WWYD

[EE123]

For the past year my husband has known massive changes at his work were coming that probably would not work out well for him. He pretty much buried his head in the sand, refused advice of friends, refused to seek career counseling or any professional assistance. We now know it's probable by the end of the year he will be riffed. He is mid fifties and in finance.

I am so angry about his refusal over the past year to take any measures at all to either network for a new job, looking within his firm for other opportunities or take offers from from colleagues and friends to help him network. We have enough money saved for a year, but it will decimate our savings and preclude us from buying a house.

I know he is worried and feels very slighted, but my anger at his denial of the situation is upsetting on so many levels that I have no room for empathy.

I'm mid 50's and I am exhausted by trying to compete with all the youngsters and the expectation to be enthusiastic and full of energy when I am tired and jaded and can see through all the bullshit.

I don't know anyone who buys their first house this late in life. Getting a mortgage will be difficult in your mid 50's. It seems strange that a man in finance, which is usually well paid, hasn't bought a house before now.

Are you working? Can you step up while he steps down?

Do you work, OP?

Tbh my response depends very much on whether you are also contributing financially or whether you expect your DH to support you in a certain lifestyle and are bemoaning potential loss of said lifestyle.

We sold our home 3 months ago as we had an offer we could not refuse and started to rent while looking in a less expensive area. I stopped working 2 years ago to take care of an ill child. Even when I was working he out earned 5 to 1.

Would you not be better buying a (smaller) house now while he's still employed? Were you going to get something bigger?

Im not bemoaning loss of said life style. I am concerned about the way he dealt with this. Completely avoiding the issue and not listening to anyone. We have had this issue come up in other areas, but not an issue this big. I am fairly certain this situation was preventable if he had started to act on it when he was aware. There were others in the same situation who did and have found work either outside his company or in other departments, but Im concerned that he left it too late in the game.

I agree about buying a smaller house now, and its something Im strongly considering but he is really pushing back on that.

Imo you should go full steam ahead on buying another property now as should it transpire that he's made redundant and it's necessary for him to claim benefits you may find that means-testing applies and you'll be required to dip into whatever profit you made on the sale of your former home together with any other savings you may have to survive.

Now that the writing is clearly on the wall, has he formulated a plan of action to ensure that he has another job to go to before the axe falls? He'll have to get his skates on as those who are in employment tend to do better in the job hunting stakes than those who are unemployed, even though their situation may have arisen through no fault of their own.

Can he network with those ex-colleagues who found work outside of the company to see whether they know of vacancies their current employers may have?

Are you now in position to return to work?

I don't know about finance but in my game it's almost impossible to get a new job in your mid-50s.

However it would be easier for him to do it while actually employed and with lots of contacts as you say.

What's his take on it all? Is he thinking of early retirement or something? Does he want a break? Sometimes it is easier to let it all happen around you although I understand your frustration.

End of the year is 5 months away!

No advice but I feel your frustration. I had a friend who worked in the public sector back when the recession had just hit. She was given 18 months notice that her department was being shut down and they'd all be made redundant. During that 18 months all she did was whine and wring her hands about how terrible it was and how hard done by she was.

18 months rolled round and she was made redundant with no job to go to.

Crack on with buying the smaller house. At least then you're building equity in something and not pissing your remaining cash up the wall in rent.

If the house is too small then tough. He comes up with a way to afford the bigger one he'd prefer.

Thanks for the suggestions. He thinks he is going to start to look formulating a plan of action end of August/September.
I am just so angry he left it to this point. I think I am gong to focus on trying to buy a place as the longer we stay off the property ladder the harder it is to get back on.

I can start to look for work as soon as school starts.

He can get work in his mid-fifties - being defeatist about it isn't going to help. I am in my mid-fifties and have had six is jobs in the last seven years (different area completely, media, so also competitive and youth-focused). I got a permanent job last year.

He will probably need to look at a mix of contracts and self employed work, to start off with, and work hard at presenting his skills to his best advantage, and tailoring them to what employers say they want. Starting to network now would also be a good idea.

I expect there are agencies who specialise in matching people with financial skills with vacancies in that area, he could start contacting them now and let them know when he will be available.

The main thing is his attitude - he needs to get his head out of the sand, sharpish. He needs to see it is essential to do that. Good luck.

Does he have a degree?
If yes, what about a total career change?
One of my parent's friends was made redundant at 52. He did a Graduate Training Programme & re-trained to be an infant teacher. The children love him, he loves his job & plans to work until he's 65!