Solicitors appointment tomorrow, what do I need?

[Winniethewylde]

After years of unhappiness (and various posts on here) I have taken the bold step of making an appointment to see a solicitor tomorrow morning for some separation/divorce advice. I am quaking in my boots about it. My DH has no idea I'm going and I have no idea what to expect.

What will I be asked? What will I have to do? What do I need to take with me? I'd really appreciate some help please.

Financials.

Maybe a typed sheet with a summary of salient points. How long you've been married for, kids, mortgage details, bank account details, income/salary for you both, other debts.

Also if your kids are in private education, details of school fees. If you pay for childcare, costs of that.

Oh heck. I don't have/know any of the financial stuff. I know my details but with regards to the mortgage, his income etc I know nothing. DH has done this and I just went along with it. Shit.

I'm a sahm with one child at school and the other about the start pre school so there will be childcare costs there temporarily but that's it.

Is there still a point me going if I don't have any of the other stuff to hand?

There's nothing to worry about They will probably ask you about your situation, how long married, children, etc. Ask you what you want. Then some preliminary advice, depending on your situation.

Basically they will be looking to establish facts. But they will take it as fast or as slow as you want.

Just tell them your thoughts and how you feel

You won't need details at this initial stage. They will want to find out what you want and how you want to achieve it.

Just done the same....
Finances... Assets/liabilities Mortgage information pension information

Children... You need to consider parental responsibities the practicalities etc.

The agreement has to be Fair and Reasonable which is a very open ended statement! However it is useful to think through possible scenarios and areas you can negotiate on etc.

The solicitor I saw was really big on negotiating. If I move forward on this I would see several solicitors to see if all their approaches are the same. Hope that helps

Yes, go!

Ok, thank you. I think the numbers part of it is scaring me the most as I'm pretty clueless when it comes to our family finances. Also having no income of my own I would just like to know where I potentially stand.

I think he thinks I won't be able to leave him as I have nothing and that I need him. I need to prove him wrong. Knowledge is power I guess.

Write a list of all your incomings and outgoings. If you don't know mortgage details, can you call the company and ask them what the monthly payments are? Presumably it is a joint mortgage so they will give you this information.

Write all your questions down, it saves time trying to remember important things. If you can take someone with you, then do as there will be a lot of information and options available to you and you may not remember them all.

Make sure you ask about costs and whether they can offer you a fixed fee.

Google Marilyn Stowe. She is a fantastic (IMO) divorce lawyer and has lots of helpful downloads and also word documents / spreadheets for you to use to work everything out.

Have a look at the CABs information. Sorry it's not a fancy link

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/relationships/relationship-problems/ending-a-marriage/#h-ending-a-marriage

I took a list of questions I wanted answers to.
Also they will want to know re mortgage (equity in house / how much is left on it) / your DH pension, your employment situation, how long have you been married, age of kids etc

Yes - ask about fees. Are you taking your free 30 mins, I found I had to be quite direct to get as much info as possible.

Good luck!

Thanks all. I think at the very least I ought to hunt down some mortgage paperwork and take that along.

My Dad knows about my problems and has offered to come with me. Would that be weird if I took him up on his offer?

Not weird at all. It depends whether you want him to know the personal side of things. It is quite normal to take someone with you.

I actually think he'd be quite horrified. Probably not then. Thanks for your help. I do appreciate it.

Take your proof of ID, passport and bank statement. if there was DV you may be entitled to legal aid although you will not be entitled if you own a property over £200k I think, due to changes made by Coalition government (thanks Dave n Nick).

Good luck. I have just started proceedings. I feel great!

Thank you. I just feel nervous as hell. I feel so unprepared as I'm so in the dark/clueless about our financial arrangements. I don't even know my DH's salary as he's technically self employed so it tends to vary. I'm an idiot

Oh and on doing some digging yesterday it turns out we have an interest only mortgage. It gets worse, doesn't it?

If you have interest only, it is possible you have ISA's etc to pay off what is owed at the end.
We had part interest only mortgage - and it was scary to discover that we would not have enough to cover it - although I have actually bought ExH out of the house and transferred full mortgage to repayment, but had to stretch it out again over 20 years!
Do you know if you have savings?
Don't be nervous, collect information.
If you have any questions PM me - have been through all of this in last 6 months

Can I just say thank you to everyone for your help and support, the appointment was fine and really helped with my situation. As I was told, I really need not have worried.

So glad it put some of your fears aside.

Do you know how you're going to progress now?

After last nights debacle at our marriage counselling session and also afterwards I definitely know how I'm going to proceed. I just need some inner strength and courage to actually do it.

You will find the strength. The hardest part is saying the first words. If you are in marriage counseling then it's on the table.
I was strong and didn't want to give an inkling of hope, I didn't want to try again, it was awful but empowering.

You can do this & I'm standing beside you.

northumberlandlass your words mean so much to me. Thank you. You are right, I will find the strength it's just hard as I'm scared to open the floodgates to it. I haven't given hope, I've been nothing but honest, it's just taking that step.