relationship concern

[MrT123]

hi, after some advice about relationship, i think im being taken for a ride, what do yo reckon and any advice?
my partner (of 5 years) has told me yesterday she's going abroad to spain for a few days next friday witha gang of 5, this was apparently organised 3 months ago and my partner actually paid for everyone on her credit card, she hadnt mentioned anything about this for the last 3 months when she booked it. It must take some organising about planning, transport to/from hotel, what theyll be doing when there etc, im totally fine about her going away but she hadnt told me about it until yesterday (although i actually found out by chance a few days ago of someone else which was a shock but i kept quiet about it)
is this acceptable to keep this a secret from me until last minute or am i being daft?
i believe she has done an awful lot of secretive sneaking around on several occasions the past 18 months too but thats a different story
any advice please, ta

I wouldn't be bothered about the going away (DH and I have both been on separate hols before now) but the not telling is a bit odd.

Have you asked her why she didn't tell you before now?

Would you have made her feel guilty about it if she'd told you?

I can't imagine that I could book a holiday and it not crop up in conversation over the course of 3 months. Either she hasn't told you because she didn't want you to know (could she have been absent for a week without you knowing?) or she didn't want you to know before she went because of potential aggravation.

She didn't tell you because I think she was afraid of your response.

Maybe she thought you would go on about it for months and persuade her not to go?

Or maybe she thought you might book a boys holiday away and she didn't want you to?

He did say he didn't mind her going away so I assumed it was just the lack of forward knowledge that was an issue.

Of course he would say that or think that but it might not be how she perceived how his reaction was going to be.......

Why would someone not mention to their partner that they and the girls are 'thinking' about going away?

It's exciting, surely you'd want to share the prospect?

But to go ahead and have booked months ago and still not mentioned it means the relationship has big problems.

Nobody could say from what's written whether those problems are unreasonableness on the part of the OP or the partner but that's one hell of an omission for whatever reason so the relationship is clearly in trouble.

Fair point quite.

OP, do you really not mind her going away without you? For instance, I really wouldn't mind DH going away without me but that's because I trust him. You suggest by 'sneaking around' you may believe her to be untrustworthy. Have you expressed that you may be suspicious?

What other sneaking around has she done over the last 18 months?

I think that bit of information will be the difference between people saying it's because of your reaction or that she's up to something.

thanks all
dont mind her going away at all (as one of the party has a really awful time the past year) its just bizarre how its not been mentioned until less than a week before she goes yet she booked and paid for the gang 3 months back

will see how it goes but i dont think theres a magic cure for this one this time

i would be upset, particularly if as you say there have been other secrets

seems a bit strange to keep something big like a holiday a secret, it would have me asking "why does she not feel she can tell me"?

it's fair to go away without a partner, but not to tell them until the last minute is a bit odd and I would be upset by this.

LTB

Do you live together?

This is a big factor, Although I do think if she has actually planned this break away for everyone and not mentioned it is disrespectful to you to say the least.
When was she planning to tell you?
How do you think she would feel if you treated her in the same manner?
Has she form for this type of behavior?
Do you know all the friends going? Are the all female?

TBH after 5 years if my partner did this to me, I wouldn't have much time for him, I'd know where I stood in his priorities.

Secrets destroy relationships. Id walk away now.