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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

"I am not with you, I am not engaged to you, you are someone that I F***"

18 replies

expectantmum79 · 31/07/2015 16:13

Emotionally abusive ex said this to me today when I refused to see him. I have another thread on here "planning to cheat?" about a series of texts I found on his phone which prompted me to accuse him.

He is angry that I looked on his phone and said this to justify the texts as we've been split for 4 weeks but he stayed over last Saturday. He also said "I could F* you anytime I wanted" when I said I never want to see him.

I'm totally humiliated, I never want to see him again. Advice/ support would be appreciated.

OP posts:

Zillie77 · 31/07/2015 16:19

That is a truly awful thing to hear, I am really sorry that you were subject to that! Use it! Use it to remind yourself that he is not a person to whom you want to make yourself vulnerable.

Some day, hopefully soon, someone will say something equally lovely to you. You can be sure of that. But you must turn your back on him for that to happen.

pocketsaviour · 31/07/2015 16:20

He also said "I could F* you anytime I wanted" when I said I never want to see him.

Did he say this in a "because you can't resist my charms" way? Or was it threatening?

At this point I'd simply send him a text saying "It's over. Don't contact me again" and then block his number on your phone and delete and block on Facebook if you use it.

Original poster

expectantmum79 · 31/07/2015 16:20

Thank you.x

OP posts:

Zillie77 · 31/07/2015 16:20

By equally lovely, I mean, as cruel as what he said was, you will find someone who will be as kind as he is cruel.

Original poster

expectantmum79 · 31/07/2015 16:22

I think in the "resist his charms" way POcket Saviour, it made me feel so awful.

OP posts:

Original poster

expectantmum79 · 31/07/2015 16:25

He has been threatening me that he will go for joint custody of our son.

OP posts:

Mimigolightly · 31/07/2015 16:25

I'm sorry that you're going through this.

If I were you, I would have completely no contact with him from now on. He sounds truly horrible and you deserve better than to be in a relationship with this abusive twat.

HellonHeels · 31/07/2015 16:47

What horrible texts to receive. He is nasty. Please don't see him anymore or get back with him.

Retain his nasty texts in case you need to use them in future eg if he continues to harass you.

LazyLouLou · 31/07/2015 17:07

Keep the texts, block the twat. Get a solicitor to sort out the details.

And don't let him stay over again.

Good luck xx

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 31/07/2015 19:47

Oh, the old "joint custody" threat. The correct answer to that is "see you in court fucknugget".

Twats like this can't manage a child for an hour, let alone a weekend.

Hobbitwife001 · 03/08/2015 10:53

Well, he's not going to get to f**k you ever again is he my love?
Please go no contact and block and delete as pp have advised. Arrogant arsehole to treat you with such disrespect, you deserve so much more than this wank stain.

TheStoic · 03/08/2015 10:56

Laugh in his face, OP.

borisgudanov · 03/08/2015 13:01

"Not any more I'm not". Followed by "Out, you twat, and the horse you rode in on".

shovetheholly · 03/08/2015 13:13

Keep that text. It will be an amazing tool when it comes to those moments when you feel a bit weak and wonder whether you should let him back in your life. A quick read of those lines, and you'll never be tempted to reply to him again.

Delete the bastard from your life! Not to prove that he's wrong, but for your own wellbeing and your peace of mind.

SolidGoldBrass · 03/08/2015 14:29

Do you have DC with him, or are there any financial ties between you (eg shared mortgage)? If not, then send him a text or an email telling him that you do not want to see or hear from him ever again.

If you have DC and need to arrange access/contact/maintenance then email him to say that in future you will only communicate via email and only on finance/child contact matters. And ignore every other communication attempt.

CheersMedea · 03/08/2015 14:34

Ouch OP. Sorry you had to go through that. That's nasty. I agree with keeping the text. Please don't delete it.

In my experience, men only say that kind of thing when they think they hold all the power. If he has previously been abusive to you and you didn't leave, he may very well believe what he says. That he can just use you for sex when he feels like it. If you are in the thrall of an abusive man, it's not that unlikely that with the passage of time the pain will dull and when he comes dancing around all charming, you may weaken.

Keeping that text and re-reading it will be a good weapon of self protection for you.

allibaba · 03/08/2015 19:23

OP I remember getting a voice mail message from abusive ex telling me he could have me whenever he wanted. It flicked a switch in my brain and I never looked back.

Hold on to this and remember you are so much better than he ever will be.

pocketsaviour · 03/08/2015 19:37

How much contact is he having with your DS at the moment? They all threaten they'll go for custody, it won't happen. Is there a contact order in place? How old is your DS?

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