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Relationships

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Original poster

When to tell children about new man

12 replies

addicted2cake · 04/05/2015 20:19

I've been seeing a lovely guy for only 6 weeks. I've read lots of posts on here about not telling children for 6 months and so was just wondering if anyone has told their children any earlier. I don't want to rush things, want to do the right thing and I'm not ready yet but think that 6 months seems a very long time.
Also when did people introduce new man to parents, friends etc.
It will be great to get some advice on this so thanks in advance!

OP posts:

MirandaWest · 04/05/2015 20:22

I told mine within about a week or two that I had a boyfriend. They met him after about 6 months. I think it would have been hard to keep it from them totally for long.

flora717 · 04/05/2015 20:27

I introduced (now)DH as one of my friends (actually with other supportive friends on a day out). About a month in.
The first time he stayed over and they were at home it was my DD's idea really.

ALaughAMinute · 04/05/2015 20:30

I don't think you should tell you children about your new man until you know for sure that the relationship is serious. How old are they? How long have you been divorced? If they are very young and/or you've not been divorced very long then I think you should handle the situation very sensitively.

2boys2girls · 04/05/2015 20:34

I slowly introduced them at 3months I had met his family before he'd met mine ! He didn't stay over until 6months in and moved in over a year later ... If right theres no rush

Original poster

addicted2cake · 04/05/2015 20:42

My boys are 13 and 9. I've been separated for a year.
I know 6 weeks isn't long but he is really nice and it has got quiet serious much quicker that I thought it would. I don't want to rush things and obviously I will handle the situation very sensitively. My boys come first and he knows that.

OP posts:

2boys2girls · 04/05/2015 20:58

I think couple more week s then go for pizza or something to test the waters, my boys were roughly same age but do knew if boys didn't approve the relationship would have ended,

Handywoman · 04/05/2015 20:59

I told the kids about three weeks in. Separated 18months, dc 9 and 11.

They met him in a very low-key way about 3 months in, maybe a bit less.

It's not done them any harm, as long as the dc worlds are not particularly affected I don't think dc necessarily think it's a huge deal - although they'll think it's a bit weird, maybe.

Handywoman · 04/05/2015 21:01

I needed to see how the bf would be around the dc, so didn't want to wait too long.

Original poster

addicted2cake · 04/05/2015 21:03

Really good advice, thank you so much to all who have answered. I think maybe may half term would be an ideal to meet in a casual way. I'll maybe mention to them that I've been seeing someone in the next couple of weeks.

OP posts:

BornToFolk · 04/05/2015 21:23

I've been seeing someone for around 3 months and told DS (7) after our second or third date. He was asking who I was going out for dinner with, as he knew that my mum was babysitting so I told him that I had a date with a man and he was fine with that. Since then, I have told him when we're going out and the guy I'm seeing comes over for dinner after DS is in bed fairly regularly so I tell DS when he's coming over.

So far, they haven't met but they probably will in the next couple of weeks as we're all planning to be at an event so I'm hoping it'll just be a casual introduction. And then probably after that they won't see each other for a while!

I just didn't want to keep anything from DS, or make it weird for him. I thought it would be easier to introduce someone slowly than suddenly introduce a complete stranger to DS as an important person in my life.

Wotsitsareafterme · 04/05/2015 22:04

Dp is a resident parent like me. His dc is 7 and mine are 5 and 2. Dd1 doesn't understand what boyfriend means I did try with her. Dp told his child after a few dates he had met someone with children. She asked to see a photo. He showed her and she was delighted and asked to meet us. We couldn't think of a reason to say no so we arranged to meet for a day out at a national trust place. This was a few weeks in before we had even dtd! It was great and I'm glad we got it out of the way early on. We all get on great a year in.
I'm glad we did it before I was too invested in the relationship too as there was little pressure. Also seeing what a gentle caring dad he is made him even more attractive

avocadogreen · 04/05/2015 22:53

I dunno, I don't see the rush. In my last relationship he met the DC by accident (we bumped into him in town!) about 6 weeks in. From there they met him quite a few times and we occasionally spent days out together, probably every couple of weeks. But then when we split up after 5 months it was difficult explaining to them that they wouldn't see him any more. It hasn't affected the DC in any way, but it has made me much more cautious, I don't want them to remember a childhood of lots of different men in their lives. I've now been dating someone for about 3 months but definitely not planning on introducing him anytime soon.

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