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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

chemistry and attraction dilemma

20 replies

FunkyColdOedema · 20/07/2015 22:41

This is a serious question for a mate of mine, not a wind up!

Would you go ahead and embark on a sexual relationship with someone where 1. The chemistry or spark just isn't there, 2. the size of his package is quite a bit smaller than what you're used to but 3. the bloke is a lovely guy and it really seems like he would treat you far better than other blokes have done?

OP posts:

thisisnow · 20/07/2015 22:45

No to all 3 - if there's no chemistry just don't bother

ALaughAMinute · 20/07/2015 22:47

No way!

newnamesamegame · 20/07/2015 22:49

I personally think that without any chemistry at all there's no relationship. I think sexual chemistry can grow from a low base and it doesn't necessarily have to start as blow your socks off passion from the word go.

But if there's nothing at all there's no point. There has to be at the very least a sense of interest and strong like with the potential to grow into something more. Otherwise you might just as well be with any of your mates.

As for the size of his "package" I think this is a bit of a red herring if you/your mate fancied this guy you/she wouldn't be bothered by this.

BoxOfKittens · 20/07/2015 22:49

If no chemistry the rest is a moot point.

The question suggests that this has not yet happened, so I do wonder how she knows about the size of his package!

HPsauciness · 20/07/2015 22:54

No, how ridiculous, it's also quite patronising to him if you are basically doing him a favour as you don't really fancy him or his member!

There are plenty of nice guys out there who are attractive, don't settle.

crustsaway · 20/07/2015 22:59

Why on earth would she even think of going there if that's what she thinks of him?

What would her purpose be? A fill in till she found someone better?

What a horrible little cow.

NameChange30 · 20/07/2015 23:02

1 is a deal breaker, 2 doesn't matter.

ladymargaret · 20/07/2015 23:03

I think it's about your personal choice and your priorities and there would be no right or wrong answer here. I heard many stories when women have said they didn't even like their partner at the beginning when they've met. I wasn't attracted physically to my last boyfriend at the beginning at all but as I got to know him more (how organised he is etc. etc.; the fact that we could talk easily about everything etc., mostly responsible, laughing together) I started to see him in a different more attractive light and sex was good.

moopymoodle · 20/07/2015 23:04

There has to be some attraction for me. The wilot thing, unless it's a micro penis I can deal with it.

ChristinaTweet · 20/07/2015 23:04

wonder what people would say to a poster who came on here saying that his g/f's t1ts are too small

Original poster

FunkyColdOedema · 20/07/2015 23:33

newname - well I'm sure most of us don't go from 0-60 immediately, no?

HP She doesn't see herself as doing him a favour, but is challenging her own views on what may be superficial and could perhaps end up in a really positive relationship?

Christina - breasts aren't the equivalent. Besides, people are allowed to have their own tastes, surely?

OP posts:

Locd35 · 20/07/2015 23:36

Ok - I'll come clean. I'm the mate. Just to clarify some things:
There is a level of attraction to this guy which is slowly developing as I get to know him as he is so lovely. Physically he is not what I immediately find attractive.
I know the size of his package because we've messed around without actually having sex. I don't actually see how you can compare tits to a willy - one is essential for what you're actually going to feel sexually to some degree. It's not a micropeen but it is rather small and I'm not confident that we'll be compatible in that way because other than me thinking it's too small, he'll probably think I'm too big.
Lastly I have to say I wish I was the type of person who sex wasn't that important to but unfortunately I'm not. I do find it hugely important - at the same time I also think it's important to be with someone who values you and treats you accordingly. Hence my dilemma. Not sure whether this adds anything but thought I would clarify.

horseygeorgie · 20/07/2015 23:42

I think chemistry can start as a small ember then grow, but if it isn't there to start with then it ain't going to work!

As for the second, I used to think this was completely unimportant. (I'm about to get flamed btw!) Then I started seeing a guy I liked, he was handsome and chem was definitely there. We got into bed and honestly, I've never seen anything so small. We're talking 3 1/2". I know it SHOULDN'T be important, and goodness knows I'm not expecting Ben Dover, but I couldn't get past it. And yes, I felt/feel awful about it. It has actually put me off the whole sex thing and I haven't slept with anyone since. I am a horrendous human being.

horseygeorgie · 20/07/2015 23:44

erm...Have you seen it 'relaxed' or 'happy'!? Cause it doesn't follow that a small one will remain a small one and a big one will be elephantine. It's not relative.

Locd35 · 20/07/2015 23:46

Horsey - unfortunately it was in a happy state when I saw it.

Sorry about your experience btw... don't let it put you off forever!

Cabrinha · 20/07/2015 23:47

Well, specifically as you say "embark on a sexual relationship" -yes, I might.
Sometimes starting to be sexual can trigger feelings. Although - be careful it's actually him, not just the 'having sex' situation that is turning you on.
It would depend on whether starting a sexual relationship we be a headfuck for him though - if he believed it were a level of commitment beyond what you're prepared to give.

All that said - I think it's possible but unlikely that it kick start sexual attraction, so I'd likely give up on this one. I married someone thinking "oh sex is just one thing, it doesn't matter so much...". Big mistake!

Locd35 · 20/07/2015 23:47

And you're not horrendous because you didn't enjoy sex with someone

FriendofBill · 20/07/2015 23:52

It doesn't sound like a good match to me. If penis size is important to you (as you have expressed) you must do the right thing and end it.

horseygeorgie · 20/07/2015 23:52

I suppose it depends on if you like him enough to get past it! Also just because it is small, doesn't mean it can't be great. Depends on if he knows what he is doing.

Thanks, It came as a shock as I had honestly thought I didn't matter. It was bad sex anyway which made matters worse and I haven't dared repeat it for 2 1/2 years!

Garlick · 21/07/2015 00:02

Bravely (!) speaking up here - I had two memorable encounters with men of unusually small proportions. One was a long-standing friend who I really did fancy - big disappointment. Or, erm, small disappointment. Anyway I felt like a swamp. It was not a sexy feeling.

To a great many women, size really doesn't matter. I now know I'm not one of those women. It was better all round to set him loose to find a less penetration-focused partner.

Locd35, do you already know this about yourself? If not, and there aren't any compelling reasons why having full sex would be a bad idea in your circs, I echo Cabrinha's advice.

I have just failed to avoid saying 'suck it and see' though we're not talking about that here!

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