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Relationships

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Flip

Original poster

was this a date?!?

21 replies

horseygeorgie · 04/06/2015 21:02

14 months ago I was sent a message on a dating site I was on from a nice sounding guy who didn't want to date any one with children but wanted to chat. We have spoken every night since and he's fantastic. Just a completely normal, decent guy. Today we met up for the first time, he had some time off so I suggested we go out to lunch. We had a fantastic time, he bought me a rose bush and lots of plants (we like gardening) and treated me to lunch. He text me an hour after he left saying he had a great time and we should do it again soon and I had a full close hug before he left. He is very thoughtful, last week he ordered me a book online and had it delivered to my house (fantastic book too!)
My friends are convinced it should be viewed more like a date than a friends lunch. We did get on like a house on fire, so opinions please!! I have fairly low self confidence so my radar is completely broken but I think there may of been a spark or two there...!

OP posts:

MadeMan · 04/06/2015 21:05

Has he changed his mind about dating a woman with children then?

Original poster

horseygeorgie · 04/06/2015 21:07

Oh god knows! I certainly don't!

OP posts:

quirkycutekitch · 04/06/2015 21:07

14 months!

Original poster

horseygeorgie · 04/06/2015 21:10

What's wrong with 14 months? We've just been chatting. He wanted to meet up before but (due to my life not being straightforward) it didn't happen.

OP posts:

TummyButtonFluff · 05/06/2015 08:41

Do you find him attractive?

ScrambledEggAndToast · 05/06/2015 09:07

Do you need to put a label on it just yet? It's been 14 months, maybe just see how things go over the next few times you meet up and then think about discussing whether to define things.

FWIW, I think it sounds like a date

woowoo22 · 05/06/2015 09:10

How did you view your relationship for the last 14 months? Online pals?

AmyElliotDunne · 05/06/2015 09:30

Do you need to put a label on it just yet? It's been 14 months, maybe just see how things go over the next few times you meet up and then think about discussing whether to define things

yes, in about 12 years you might decide that you are boyfriend and girlfriend!

Have your chats involved anything that could be construed as flirtatious? Would you be happy chatting or meeting up like this if either of you was in a relationship with someone else? In fact, are you sure he isn't ?

14 months seems an awfully long time to get round to meeting someone, would you even be in a position to have a relationship if that's what you both wanted?

goddessofsmallthings · 05/06/2015 09:44

It was a lunch date with a man you met online 14 months ago but hadn't met in rl.

If he invites you to dinner or you invite him, it will be a date.

jesy · 05/06/2015 09:48

I'd say a date , he to me seem interested he treating you well

viva100 · 05/06/2015 11:06

Hmmm I think it was more of a pre-date. He doesn't want to date anyone with kids but really likes you so he's a bit torn and wanted to test the waters. I think the next date will be a real date. Wait a few days and invite him for dinner and see what he says.

Lavenderice · 05/06/2015 11:31

I say it was a date, but remember not all dates lead to something else. The buying you stuff is ringing alarm bells though.

Fontella · 05/06/2015 12:09

The buying you stuff is ringing alarm bells though.

Online friends for 14 months, chatting daily, both keen gardeners (which they obviously talk about), first time meet up and he buys her some plants?

Wouldn't ring any alarm bells with me. Sounds like a nice thoughtful bloke.

At the very least OP it sounds like you've made yourself a lovely friend, and those are hard enough to come by.

Lavenderice · 05/06/2015 12:22

Maybe that's just me then. I'd run a mile
If anyone bought me a present to the first date.

TummyButtonFluff · 05/06/2015 13:21

You're not giving much for us to go on OP.

I think it is very possible for you to have talked that long platonically, so just be careful.

OldSeadog · 05/06/2015 14:20

Why define it as anything? Just enjoy the time you spend. You cant be in that much of a rush to have been happy with just chatting for 14 months.

And sorry but please ignore the warnings against men bringing presents to first dates. I gave my GF of two and a half yrs a jar of marmite on our first date having met online and I'm sure that's what clinched it.

SoozeyHoozey · 05/06/2015 15:26

Do you actually have children? If so it may be tough if things develop because you can't exactly erase them from the equation.

DarkNavyBlue · 05/06/2015 15:51

I'd say it sounds like just friends.

Your friends are saying otherwise cos that's what friends do .

beaglesaresweet · 05/06/2015 16:10

I'd say, if all the giving (buying lunch, plants, books) are one way from him, then he saw it as a date or at least leading to a proper date, plus he texted immediately for a repeat. If you equally give things to him then friends, but it doesn't sound like you do. So more of a classic 'courting from a man' imo.

bjrce · 05/06/2015 19:42

The question to ask is: when you met him for lunch, did you find him attractive?
By this I mean, do you fancy him?
Also, how was his demeanor at the lunch?
Was he just very friendly? did he have direct eye contact with you when speaking?
Who spoke the most and who listened?
All of this is very telling.
He does sound like a lovely person, could you see it going forward?
Do you live far from each other?
I hope it works out for you, also, I wouldn't think ill of anyone saying they didn't want to date anyone with children, he was just being honest from the start, thing is, no one knows how people feel when they fall for each other.

Best of luck.

Original poster

horseygeorgie · 06/06/2015 19:16

Hi everyone!

We chatted equally really, both web l equally listening and asking questions. Very direct prolonged eye contact, he bought all the presents and wants to do it again soon. He is a lovely, old fashioned guy who is very interesting. Lives about 30 miles away. My gut feeling is there was definitely something there.

Tbh I would be interested in it being more but if he isn't I also value him hugely as a friend. Win win!

OP posts:

Flip