Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

i dont miss dp when hes not here.. worrying or healthy?

22 replies

BeansInBoots · 30/07/2015 18:26

Me and dp been together for 4 years, 2dc, wedding booked for early next year.

Hes been away with work since tuesday morning, and whilst i miss his help with dc, i dont miss him.... Is this a sign of a healthy relationship or a bit worrying?

OP posts:
SmillasSenseOfSnow · 30/07/2015 18:31

Obviously this is just my opinion but I don't think you can tell much from just that. Maybe you're just finding it too refreshing having the place to yourself for a while? Maybe it's not been long enough for you to miss him? Maybe you've been too busy to miss him?

If I go visit family abroad on my own, I'd say it's about 50/50 me missing him and me having too much fun to really think about him. Plus he's a bit crap at chatting when we're apart (he seems to enjoy the opportunity to have the place to himself and spend the time gaming constantly a bit too much to spend a lot of time talking to me).

Original poster
BeansInBoots · 30/07/2015 18:41

Im not sure, hes super helpful with dc, does more than half of the nights etc, but never cooks dinner or anything practicle. Im not sure if im just enjoying less washing/ washing up/ watching and eating whatever j want, or if i shoukd actually be worried that i dont miss hiM.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 30/07/2015 18:41

I never miss my H when he is away

makes a nice change Smile

YeOldeTrout · 30/07/2015 18:42

well... at least you don't feel wildly relieved when he goes & sulky when he comes back!
Sounds healthy enough to me.

Mabelface · 30/07/2015 18:42

Fairly healthy, as it means that you're not joined at the hip. Just because you don't miss him doesn't mean that you don't love him, it's nice to have a change. You know that you'll be glad to see him when he comes home and that's enough. :)

KetchupIsNearlyAVegetable · 30/07/2015 18:45

Not long enough to know.

I've been with DH over 20 years. We have a good marriage. I don't miss him for a few days especially with normal life, DC, work happening. If it were over a week or if some abnormal life thing happened then I'd miss him.

I think the question to ask is whether you are dreading his return or not?

chrome100 · 30/07/2015 18:46

I love it when my DP goes away as I love having the flat to myself.

Conversely, when I am away, I miss him! Even if I'm away with friends having a lovely time. Not sure why it should be that way round.

BackforGood · 30/07/2015 18:46

As long as you're not dreading his return - as Ketchup says - then pretty normal, and healthy IMO

DevaDiva · 30/07/2015 18:48

I'm the same, don't really miss my DH if we are apart, I quite like having some time to myself and up to a week away doesn't upset me. He on the other hand can't sleep properly if I'm not there!

I know it's not the done thing but my DCs have been at my Mum and Dads since Sunday and I'm not really missing them either *yGrin I am looking forward to seeing them tomorrow evening though, I'm not a complete monster!
disclaimer they are 13 and 10

BertieBotts · 30/07/2015 18:52

I don't miss mine when he's away unless it's a long time. I think it's normal, I'm an adult in a relationship with an adult, not a child who is homesick for their parent. I actually find it a bit weird when grown adults get all maudlin about missing their DHs when they gone for a weekend Confused Obviously a longer time is different.

Ye Olde Trout's point is good too :) Sounds exactly how I used to feel about my ex, when he ever went away, that is, because he barely ever did!

Joysmum · 30/07/2015 18:53

I'm happy when my DH is away but don't always miss him. Sometimes I'm grateful for my own space.

It'd be very different if I wasn't sure if him or thought it would be any longer than a week.

HPsauciness · 30/07/2015 19:00

I don't miss my husband mostly when he's away, I enjoy a slightly different pace of life, knowing he's coming back again. I like it when he's here, I like it when he's away. It's just different. I would only miss him after say a week, and perhaps for chatting/if something bad happened- but then I immediately phone him. Not sure why this is a 'sign' of anything unless there is other trouble?

Costacoffeeplease · 30/07/2015 19:24

I feel the same, I enjoy my own space. We've been together nearly 30 years, and he now travels away for 10 days every 6-8 weeks, and although I know it will be hard work (I'm disabled, we have lots of animals to look after, and I have our two businesses to run!) I do look forward to doing my own thing - I think it's fine

Yarp · 30/07/2015 19:38

We've been together for 25 years. I don't miss him when he is away, even though my heart skips a bit when he comes in the door in the evening

I get to watch crap on the TV without his mild disapproval

Original poster
BeansInBoots · 30/07/2015 19:40

I think im just getting nervous about being married.. Like the bit when everyones forgotten how beautifulyour table centres are and your just married. Then he went away and i got flappy because i dont miss him.. Argh!! Glad its normal to not be pining for him like a lost puppy Grin

OP posts:
123rd · 30/07/2015 19:43

Me & my friends quite often comment on how, if DH are away for work or whatever, we don't really miss them. And how sometimes we encourage them to stay over somewhere!! Less mess, less stress around the house. Can watch the news when I want!! But we love them to bits and wouldn't be without DH. It's just nice to have a little bit of space occasionally. IMO

Mermaid36 · 30/07/2015 19:44

My hubby (we've be together 17 years) works away quite a bit (about half the month roughly - all over Northern Europe). I do miss him, but I certainly don't mope around! I enjoy eating what I want, watching what I want on TV and pretty much do what I like - I do military fitness, swimming, kickboxing and Zumba; and cos H isn't here, I can do it when I like :-)

So, I miss him but not enough to worry about it!

Kampeki · 30/07/2015 19:44

I love having the house to myself (and dd) when DH is away! I wouldn't want it all the time, but it's nice while it lasts. Besides, he is far more communicative when he is on Skype!

Justincaseyoudidntknow · 30/07/2015 19:45

My DH is in the army so is away a lot and often, so far this year he's been away more than he's been home. We have 2 DC aged almost 1 and 2.5. I sometimes miss him, sometimes I don't. I miss him most in the evenings when I'm bored! What I do feel mostly when he's away is worried. The worry overwrites the missing. Although sometimes I think I don't allow myself to miss him.
I'm so used to it now. whilst I don't always miss him, I ALWAYS get butterflies and excited when he's on his way home and nothing beats the feeling of him walking through the door.
Like a pp said, as long as the rest of your relationship is ok, don't worry about it and enjoy the peace and having the TV remote to yourself!!

Pixi2 · 30/07/2015 19:45

My DH works away every week. I only miss him at bedtimes Wink. One more night until he's home...

elQuintoConyo · 30/07/2015 19:49

Definitely healthy! I miss DH when he's gone for 10 days or so, but certainly don't cry about it, or dread him coming home.

On the other hand, a dear friend's husband went away for 4 days and she was crying uncontrollably. Highly independent, intelligent woman, married 7 years. Inside I had this face --> Hmm but outside I was sympathetic. (God, makes me sound like a right bitch!)

Mermaid36 · 30/07/2015 19:53

kampeki Besides, he is far more communicative when he is on Skype!

YY- I also get more conversation over Skype than when H is at home!!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page