends to get their opinion as they would tell me it's unreasonable to not have had a any sex in this time. He's such a pig!

OP posts:

Goldiesox · 08/08/2015 19:29

You poor love. What an arse! I've had 4 MCs and I couldn't imagine how I'd feel if my DP said that! I'd sack the dickhead.

Zeitgeistic · 08/08/2015 19:33

Gosh no YANBU. You poor love. Your DP sounds like a fucking insensitive twat. Do you want to stay with him?

seanbonbon · 08/08/2015 19:41

Two weeks is no time at all after a miscarriage - I'm sorry for your loss.
He's showing you who he really is, don't ignore him! I very rarely say this but yes, I think you should leave the bastard.

Original poster

Londonmummy01 · 08/08/2015 19:50

Goldie I'm sorry for your losses, I've had two and it breaks your heart each time.

Sean I think I want to leave but I just don't know how. He can be so emotionally manipulative at times I feel completely drained. There are no boundaries in his eyes...I feel trapped.

OP posts:

theredjellybean · 09/08/2015 18:02

its only been 7 weeks...and in that you have had a miscarriage...goodness...he is being incredibly selfish !

Nonnainglese · 09/08/2015 18:06

Strewth!
Poor you, that's really sad.

He's got the sensitivity of a brick, and personally I think he's a total dickhead.

pocketsaviour · 09/08/2015 18:07

What an insensitive bastard. You deserve so much better than this

You said you're not sure how to leave. What is your situation - do you both work? Is the house owned or rented - in whose name, or is it joint?

sleepsoftly · 09/08/2015 18:33

Tell him that he is never ever entitled to sex.

Original poster

Londonmummy01 · 09/08/2015 18:57

Thanks ladies!
Pocketsavor we both work and don't live together so in a practical sense a break up would be easy but emotionally I'm just a mess and not strong to enough to stay nor leave

OP posts:

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 09/08/2015 19:13

The selfish Insensitive arse hole. Of course you're not being unreasonable. Your mind and body hAvd been through so much.
Sorry for your loss.
It took me 10 months after my mc to even look at another man. Let alone have sex. You will be ready one day but do not put yourself under any pressure.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 09/08/2015 19:15

I honestly did not know too much sexy could a UTI, and I certainly don't consider myself stupid, you definitely learn something every day on here

Original poster

Londonmummy01 · 09/08/2015 19:23

Iliveinalighthouse it's prob more about a women not emptying the bladder straight after "sexy" to be more accurate, something to do with the build up of bacteria in the urethra and the friction during "sexy" can further irritate the problem.

OP posts:

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 09/08/2015 19:40

Oh I see thankyou. I always need a wee straight after in any case.

FredaMayor · 09/08/2015 22:56

OP, on a practical note, whoever you're in a relationship with, try to get out of your UTI-antibiotics-thrush cycle. As another has said, empty your bladder pre- and post-sex, use plenty of lubricants, cotton underwear, unscented washing products, etc. etc. there's plenty of advice on the net. Recurrent UTIs will be making you confused and worried, not to mention having to cope with the sensation of peeing razorblades day in day out. There's plenty of medical help and advice out there to help you sort this out.

Flip