What should I do?

[speccy900]

Hi,

My Dh travels a lot for work, and I have just found evidence of what appears to be another phone or wireless data stick (one of those dongles) that he's been using for the past week (he has been away for a few weeks in a foriegn country). There's been no mention of this to me - in fact he says he can't call/ message me b/c of the bad signal in the remote area he is working in. This phone/ stick has been topped up about 6 or 7 times in the last few days.

He has hidden a few things from me lately (mainly places he's visited on trips away and who he has been speaking to whilst away).

He is a good man and he treats me well. We've been together for 12 years and I feel sick to even be writing this.

He's due to call tomorrow and I want to confront him about it, but what do I say without making it sound like an accusation? It could be something harmless, and I found the evidence of the phone/ router in a place wasn't meant to be looking.

Say 'How come you have a dongle but you haven't phoned me?'

12 years or not, he's doing something he shouldn't

So is it a phone or a dongle?

I thought a dongle was used to access the internet wirelessly, and can see why he'd use one if he works away a lot.

Obviously a second phone is a different matter, but then why would he leave either of these things at home while he's away?

I think I've misunderstood something, but think it's a bad idea to confront him on the phone - you need to do that in person, so you can see his reaction.

In your shoes, I'd try to contact him. If he doesn't respond, you can make a decision from there - you will know he has received but hasn't replied.

I don't know if it's a phone or a dongle, the evidence wasn't physical (bills).

This phone/ stick has been topped up about 6 or 7 times in the last few days.

So it's a PAYG? That means it's not been supplied by work, then.

There are a couple of innocent explanations that occur to me:
If it's a data sim, he could be using it in the evenings to watch YouTube/Netflix/porn - if he's in a rural area then it's likely there's not much to do. It may not have occurred to him that he could use that connection to Skype or FB message you.

It could be that he doesn't want to talk to you while he's away because he has too much to do/it makes him homesick/the other guys take the piss out of him.

However, if you've already caught him telling lies or missing things out of his account of what happens/where he's going, that puts things on a more worrying footing.

I can't really come up with any other explanation for the sim in that case than a secret phone for either calls or emails/skype to someone who he doesn't want you to know about. :(

When is he due home?

Imo this isn't something you should be raising with him via a long distance phone call and you're best advised to wait until he's home - and fully recovered from his journey - before mentioning the PAYG dongle and asking him what he used it for.