Help me write my argument.

[ProcrastinatingPat]

Ok. My fourth child starts nursery in Sept. Currently I have two options.
1 free place starting at 1 and finishing at 3. Sounds good except my third son goes to special needs school and finishes at 1:30.

1. A fee paying place starts at 9 am and finishes at 1pm £160 a month.

I am a SAHM and I have been really looking forward to sept when I actually get some me time. My husband works away during the week so I'm here on my own with the four kids and I have no other support. When he comes home he wants family time so I have no time to do anything for myself unless I take the youngest with me.

So I want to argue my point for the fee paying place. He can defo afford to pay it so please help me plan my argument.

Are both places 5 days a week is that what you mean? If you are looking at the fee paying option then would a couple of days a week be a compromise if time to yourself is what you need?
Also your dh needs to take the reins now and then when he's home!

I don't think there's much of an argument that needs planning, tbh, Pro. You have 4 DCS, at least one of whom has SN. There's a compelling logistical reason (finishing time) for choosing the fee paying option AND your family can afford it. Plus, since you are the one doing the running around etc and need time for yourself AND you do so without support, you call the shots. Clearly, you should do what's right for you and your family and the fee paying option works better (and £160 is not too much, if you have the means, is it?). Are you sure you can get from the nursery to the school from 1-1.30? Does that give enough time? Is your DH likely to resist the fee-paying option?

I would be a bit concerned that you have to 'plan an argument'.

The conversation would go like this in our house.

me - DH the Nursery fees from next term for DS4 are £160 pm, shall we pay them with the childcare vouchers?
DH - yes OK, I will increase how much I pay into them. How much shall I increase it by?

He has a history of agreeing with me then pulling out at the last minute so I just want a water tight argument end if u see what I mean.

How much access do you have to the family finances, Pat?

Can you make an argument to the free school to take hi. In the morning demonstrating your other commitments?
Also agree that you do have a bit of a problem with your dh of you need to co structure an argument as you know he will object
Where normally when situations like yours come up an you come up with a solution, other halves either think of something else that will be a better way for you or agree
You know the right solution why would he object?

Would, "We need to do this for my mental and physical health. If I get ill, we would all be in shit creek. You would have to give up your job, or hire someone expensive to look after the DC and the home." work?

And let's face it, his "me time" is not about you going out and getting your nails done, or meeting friends for coffee, every day, is it? It's about being able to have a clear run to do the washing, cleaning, meal planning, etc, without interruption to get the toddler a snack, help with homework, stop an argument turning physical, etc.

Sorry that should read this me time, not his me time.

Surely no argument would be watertight enough in his eyes if he feels he has the final only say.

What does 'family' time actually mean to him if you having some time for yourself, means taking the kids with you. Given that you're doing the majority of the child rearing on your own, I think it very depressing and insulting that you're reduced to begging in order to better balance your time.

Copy and paste what SanityClause wrote.

It seems strange that you say "He can defo afford it" instead of "We can defo afford it"!

I think you should just tell him!

Yes, accept the fee paying option and tell him what the new arrangements will be. And then get yourself a joint account. You are the sahm, you don't have to ask his permission on how best your days are arranged.

I am.confused , You look after his (and your).children all week . That is your job. Why are you having to get 'permission' to spend your family money on childcare that you believe is in the child's (and wider families best interests) surely part of the job of sahm is to make these types of decision. Alternatively you could return to work and employ a full time nanny and house keeper /cook and cleaner and invoice him based on the proportion of income that comes into the house. Think that'll cost a tad more than £160.pm . If he even bats an eyelid tell him he is being a sexist knob and the only reason he is able to work abroad and earn a fortune is because you enable him to do so . It's.equally your money as are the choices of how to spend it .

When he comes home he wants family time so I have no time to do anything for myself unless I take the youngest with me.

Is your youngest not a member of the family then?

Option three go to the council transport department and see if you qualify for SEN transport for your son at a different school allocation so you can get your other DC to primary/ nursery.

This is what I have to do for my autistic son.

He works away. You hold the fort with four children. You decide about nursery and run it past him and pay the money out of your joint account, no?

What is all this he can defo afford to pay it ???

You are married. You can afford to pay it with your family money.

You shouldn't have to need a 'watertight' argument. You're not a servant, you shouldn't have to ask permission. It's your money! Of course it's worth telling him how the new nursery arrangement will make it life that little bit easier for you, and that should be that.