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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Underage photos.

18 replies

Bigmoomins · 26/05/2015 22:30

Sorry if this is in the wrong place, a few months ago I threw my husband of 17 years out for cheating on me with several women.
I found out via texts on his phone and also discovered a 'wank bank' on his pc. This consisted of recorded webcam sex sessions with various paid for women,pictures and videos of him shagging other people and lots of explicit pictures.
I also found several pictures of my daughters best friend- these he had got off Instagram and Facebook. She was in bikinis and revealing clothing. I have realised that in some of the pictures she must have been 14ish.
The dust has somewhat settled and it is bothering me, not that I can do anything about it.
I guess my question is am I right to be fretting about it or am I overthinking stuff?
Thank you.

OP posts:

DragonsCanHop · 26/05/2015 22:33

Do you have the evidence? I'm sorry but you need to give everything to the police in regards to your daughters friend.

Melonfool · 26/05/2015 22:37

I'd pass it to the police - if these are pictures she has put in the public domain then hopefully they will have a chat with her and her mum about internet security.

It is possible he has some dangerous fantasies which one day could lead to trouble, but it's not for you to second guess, let the police deal with it.

Mom2K · 26/05/2015 22:45

I agree with a call to the police...very disturbing that he has pictures of a 14 year old (and someone he has come into contact with as well since it is your DD's best friend!) on his computer among his wanking material. Serious stuff. Don't just sit on that - let the authorities decide if it is something that needs to be addressed.

Original poster

Bigmoomins · 26/05/2015 22:53

Bugger- you are right, the fallout will be terrible.
I have no evidence, he packed up the computer and took it on the day I threw him out.

OP posts:

Offred · 26/05/2015 22:54

yeah, I'm not sure of the legality issues or what the police could do, though this is incredibly disturbing. I think it would be best to speak to the police about it though and see what they advise.

Offred · 26/05/2015 22:55

the police could seize his computer and can find files he has wiped. I think it would be worth speaking to them.

Offred · 26/05/2015 22:57

Doe he have contact with your dc? Can you be sure he has not gone beyond downloading the pictures of her friend?

Offred · 26/05/2015 23:16

and don't worry about it being a little while after the initial discovery/break up. I had something similar and the police were very kind and supportive. It was passed to the Family Crime Intervention Unit and they completely understood that it had taken me a while to actually return to normal thinking after being headfucked and were not at all suspicious or accusatory as I worried they would be.

scarletforya · 26/05/2015 23:18

Hell yes, report the pervert. Yuk.

Original poster

Bigmoomins · 26/05/2015 23:26

He does have limited contact with the dc, about an hour a week- his choice.
I am as sure as I can be he only had pictures and hasn't done anything else but I was also sure he would never ever shag anyone else.
Selfishly I am worried as it is obviously coming from me- won't let that stop me though.

OP posts:

Offred · 26/05/2015 23:33

It's understandable you'd be worried that you'd be pegged as vindictive ex, it would be very unfair if you were. I was fortunate enough to have support from WA at the time and as I'd spoken about it with them felt a little under pressure to take the responsible path but it was fine. I found the police very supportive. They investigated thoroughly and it was quite reassuring to have the pressure taken away from me over it. I think you have to, as always, keep in mind that you aren't responsible for his bad behaviour and shouldn't have to suffer the consequences of it alone.

Mom2K · 27/05/2015 00:23

I think you have to, as always, keep in mind that you aren't responsible for his bad behaviour and shouldn't have to sufer the consequences of it alone

This. Absolutely ^

aintgonnabenorematch · 27/05/2015 10:38

The Police wouldn't be able to get a warrant to seize any property on the basis of clothed pictures of a teenager.

No harm in having a chat with 101 on the 'phone though. Not because they'd necessarily take any action but it would make you feel that you'd done something and expressed your concern.

Offred · 27/05/2015 10:56

Yes, exactly. They may be able to if there is reason to believe there is child porn on there. They may not. Nothing came of the investigation into my xp's computer but it was enormously helpful for me to hand over the burden to them as ain't says

Twinklestein · 27/05/2015 11:01

I don't see what the police can do if he copied photos of a 14 year old from public forums. It's sleazy but it's not illegal.

Offred · 27/05/2015 11:13

IME they may investigate if you have concerns that there may be illegal things. The 14 year old's pictures taken from online would not be illegal but do indicate a sexual interest in underage girls which might be enough to warrant an investigation of the porn. It's worth contacting them to see. It was different possibly for me as the computer was in my home after he had left so they perhaps didn't need a warrant though I don't know that. There was a delay before they were able to pick it up and it was clearly his property that they seized.

Offred · 27/05/2015 11:14

In my case it was seeing porn named as "12 year old girl being raped".

Offred · 27/05/2015 11:17

And me becoming aware that early in the relationship he had cheated on me with a 14 year old girl. This was in a city at the opposite end of the country and was a few years ago so they said they couldn't take it into account but they did thoroughly sweep his pc and all his porn DVDs (downloaded and given to him by friends).

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