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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Dh has left

18 replies

sadtimeshere · 29/06/2015 21:26

And I don't want to talk in RL because it's all too hard. I'm so sad. I wish we could make it work as I know the DCs will suffer and I can't bear to be the cause of their pain.
He's not awful but I don't think we love each other anymore. There is no joy. I wanted to stick it out another ten years because I don't want to share them. Can't believe its got to this.

OP posts:

AgathaF · 29/06/2015 22:11

I can't say anything to take your pain away, but I'm thinking of you and hope you are coping.

Your DC don't have to suffer.You can co-parent with their dad and make sure that it is as easy as possible for them.Children are adaptable. Of course they will be upset at first, whilst they adjust to the change, but they will adapt and accept it.

mrstweefromtweesville · 29/06/2015 22:14

It takes a while to come right (allow yourself a minimum of two years) but it will all be ok eventually.

Original poster

sadtimeshere · 29/06/2015 22:15

Thank you. Thank you for answering.

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Original poster

sadtimeshere · 29/06/2015 22:17

I'm sorry for myself and sorry for him. At least I am home, with them. He is alone without anyone.

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Jenna333 · 29/06/2015 22:18

Things really do get better and often when parents separate and eventually become happier so do the children. I've been there, I never thought my sadness would pass or I would manage sharing my ds but I have and overall we are all honestly happier.

Original poster

sadtimeshere · 29/06/2015 22:22

Really? Need to hear that because can't see that they could be better off without him here. Feels so selfish to let it be over. That something which is better for me means they suffer

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mrstweefromtweesville · 29/06/2015 22:22

Stop thinking of what he needs, nip those thoughts in the bud. For your own wellbeing. Sorry if I sound harsh. You are very vulnerable now and need to be practical to safeguard yours and the DC's future.

Original poster

sadtimeshere · 29/06/2015 22:33

When I think of how horrible he was to me and the hate with which he spoke to me I don't feel so fucking sorry for him. I don't know how to do this from here. I have no idea how to safe gaurd us. I can hardly believe this is happening

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Janette123 · 30/06/2015 07:57

Sadtimes,
I firmly believe that it is better for a child to come from a broken home than to live in one.

It isn't healthy for children to be in a home where one parent is verbally abusing the other.

Your children will be happier because you are happier.

Nevergoingtolearn · 30/06/2015 08:20

I split with dh a few months ago for similar reasons, I just didn't love him anymore and had spent over a year plucking up the courage to ask him to leave. The first month was hell for both of us, he's now settled in his own flat but suffering from depression, he is seeing the dc's every weekend though and is a better father to them then he was when he was here, my dc's are much happier now he has moved out and now I am getting used to being on my own and starting to enjoy life. I know we did the right thing.

Wherediditallgoright · 30/06/2015 09:11

The term 'broken home' is awful. Fortunately I never hear it in real life these days. I am lone parent and I would hate for my dc to see themselves as coming from a 'broken home.'

It is always sad when a relationship ends op when children are involved but you will get through it as will they.

What do you mean by 'safeguard?'

Nevergoingtolearn · 30/06/2015 10:12

And for I while I felt very guilty, guilty as I ended up with everything and he ended up living alone and depressed, now I realise that it's not my problem anymore, I do want him to feel happy but only because I want the dc's to see him happy. Things do get easier xx

AgathaF · 30/06/2015 20:56

Children should not grow up seeing one parent being awful to another. It is distressing for them as children, and gives them a poor blueprint of what an adult relationship is like, which they often then copy themselves as adults. So you've done the right thing, and in time they and you will come to see and appreciate that.

Original poster

sadtimeshere · 30/06/2015 23:29

Yy maybe that's why he is like this

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Original poster

sadtimeshere · 30/06/2015 23:29

Awful childhood.

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Original poster

sadtimeshere · 30/06/2015 23:34

He came back tonight and wouldnt leave. I begged. What happens if he comes again and I cannot get him out?

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Original poster

sadtimeshere · 30/06/2015 23:35

And he made so mush noise DCs heard in beds so I was forced to explain. Thought I could get a few days with excuses.

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AcrossthePond55 · 01/07/2015 00:05

Don't let him in to begin with. If you can't trust him to act decent and leave when asked to then he doesn't deserve to be in the house in the first place. Especially do not let him in when you are alone or with the children in bed.

If it's to see or pick up the children, arrange to meet him in a public place, like a park or play centre. Somewhere you can leave if you begin to feel uncomfortable.

When you're beginning to wonder if you've done the right thing or if you feel any pity for him, remember what just happened and remind yourself that he didn't show any respect for you and didn't care if he upset you.

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