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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

At my wits end

27 replies

Hedgehot27uk · 06/07/2015 09:57

I'm writing this as I need support and understanding and I don't know what else to do. I have been with my partner for a long time. We have a very close relationship! But for the last 6 months he's been driving me mad. I struggle to understand him most of the time because his accent keeps changing. This has caused me an enormous amount of stress because of this .I really loved the way his accent was before as it had so much personality in the way he spoke and so it was it big part of who he was. It has changed so much.We almost sorted it out a month ago as he really listened but now since he's spoken to someone else he doesn't believe me as he says they haven't noticed .But I've noticed as I live with him it makes a huge difference them.I really need him to understand and we have a baby and he keeps changing the way he says things with her so when she's learns to speak and is learning what words mean she would really struggle to understand too. I'm worried sick over this how do I explain this to him? Please I need have support as this is really affecting me now after 6 months.i have tried talking to him in that time but he didn't understand.

OP posts:

Meerka · 06/07/2015 10:01

you're upset because his accent keeps changing?

I'm sorry hedgehot but I can't understand the problem here. Hopefully you love him for a heck of a lot more than his accent?

Regarding children, they will cope with a changing accent. If they can cope with being brought up in bilingual or trilingual households I really don't think an accent, changing or otherwise, is going to be a problem.

Houseworkavoider · 06/07/2015 10:06

That sounds odd.
How is he otherwise?
Apart from this, is your relationship a happy one?

Houseworkavoider · 06/07/2015 10:09

I see it as this,
Your dp either is doing this to confuse you, or he needs to see a dr, or you're imagining it (stress?) or he's trying to sound posher/more local.
Any of these ring a bell op?

Original poster

Hedgehot27uk · 06/07/2015 10:20

The problem is its causing me so much stress .I do love him for more than that otherwise I wouldn't be with him and I can't help how I feel I know it may sound like not a common relationship problem but like I say it's not tone more how he says things as as he's been the same way for years I struggle to understand him. that's how it is for me .

OP posts:

Original poster

Hedgehot27uk · 06/07/2015 10:22

I came on here for support as this is stressing me out

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 06/07/2015 10:25

Does he have mental health issues?

Original poster

Hedgehot27uk · 06/07/2015 10:27

I'm definitely not imagining it .I didn't mean how this may have come across its hard to explain but I've tried hard to explain sorry

OP posts:

tallwivglasses · 06/07/2015 10:31

OP I think mnetters will be able to help more if you give us more information. What was his original accent and how has it changed? Why do you think he's doing this?

Original poster

Hedgehot27uk · 06/07/2015 10:32

Yes he does .

OP posts:

Houseworkavoider · 06/07/2015 10:33

Hey, don't fret.
It's quite an unusual change. I don't blame you for being stressed!
What's he like when he speaks to other people?

Original poster

Hedgehot27uk · 06/07/2015 10:42

Okay the best I can describe by taking letters of most words so most words don't make sense to me as there are a lot letters in words it makes it very difficult to me to understand so maybe not so much accent changes. Please no horrible or harsh comments as it's taken a lot for me to even go online with this and different things do affect different people and I had no where else I could vent this.

OP posts:

niceupthedance · 06/07/2015 10:50

Is it that he's just doing 'baby talk' to your child?

worldgonecrazy · 06/07/2015 10:52

I'm struggling to get my head around this. Could you try and write how he would say something simple like "Could you make me a cup of tea?", e.g.

In various accents (just thinking off the top of my head how they sound to me)

"Wud yew maike mee a cup of char"

"Woold yo mayke ma a cip of tye"

"Wid yow mike meeay ar coop ov tay"

Sorry if I'm not being clear, I'm just struggling to understand how the accents might affect you're understanding of each other.

