advice please as im turning into a psycho stalker!!

[Maryb21]

Hi ladies, 1st post on here and really need some honest advice. Been with my bf 3yrs dont live together but he stays most nights, have a 7yr old dd. Thought things were good between us then i got a text from him thur nite that he wants space and that i should find someone else to make me happy as its not him, wtf?? i was floored with the text and tried ringing him and sent him loads of texts he never answered me and this made me so mad. My dd away on hols with her dad the next day so i went to see him, he lied and said he wasnt in but was at work, his car was there, i sent him several texts basically begging for an explanation and again nothing. Cried all last nite then today at lunctime i went to his house again, again car outside he wouldnt answer phone or door just blanked me. Eventually he answered his phone and said he was at his mums grave, she died few mths ago, he said he would talk to me and arranged to meet me at a local pub at 4pm, he didnt show and when i rang him several times he got really nasty and angry with me on the phone saying he knows i want more and that he will never give me more, he got really angry and told he to fuck off!! so ive come home and packed all his stuff into binbags and told him to pick them up by 8pm and return my house keys or im going to cops about him (he has a bit of a dodgy past) and told him if he doesnt show i will return to his house and empty out binbags in front of the neighbours. im so so angry at the way he has treated me and cant believe hes doing this, i really loved him and thought we would be together for life. Anyone have any ideas how a man who supposedly loves u would treat u like this?? i dont wanna end up a crazy stalker woman but am just so lost right now and dont feel ready to talk to anyone in RL. thanks in advance

Try to stay calm and don't do anything that you can be blamed for later.

I agree with you about putting his things into bags but I'd leave them outside your front door and I wouldn't speak to him when he comes to pick them up.

He sounds as though he has problems anyway - I reckon you'll be glad it's over soon enough.

It's horrible when it lasts - do you have a friend you can go out with tonight?

Oh dear, poor you. The speed that this has happened makes me suspicious that he has someone else. Try to keep your dignity and delete his number

If he lost his mother a few months ago, cut him some slack. This could be temporary, it could be related to his grieving. Maybe he's so terrified of losing anyone else he loves, he's pushing them - ie you - away.

OR.

He is an absolute arsehole.

In either case, I agree with Blether, stay calm. Maintain your dignity. Don't be malicious. Stop the texting. If he hasn't replied he is telling you something and the message is this: "leave me alone." And that's all you can do.

You do need your house keys back though, or just change the locks if that's possible. Leave the bin bags out side his house, don't empty them out and don't leave them there on bin day!

He's met someone else I reckon

I think he's met someone else who is in the house with him when you went round.

by the way how come he has a key for yours but you don't have one for his?

I would recommend not going round there and pouring his clothes out. You will only make a spectacle of yourself and believe me you will be embarrassed in the future about it.

He has said he doesn't want to be with you. You deserve someone who wants to be with you. Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't feel the same.

He has absolutely behaved appallingly the way he's treating you. Don't reciprocate. You be the one who can hold your head high after all this.

He sounds like a total and utter catch.

Why on earth would you want to be with someone who behaves like this?

He's told you very loud and clear what he's like. Bin him, along with his stuff, and find someone who is more worthy of you.

He wants 'space' to 'fuck off' in a flash.

He's got someone else and he's too much of a chickenshit arsehole to tell you to your face.

Leave his stuff outside your place, preferably on the pavement where someone will nick it if he hangs about too long.

You deserve better. We all do.

Deffinately somebody else. This is what people do when they cheat and move straight on. Don't chase him. Don't mention his stuff. Don't fight for him and don't look for reasons to speak to him. I had it happen to me and I cut them out completely only for them to regret it for years.. never be that woman who's made out as the psycho ex. Walk away calmly, grieve the relationship and move on when your ready

change your locks remove his stuff tell him to collect it at x time and be out dont watch him

It does sound as if he has someone else.

Don't deliver his shit. Put it in bags and stick it outside your door and send one message telling him to collect it.

Sounds like you've had a lucky escape but I know you won't see that yet.

Surround yourself with pals and decompress before it drives you mad.

Thanks ladies for all the advice, he didnt show up at 8 but rang me and asked me for a few days to clear his head, he wants to meet on tue evening for dinner and said he would talk to me then, i asked him was this grief and he couldnt answer me said he didnt really know just lots of shit goin on in his head at minute, and its his mums birthday tomorrow. I told him i wud let him know on tue if i was prepared to listen to him, heads all over place now. Def dont think hes cheating, we live in a really small place and i would have known by now, up till last week he was staying at mine 5-6 nites a week

Why hang on to a man who doesn't want to be there? Go to dinner, be rational and clear headed (no alcohol) and tell him he can pick up his stuff from your doorstep first thing the following morning. Don't invite him in. Ask for his keys. Reassure him his past is his business, not yours. Cut all ties and have no regrets.

It's dead easy to see what should be done when its someone else's life and not your own...