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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

to those of you in second marriages

12 replies

holdyourown · 04/06/2015 21:17

.. just wondering really, how long between getting divorced and meeting new dh or dp and were you wary at first of getting involved again or found it ok? (not a journo just pondering how people manage to do it more than once)

OP posts:

FeckTheMagicDragon · 04/06/2015 21:30

It was about 5 years for me. Living together after 2 years. Married after 4 years. I know him for a long while before we dated, and was very wary. I also had another 1 year long relationship in between that I luckily saw would be truly awful if I had continued to see him. Take your time, make sure it's right and that you are not settling because you are afraid of being alone. I got to s place where, if I hadn't met anyone, that was OK. It takes time :)

GammonAndEgg · 04/06/2015 21:45

I left my husband in the Oct, got asked out on a date 2 days later and went! Lovely guy who I was with until Feb/March but ultimately I wasn't ready to commit, and he was.
Met another guy in May and married him a year later. As soon as it was the right guy, commitment was easy. We've been together 15 years now

meandjulio · 04/06/2015 21:51

left in march year 1, had a random fling with an ex in october year 1, an online date in november year 2, met dh in a semi-blind date type scenario in february year 3.

I was incapable of any kind of relationship for a long time (and tbh absolutely loved being on my own). I rented a basement flat for a year and it felt like going to ground to lick my wounds and watch lots of telly my xh had hated The fling with an ex was a major error though while we'd been apart he'd learned some AMAZING tricks

Original poster

holdyourown · 04/06/2015 21:57

meandjulio
thanks feck and gammon - interesting to know once it was the right person it felt easy. That's what I hope but wonder if it will ever happen again. I don't mind being on my own but would like another proper relationship someday

OP posts:

kittensinmydinner · 04/06/2015 22:03

Dh1 and I had become brother/sister but good friends, called it a day in August when he started talking to his new OW In the sitting room in front of me (!) and I realised I was happy for him... Went online in December, read ONE profile, liked it a lot. Signed up...got reply to THAT profile, lived 16 miles away..(international website), met him 3 days later, saw his photo, he didn't see mine. Slept together in hotel 5 days later, moved in 6 months later, married after 2 yrs, much more than a decade ago...

LadyB49 · 04/06/2015 23:17

A few boring dates. Def did not want another husband. then met my now husband 3 years after separation. Spent 7 years making sure, even though we just knew it was going to be good long term. Now married fab10 years.

pallasathena · 05/06/2015 19:38

I was so relieved to get out of my horrible first marriage I vowed to never, ever, ever, get married again. I spent the next twenty years bringing up my wonderful dc's, building a good career, buying a nice enough house and then... met Mr Right!

Wasn't looking for him. Had a hard time adjusting to coupledom after so many years of independance but he was/is very patient, very lovely and it just felt right.

Learned a lot though, being on my own. That I was responsible for my own happiness being number one. And don't let the buggers grind you down being number two. Many other lessons learned too but those are the ones that really shaped the person I am now.

I think you have to learn to love yourself properly and be happy in your own company first. When that's achieved, the rest just falls into place.

Dowser · 06/06/2015 00:09

Got divorced in April . Met OH in July. Been together 7 years this July.

He moved in 3.5 years ago and we marry in Sept.

Was never going to do this again but it seems daft not to.

lunar1 · 06/06/2015 00:23

My first husband died, met my now dh about 18 months later but were friends for 6 months before anything happened.

justtotellyou · 06/06/2015 00:38

Met DH 2 years after splitting from exh. Moved in 5 weeks later. Got married 4 years later and 21st wedding anniversary this year

softfeet · 06/06/2015 00:41

Left exH when I was pg, met DH 8 years after that. Didn't marry him until 6 years after we met, so 14 years after leaving exH. I'd dated quite a few men in the 8 years before meeting DH, but I was fussy and none were keepers. Was very wary about getting into any committed relationship because of DS and never introduced any of them to him except DH (and then only after a year).

Plarail123 · 06/06/2015 00:42

Husband left in March after 18 months of marriage (he been together 5 years before wedding) had six months of dating and shagging around. Met DH online in October two weeks after DA, his had also just come through. Moved in after 8 months, married after 4 years and now have lovely DS. Been together 8 years now and are both better people for our first marriage experience. More tolerant and forgiving, we have had some tough times but got through them together. People thought I should stay single for longer but I just knew he was the ONE.

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