Tomorrow

[strong123]

I am going to court to get an occupation order to stop exp coming anywhere near me or the house.

I have had to leave my half of our successful business for now due to his threats to smash my f*ing face in last week. I just hope it is the right thing to do - hopefully it will allow me to sleep properly at night.

Just not sure how it came to this and how I ended up here. Hopefully it will get better - it just seems an endless nightmare at the moment.

It does seem endless when you are going through it - but it does end, it does come to an end. Keep going

I take it you have legal advice. Have you contacted women's aid? 0808 2000 247 - best to call at night as lines busy during the day.

Well done, you're doing the right thing, strong xxx

Thanks for your kind words - I had to get the police out today as he was around the house again causing an argument. They gave me the details for an organisation which are helping me - think it is the national domestic violence helpline or someone like that.

I just never imagined it would all end up like this.

It's probably the number above. Plenty of us have trod the same path in one guise or another if that helps at all. Meeting others in the same boat helps a lot.

What led up to this?

Months of arguments about the business. If only he cared so much about the children.

He has a bad gamling problem and has taken a lot of money which he shouldn't have. He also likes a drink and has a drug problem.

Despite him doing everything wrong, it seems like there are no consequences for him and yet I'm sat here in tears every night.

It will end up like this bcs he's an addict. You are doing the right thing to get him away from your children - and you of course.

Women's aid are a 24/7 helpline but the lines are busy during the day so best to call at night 0808 2000 247

They will support you emotionally and practically and will point you in the direction of much help and support elsewhere eg Freedom Programme and All-anon groups eg support for relatives of an addict. You are far from alone, sadly.

Dry your eyes, he's not worth it. You'll see that in due course - though it hurts now

*Al-anon

It's really tough, such a hard thing to swallow when you're expected to take responsibility, sort their messes out and take a load of stick while they appear to be able to do whatever the fuck they like with no consequences. It's just shit, there is no way to make it seem better. Unfortunately society is very concerned about 'the problem' of single mothers (who are often actually stepping up and taking responsibility for other people's issues) whilst totally unconcerned about problem fathers, so, so shit...

It does help to know you aren't alone though IME.

I think probably you have spoken to the NCDV (national centre for domestic violence) for help with the occupation order.

It is worth speaking to women's aid as well. Any support you can get will be invaluable IMO.

Thanks Offred - yes it was the NCDV. I know exactly what you mean and I felt very unsupported by one police officer. He can basically come to the house, break a door to get in, take whatever he wants and make threats as long as they are non specific.

It gives me no confidence at all in the Police. They shut the door so my DS can't hear what we are discussing - bit late when he is already scared and frightened because of the actions of his dad.

It's hard but you'll get through it, if you keep pushing for support from the police, NCDV and women's aid and anyone else. The best thing is getting as much support as you can which counteracts some of the unfairness inherent in this kinds of situations.