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Relationships

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Original poster

Online dating - do you look at income?

41 replies

Ladylouanne · 06/07/2015 19:13

I know the title sounds shallow, but please bear with me! I'm equally interested in both male and female opinions on this.

I've recently registered for online dating having been single for several years. Over the last few years, I have worked hard, been promoted and have built some savings. Having had my fingers burnt in a previous relationship, I've always felt that anything I earn now is mine and my daughter's.

I'm very much of the view that I would never be with a man purely because he had money. However, I also feel that I shouldn't have to completely subsidise him and that we should each pay our way. To be clear - if he were better off, I would still insist on paying my share for nights out, holidays etc.

So, does income matter when getting to know someone? I'm at a stage in my life where my DD will soon be leaving home and I'd love to meet someone I could share experiences and travel with. However, if one persons old afford stuff the other couldn't is that likely to become a problem?

Sorry, I know this sounds materialistic, and I'm really not like that it. It's just that for many years I was married to a complete spendthrift and it caused me huge amounts of worry and stress.

OP posts:

Bellemere · 06/07/2015 19:15

Money mattered to me. Not in a money grabbing way but in a "can you support yourself financially way". I don't think that's shallow.

pocketsaviour · 06/07/2015 19:19

Yes, I do. I always assume they've put themselves in the next bracket up, unless their profile says they're a student/artist/musician, in which case they're obviously going to be skint.

If I'm going on a date, I need to know they can pay for their half and we're not going to end up in McDonalds.

It's also a pretty easy way to find people who have a career versus a job, which is important to me.

Lovingfreedom · 06/07/2015 19:20

Yes...I don't care exactly how much a man earns but I don't want to pay to support him. Been there, done that.

Original poster

Ladylouanne · 06/07/2015 19:28

Oh, this is really helpful. I thought you were all going to come on tell me to get a grip!

I agree about not paying to support him - I think at my age (47), I should aim for someone who can do that for himself. Also, having a career is important, not because I'm attracted to powerful men but because I ole someone with a bit of get up and go.

OP posts:

NoraLouca · 06/07/2015 19:31

I haven't looked in the past. His attitude towards work would matter a lot more than what he actually earned - I couldn't be doing with a lazy fecker! Also attitude towards money, I wouldn't want any one who spent way above their means, nor anyone stingy.

brokenhearted55a · 06/07/2015 19:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PickledinGin · 06/07/2015 19:33

Yes, I wanted to know that any potential partner was financially secure and not looking to have me as their personal bank like the last twat

HeadDreamer · 06/07/2015 19:35

Yes it matters to me.

I'm in a professional job and I would expect my mate to be a hard working honest person. Like nora says, not a lazy fecker. I would imagine I can't stand someone not educated as I'm a bit of a Lizzie Bennet. I don't need him to be rich but be comfortable enough to go out for a meal etc. A teacher or nurse type of salary would be enough. So nothing extravagant but not minimum wage.

HeadDreamer · 06/07/2015 19:36

What brokenhearted says too.

Original poster

Ladylouanne · 06/07/2015 19:42

headdreamer - I'm exactly the same. I want someone with a brain who can have a decent conversation over a meal, not flash the cash but have nothing to say.

The problem is, I don't think he exists!

OP posts:

MackerelOfFact · 06/07/2015 19:43

I think for me it's more about values and priorities than actual income. They could earn craploads, but if they're frittering it away or have lots of investments/commitments to fulfil, that's less appealing than someone who earns much less but spends sensibly and makes the money go further, and shares your priorities.

Purpleball · 06/07/2015 19:49

I dropped my money criteria once and spent 3 years financially supporting a cocklodger!
I only care that they can fund their lifestyle and afford to contribute equally to the relationship, ie pay alternate times we eat out, pay half for holidays, afford to treat me occasionally like I'd treat them

Original poster

Ladylouanne · 06/07/2015 19:50

I wonder if men feel the same?

OP posts:

WallyBantersJunkBox · 06/07/2015 19:54

Great post Mackerel.

WaltzingWithHeiferlumps · 06/07/2015 20:01

I find it strange when people put their income / salaries on dating sites. If someone puts 150K+, in my (fairly skint admittedly) eyes, that's either a) showing off, b) small cock or c) hoping it'll get them a shag faster.

Lovingfreedom · 06/07/2015 20:15

I don't care if men feel the same...I don't expect them to subsedise me either

Original poster

Ladylouanne · 06/07/2015 20:15

All of the above, I think Waltzing!

OP posts:

HeyDuggee · 06/07/2015 20:20

I recall m DH saying he was told not to fill that bit on his profile as it attracted certain types of women who were searching by that criteria for a man to fund them. Instead, he detailed his type of work, which, to anyone who bothered to read about it and do a quick google, would give them an idea of his salary bracket.

60sname · 06/07/2015 20:21

Yes - I wanted someone with similar attitudes to work, spending and education and happily found those in my now-DH

moonfacebaby · 06/07/2015 21:39

Well, it's a good job I didn't - I'd have overlooked my lovely bloke!

I was more concerned about intelligence, attitude, humour, outlook on life....

I've been with mine now for 2.5 years.....he's recently got a better job & his financial situation wasn't because he was lazy or work-shy. That would have bothered me. I can see from his past that he's worked hard, had ambition - that was what I looked for.

I get why people would though.....but I'd had my fingers burned by a high-earning cheating exH (I think earning loads of money made him more selfish & entitled).

Nevergoingtolearn · 06/07/2015 21:55

It's a tricky one isn't it? It depends on their situation, living as a single man can be very expensive, even more so if they have to pay CSA for a child/children from a previous marriage. The man I am seeing had money before his ex wife too everything, he had a career ( ex army ) but now has to pay a lot of CSA and pay rent plus bills so doesn't have much left at the end of each week, he works long hours and works very hard but due to his situation he's likely to be skint. It does worry me a little tbh, I have savings and I wouldn't want to share my money but if one day we were to live together and we were both working full time his money situation may be different.

I guess I would consider how much a person earns whilst online dating but it wouldn't be my priority.

2rebecca · 06/07/2015 22:10

I would want him to be financially self supporting and have a similar attitude to money to me. I was probably more flexible about this when I was younger, but now I'm older with kids to support I couldn't be bothered supporting a man as well, so a skint man would be fine as a friend but not a potential partner.
I wouldn't want 150k+ either as they'd probably want a SAH trophy wife to cook company dinners and do golf teas and I like being independent.
I want an equal, financially and intellectually.

Sleepsoftly · 06/07/2015 22:18

but if they're frittering it away or have lots of investments/commitments to fulfil, that's less appealing than someone who earns much less but spends sensibly

This stuck out. Almost a contradiction. Frittering, understood, but investments and fulfilling commitments are responsible actions. So, not really understanding why that should be criticised.

Sleepsoftly · 06/07/2015 22:20

An investment is not a cost. Not many people I know get that. A commitment is honourable, mostly. Like a mortgage or maintenance.

Sleepsoftly · 06/07/2015 22:20

I wouldn't want 150k+ either as they'd probably want a SAH trophy wife to cook company dinners and do golf teas and I like being independent.
I want an equal, financially and intellectually.

Judgmental and hardly intellectual.

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