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Relationships

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Original poster

Do you have any photo's of your ex?

16 replies

BoredAdminGirl · 20/07/2015 10:34

I mean, on Facebook or in an old album?

I had a bit of an argument with my DP last night over this.

A few years ago when I started hitting the online dating world, I made a lot of my albums on Facebook, private. As they included pictures of me and my ex that I didn't want to delete. I dont have any feelings for my ex, but they are memories.

Me and DP were mucking round last night and I jokingly threatened to post an embarassing photo of him on Facebook. DP asked to see the photo again and I said its not on my phone, its on my private album on Facebook. Sometimes to make room on my mobile phone, I will transfer pics onto a provate albnum on FB.

Anyway, DP asked what other private albums I had and I mentioned the others. DP wasn't happy. I just explained that I never go through my photos on FB and therefore haven't got round to deleting the ones of me and ex...

I'm a horrible GF aren't I?

OP posts:

Original poster

BoredAdminGirl · 20/07/2015 10:39

*her, not him!

OP posts:

mrsdavidbowie · 20/07/2015 10:40

I still have photos in albums but only ones with the dcs in.
Someone once told me that you would be destroying your children's memories..he's still their dad and a decent one.
I never look at them.

StrawberrytallCake · 20/07/2015 10:42

OP do you have children? Is this a long term relationship?

hellsbellsmelons · 20/07/2015 10:48

I've got loads but he is my DD father and I was with him over 15 years.
I also have pics of my ex-ex.
No-one would tell me to delete them.
They are my memories and I'll keep them thanks very much.
Seems a weird thing to get upset about.
Well to me it does.

Artio · 20/07/2015 10:49

I have boxes of photos that will have many of my ex in. I've no desire to look at them, but I wouldn't throw them away. I guess I see them a bit like personal historical documents, a record of a large part of my life that I might want to look at years down the line. Being with someone else doesn't delete the parts of your life you've already lived. I wouldn't expect DP to throw away old photos either. I might be upset if he was weeping over them or something, but just possessing them I don't have a problem with!

Throwing them away would be a weird process in itself, as for me it would mean spending hours going through boxes of photos, selecting the ones containing the ex and binning them. Seems to me that would take up far more headspace than just taping up the box and sticking it in the attic, or leaving it private on FB, as you have.

33goingon64 · 20/07/2015 10:50

What Artio said

PeppermintPasty · 20/07/2015 10:59

Yes, I've got loads, both on FB and in real life. I have some on the walls at home still too, mainly in montages with the children, but there are one or two amongst them of me and him.

I agree it's like wiping away yours and your dc's past if they are removed. I never look at them, they are just there. The picture frame with him in it, plus me and the dc, is a series of photos in a nice frame and it would be weirder to remove it imo, than to leave it be.

I kicked him out btw, so no secret hankering for him or anything.

I haven't got a new partner, but if I did and he was fazed by that I would think him an idiot. (I'm not saying your dp is an idiot btw!).

Ashwinder · 20/07/2015 11:07

Yes I've got quite a few - on FB and elsewhere. I won't delete/destroy them because he is my DCs dad and those photos are part of their past too. I don't have photos of him on display around the house but there are a few of him with the DCs in their rooms. I think it's important that they are there TBH.

I would be cross with a new partner who didn't understand that.

tumbletumble · 20/07/2015 11:07

I've been with DH since before FB / digital photos existed, but I do have quite a few real life photos of my exes in albums. So does DH. I think it would be weird to go through the albums and remove them. Especially my university boyfriend - he was part of the memories I have of that those years, and always will be.

ScoutRifle · 20/07/2015 12:26

No I got rid when I got rid of my ex's

YesItsANewNameForThis · 20/07/2015 13:28

The other day I went through some old albums that my mother had kept. I found photos of my first serious bf which I took out and brought home with me. I have stuffed them away in the back of a drawer. I loved him, he was a big part of my life, we are still on good terms. I couldn't give a hoot what any future man thinks. It is quite possible for romantic love to become the sort of love you have for friends and family, and I keep photos of them too!

pocketsaviour · 20/07/2015 14:51

I still have photos of both my late husband, and of my last ex. Husband's mainly are hard copies. I only have one out on display which also has my late grandma in it and my DS so have wanted it for that.

I have a couple of albums on FB with photos of my last ex. They are public though. I just didn't bother deleting them when we broke up. Maybe I should do? It's annoying though because I'm a good photographer!

UncertainSmile · 20/07/2015 15:08

Yes I do. I have photos of all stages of my life, and my exes were part of those stages. I don't see the point of deleting or getting rid of any old photos.

Faithless · 20/07/2015 16:10

I don't think you're a bad girlfriend, just maybe explain the pics are for you and your "biography" of your life, and not about him.

I have pics of my children's Dad with the dcs, kept specifically for them, but not many "couple" ones, except some daft ones from festivals years ago with other people on. I'd be equally happy to not have them.

If I didn't have children, they'd be deleted or in the bin, not because there are any hard feelings but to make space for the present and the future (on a practical and psychological level). I can see why some people might like to hang on to old pics, but I'm not the sentimental type, and don't like to dwell on the past. Maybe your bf is similar and would just benefit from an explanation of why you like to have the pics?

BoxOfKittens · 20/07/2015 17:37

I have a box of stuff from my past which contains old photos (from childhood as well as past relationships) , love letters, cards and what were once other sentimental items. My boyfriend knows about it and he has a few similar bits himself in a folder. One day we will want to look back on this stuff.

Your fb photos were in a private album. Its not like they were visible and open to comments still and whatnot. In my opinion this is fine. Old photos are only a problem if they are looked at or out on display or something. Out of sight and out of mind, put away for some future reflection... I see that as a good thing.

Maybe your partner was upset because it seemed like a secret if old photos and whatnot is not a subject that you have covered together.

Isetan · 21/07/2015 11:12

the pics are for you and your "biography" of your life, and not about him.

This

It isn't your responsibility to appease him and his insecurities, these pics are on a private album on Facebook for f*cks sake.

Flip