Original poster

Hedgehot27uk · 06/07/2015 10:56

Kind of like that but not so much .I can't explain it any clearer sorry

OP posts:

Original poster

Hedgehot27uk · 06/07/2015 10:57

I just needed support advice on how to talk to him about this really

OP posts:

WellErrr · 06/07/2015 10:57

Sounds very odd. What was his old accent?

worldgonecrazy · 06/07/2015 11:05

Does he spend time with people with very strong accents? I know that when I used to work with a lot of Welsh people I ended up replicating their accent and now if I'm in Wales I'm straight back to a soft Welsh accent, even though I don't live there. Same with American and West Country accents, both of which I reflect back at the speakers, but not Scottish.

Some people do this without realising.

ImperialBlether · 06/07/2015 11:05

When I was at university I met a 19 year old man who spoke in a very middle class southern accent. He told me he'd spent a gap year in the USA where he'd been chased from state to state by a gang.

At the end of the first year he worked in Scotland for the summer with his dad. When he came back to university he had the strongest Glaswegian accent I've ever heard. It was almost impossible to make out a lot of what he was saying. He denied his accent had changed, but said he'd been working in Scotland and so he must have picked it up from those he was working with.

He ended up being taken to a psychiatric hospital by the police who'd found him in a terrible state in the street. They thought it was drug induced and I know he was smoking weed but really doubt he was taking anything else. When I went to see him in hospital his dad was there with a very strong Glaswegian accent and my friend still had the same accent.

I always wondered whether his accent change was to do with his poor mental health. I imagine the paranoia on his gap year was, too. He was in and out of hospital for years and was back in when I last heard of him ten years later.

I always regret not talking to his dad or the nurses about his accent change and his paranoia as they were trying to minimise everything at the time by saying he'd had a bad reaction to drugs.

Superworm · 06/07/2015 11:08

I was going to ask if either you or your DH have had any mental health problems. Sounds very unusual and stressful for you. What does he say when you talk to him a out it and have other people noticed the accent change?

saoirse31 · 06/07/2015 11:23

Op hope your doing ok. I think firstly you need to try and look after your own health. him using a different accent with baby will not affect her, at all. Probably most people will speak to her v differently. that's how she learns. Babies can cope perfectly well with bilingual and trilingual families. If you're v anxious about this to pt of losing sleep, obsessing etc maybe talk to gp. Please note I am not at all saying your concerns re your dp aren't real but just looking after yourself is most important.

re your dp, i have no idea. If it's as strange as you describe then he probably needs to visit gp just to rule out anything. could it be drug related maybe? what is his attitude to it? Do you believe no one else has noticed it?

Have you anyone in real life you could talk to about all this- would probably be best thing to do.

Orrery · 06/07/2015 11:30

I would ask his family and friends and people who you see regularly whether they have noticed the same as you. If yes, then have a little think about whether he's being doing things differently over the last 6 months - spending time with new people, new meds, watching some new daft programme on the telly - he might need to see a doctor if it's a genuine problem with speech. BUT, also don't forget that being sleep deprived with a baby in the house can also do funny things to our perception - so I know that I'm just not tuning into the world as well as I did before. Perhaps you can make a little joke about it from the point of view of 'you haven't heard him properly?', make it a little less directly about him?

Original poster

Hedgehot27uk · 06/07/2015 12:27

I forgot to mention he did have a fit , it changed after that.but it was around the area of the brain that controls vision not speech. I do have empathy for what happened but I didn't think that could affect it as it's from a different part of the brain .I know this as they found a abnormal brain scan but they said it's not a brain tumour.

OP posts:

Superworm · 06/07/2015 12:34

Accent changes can occur in people that have had brain injuries. The key here I think is wether other people worried about this change in him or is it just you that's noticed?

tipsytrifle · 06/07/2015 12:46

It does sound like some actual brain change/damage has occurred. There are recorded cases of brain-trauma people suddenly being able to speak French or adopting whole new ways of speaking. I think this warrants further medical investigation. Would he accept that?

Original poster

Hedgehot27uk · 06/07/2015 12:48

Well we have a little boy and he noticed I haven't spoken to his family

OP posts:

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